Slow Things Down and Shake Things Up This Summer

May16

Summer should be a time to relax, slow down, try new things, and enjoy a bit of fun. The reality for most women, however, is that summer looks very much like the rest of the year. Except for (maybe) a week of vacation, it’s go, go, go all the time – all year long.

But what if summer could be different? What if you and I could slow things down and shake things up this summer? What if we could relax a bit, slow our pace a little, do some things we want to do and have a little fun? I think it’s possible, if we’re willing to adjust our mindset and make a few simple changes. Are you willing to give it a try? If so, here are four steps we can take to get started:

Change the “frame” of your life for the summer. What’s the “frame” that defines your life? For many women it’s some combination of busy, stressed, overworked, tired and constantly on the go. It looks something like this. But what if you changed the “frame,” just for the summer, and defined your life with calm, health, relaxation, fun and intimacy – or any other combination of good things you’ve been craving? It would involve making significant changes in your mindset, priorities and schedule. You would need to transition from thinking, “I don’t have time for that” to “I’m going to take time for that.” Or from “I just have so much going on” to “I’m letting go of some things I’ve been doing, to enjoy some things I really want to do. With those kinds of changes, your “frame” might end up looking like this.
Let go and say no - i.e., slow things down. Once you’ve started looking at summer in a new way, it’s time to make some space in your life. So, for the next three months, let go of some of the things you’ve been doing and say no to any new requests for your time and energy. You don’t have to attend committee meetings, plan fundraisers, do volunteer work or even teach Sunday School during the summer. You really don’t. And you certainly don’t have to say yes to fundraising for the Little League team or organizing concessions for the gymnastics meet. You just don’t.
Take steps to enjoy your new “frame” – i.e., shake things up. Now that you’ve freed up time and energy, start doing some things you really want to do. Maybe you want to start an exercise program and get in shape, begin cooking healthy meals, enjoy more sex and greater intimacy with your husband, spend weekends relaxing with your family, read a good book, catch up on sleep, or visit with family or friends. Anything you’ve been longing to do that will bring joy, health, happiness or peace to your life – do it regularly this summer.
Enlist the help you need to make it all work. I know – the reality is, these things are easier said than done. Most women are busy and wear a lot of hats. So determine what kind of help you need to make your new “frame” work, and then figure out a way to get it. One possibility is to hire a young teenager to help you. Many teens who are too young for a regular summer job are eager to earn some money. So find a reliable friend’s or neighbor’s teenage child and hire him or her for a few hours, several days a week. A responsible teenager can watch your young children while you get some things done, tackle basic lawn chores, fold clothes, or help with light housework. Enlist your own children to help too – it’s in their own self-interest to have a mom who’s more relaxed and willing to do fun things! In addition, talk to your husband about what you’re trying to do, and enlist his help. Most husbands would be thrilled for their wives to slow down and enjoy life a little more, so work together to figure out how to make it happen.

So, are you interested in slowing things down and shaking things up this summer – maybe just a little bit, or maybe a lot? I am, and I’m working on my plans for how to make it happen. Please share your thoughts and plans in the Comments – I would love to hear from you. I also would love for you to subscribe to Calm.Healthy.Sexy. by email (enter your email address in the sidebar under Subscribe to Blog Via Email) or Bloglovin’. Or follow on Twitter (@CalmHealthySexy), Facebook, or Pinterest. Thanks. Gaye

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CalmHealthySexy Cooks! Spicy Italian Beef

May10

Here’s a cooking confession – I make a shredded beef dish in my Crockpot almost every week, either this delicious Italian beef or Tex-Mex Shredded Beef. They’re easy and healthy, I can throw them together in 5 minutes, and everyone in my family loves them. The beef can be eaten as a main dish, with simple sides such as brown rice and a salad, or as a filling for sandwiches, tacos or quesadillas. This recipe makes a lot of meat, so I always have enough for a second meal or lunches to take to work. It’s my go-to option on very busy days. I hope you and your family will enjoy it.

Spicy Italian Beef

Print recipe

Meal type	Main Dish
Misc	Child Friendly, Pre-preparable, Serve Hot

This delicious Italian shredded beef recipe makes delicious sandwiches or a wonderful main dish, served with rice and a salad or your favorite sides.

Ingredients

2 London broil roasts (2-3 pounds each)
1 can beef broth
1 12 oz. jar pepperoncini peppers
1-2 tablespoon Italian seasoning

Directions


Place roasts into Crockpot. Sprinkle Italian seasoning over meat. Add beef broth and peppers (including the liquid). Cover and cook all day on low (approximately 8-10 hours). Carefully remove the cooked meat to a large plate. Remove and discard the peppers. Shred the meat using a fork and/or tongs, discarding any fatty pieces. Place shredded meat back into Crockpot and keep warm until serving.

Notes

This beef makes delicious sandwiches - my boys like it on chewy rolls with a slice of provolone. It's also great with a side of brown rice and a salad.

Buy the best quality beef you can get. I can't afford grass-fed or organic beef, but I do buy beef that's hormone-free and antibiotic-free whenever possible. Look for it on sale and stock up. You can use other cuts of beef to make this dish. However, I've found that roasts labelled "London broil" (or "top round") make very good shredded beef without a lot of waste or fat.

Also buy the best beef broth you can get. It's difficult to find organic beef broth in regular grocery stores. You can find it at Trader Joe's, Whole Foods and similar stores. At the very least, try to buy the reduced-sodium variety.

Beef broth and pepperoncini peppers are high in sodium (unless you can find unsalted beef broth), so take that into account if you are limiting sodium in your diet.

This recipe makes a lot of meat. You can halve it, but I like to make the full recipe and have plenty for a second meal or lunches to take to work.

What’s on your menu this week? Monday – Leftover grilled steak, corn on the cob, salad; Tuesday – Salad with grilled chicken; Wednesday – Whole chicken cooked in the Crockpot, risotto, salad; Thursday – Chicken salad and fruit; Friday – Homemade pizza

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Weave the Fabric of Your Marriage, One Thread at a Time

May9

Thanks to Tyson Cooper, author of Uplifting Love, for sharing this quote from Simone Signoret in his article Hundreds of Tiny Threads. I had never heard the quote before, but was immediately struck by the implications of those words.

It’s true, isn’t it? Although the big events of our married lives create wonderful and exciting memories, it’s the small, everyday, seemingly mundane things that knit us together. The glances, the touches, the smiles, the funny stories, the private jokes, the acts of service – these are the threads that weave the fabric of our marriages.

Unfortunately, small acts can also destroy the fabric of a marriage. The resentments, the silences, the criticisms, the angry replies, the withering looks, the acts of love withheld – each one cuts a slender thread, eventually leaving us with a tattered mess.

Let’s choose, today and every day, to weave new threads into our marriages, with small acts that strengthen the fabric and increase its beauty.

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Flip One Switch to “Positive”

May5

One Positive Change Can Ignite a Series of Positive Changes

What’s holding you back from living a calmer, healthier, sexier life? Does it seem like a lot of things, almost too many to overcome? Maybe your marriage is stressed by poor communication, lack of time and limited intimacy? Perhaps you feel unhappy because you’ve gained weight, lack energy and feel uncomfortable in your body. Or maybe you feel as if your schedule isn’t your own, that you’re always running from one thing to another, trying to make other people happy. Or maybe other things are making it almost impossible for you to live in a way that minimizes stress and maximizes health, vitality, energy and intimacy.

But what if you didn’t have to change all of the the things in order to live the life you really want? What if you only had to flip the switch from negative to positive on one thing? Could you do it? I think you can, and believe something very encouraging would happen if you did.

Often, one positive change can ignite a series of positive changes. You begin walking regularly, then notice that you’re eating healthier food and have lost weight. Or you stop accepting criticism from a perpetually critical “friend,” then find that you’re more assertive at work and with your children. Or you decide to make intimacy a priority in your marriage, then realize that you and your husband are communicating better and making an effort to spend more time together. In other words, to initiate a series of positive changes in your life, begin by making just one positive change.

Are you ready to make a positive change that could cascade into a series of changes? If so, here are a few tips for getting started:

Identify the things that are holding you back from living a calmer, healthier, sexier life.
Pick one thing you want to change in a positive way. Choose something you have the power to change yourself, without waiting for or relying on others to make changes.
Decide on one or two steps and begin taking them. Don’t try to take too many steps at once, but make the steps you pick a priority in your life. If necessary, move other things to a lower priority so you can focus on them.
As you see a positive change begin to take place, take a look at the big picture – are other positive changes occurring too, even though you didn’t focus on them?

Have you made one positive change that turned into a series of positive changes, or observed that happening in someone else’s life? Please share your thoughts in the Comments – I would love to hear from you. Gaye

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Photo credit (2nd photo) – Kozzi

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Worthwhile Weekend Reading and a Couple of Announcements

May2

Worthwhile Weekend Reading – I read so many great articles and blog posts this week that I had to share some of them with you. I hope you’ll find a few minutes this weekend to enjoy them.

Marriage

“I Have No Libido” by Sheila, To Love, Honor and Vacuum – practical advice for low-libido wives

“My #1 Sex Tip: Talk About It” by Elizabeth, The Warrior Wives – it’s hard, but critical, to talk about sex

“I Give Myself Permission” by Bonny, Pearl’s Oyster Bed

“8 Questions – Knowing When to Confront” by Beth, Messy Marriage – determining when to confront a problem and how to do it in love

“Five Things Your ‘High Drive Spouse’ May Never Tell You” by Gerard, Mission: Husband – higher drive spouses (whether husband or wife) have needs they may not know how to share

“Celebrate Cinco de Mayo with Your Spouse” by Hannah, Becoming His Eve – fun and creative date ideas

Health

“Spring Clean Processed Food Out of Your Life” by Christina, Juggling Real Food and Real Life – spring is the perfect time to add real food to your diet and ditch the processed stuff

“How Much is Enough?” by Big Sis, My Sister’s Pantry – what and how much should we be eating?

Announcements – First, Calm.Healthy.Sexy. has a new look, thanks to Katherine of Blog Art by Katherine. I really like what she did and hope you do too. If you need a logo, artwork, blog button or design/re-design, Katherine is a lovely and talented person – and it’s a pleasure working with her. Second, my husband and I are getting away by ourselves this weekend! We’re heading out on Friday morning for a three-day trip to an inn in the North Carolina mountains. In the spirit of spending time together, I’m planning to stay pretty far away from my blog, email and social media this weekend. So please forgive me if I’m slow to respond to comments or emails over the next few days. I hope you have a wonderful weekend. Gaye

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CalmHealthySexy Cooks! Tex-Mex Shredded Beef

May1

Welcome to CalmHealthySexy Cooks! Since the beginning of this blog, I’ve wanted to share healthy, real food recipes, but for many reasons (fear, steep learning curve, lack of time, more fear), I’m 9 months into this adventure and just posting my first recipe. Learning to blog has scared and challenged me, and the idea of writing up my recipes, photographing them and sharing them with you has intimidated the heck out of me! Then there’s the additional technology that’s needed to produce an attractive and blog-worthy recipe – another learning curve! But I’m moving forward and hope you’ll bear with me as I figure things out and (undoubtedly) make mistakes along the way!

The goal of CalmHealthySexy Cooks! is the same as the goal of the blog – to help married women live calmer, healthier and sexier lives. A major step toward that goal is to eat healthy, real food and avoid processed food most of the time. The trick, though, is to do it without spending all of your money at the grocery store or all of your time in the kitchen – neither of which promotes a calm and sexy life! This recipe, Tex-Mex Shredded Beef, helps me avoid both those pitfalls. I take 5 minutes to put it together in the morning, let it cook all day in a large Crockpot, and shred it when I get home from work. It couldn’t be easier. In addition, I can serve it several ways – in shredded beef tacos, on whole wheat rolls, or with sides such as brown rice, spicy beans or salad – and everyone in my family likes it. Plus it makes a lot, so we have plenty for lunches or a second meal. It’s a winner all the way around. (For more tips on cooking real food in a Crockpot, check out this article by Christina at Juggling Real Food and Real Life.)

Tex-Mex Shredded Beef

Print recipe

$Tex-Mex Shredded Beef$

Meal type	Main Dish
Misc	Child Friendly, Freezable, Pre-preparable, Serve Hot

This slightly spicy shredded beef is perfect for tacos or sandwiches or can be served with rice, beans and a salad. Put it together quickly in the morning and let it cook all day for an easy, delicious family dinner.

Ingredients

2 London broil roasts (2-3 lbs. each)
1 jar salsa or picante sauce (16 oz.)
1 teaspoon cumin
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder

Directions


Place roasts into Crockpot. Stir cumin and garlic into salsa and pour over and between the pieces of meat. Cover and cook on low all day (approximately 8-10 hours). Carefully remove the cooked meat to a large plate. Shred it using a fork and/or tongs, discarding any fatty pieces. Place shredded meat back into the Crockpot and keep warm until serving.

Notes

Buy the best quality beef you can get. I can't afford grass-fed or organic beef, but I do buy beef that's hormone-free and antibiotic-free whenever possible. Watch for it to go on sale and stock up. Also, you can use other cuts of beef to make this dish. However, I've found that roasts labelled "London broil" (which is often the same as "top round" roast) make very good shredded beef without a lot of fat or waste.

You can vary this recipe based on your family's preferences. Make it very spicy with hot salsa or very mild. Increase the seasonings or use other seasonings. If you're in a tremendous hurry, just dump in the salsa without adding any seasonings!

The recipe makes a lot of meat! Unless you have a very large family, you'll have plenty to take for lunches or to use for a second dinner.

What are your tips for cooking real food while managing your time and budget? Please share your ideas in the Comments – I would love to hear from you. Gaye

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Live Calmer with a “Start the Week” List

Apr28

Sometimes, the smallest things can create the biggest headaches. It’s not the important early meeting at work, the science fair project, or the unplanned trip to the pediatrician. No, we’ve got those things covered. But the sock that turns up missing 30 seconds before the school bus arrives, the field trip permission slip that’s gone AWOL, or the bag lunch that’s needed for field day – well, those things are likely to turn our days upside down, all before 8:00 AM.

If you find that small crises are stealing the calm from your days, consider using a “Start the Week” list to bring them under control. It’s simple, takes very little time, and pays you back many times over in terms of lower stress and greater peace of mind. Here are 4 steps to get you started:

Identify the “crisis points” for you and your family. Do you struggle to pack snacks and lunches quickly and easily? Do important school papers disappear on a regular basis? Do you rush around trying to find clothes for yourself or the children every morning? Is one little thing always missing – a shoe, a sock, car keys, a lunch box? Do you spend the day worrying what you can fix for dinner? Is the rush to get to after-school activities, with musical instruments, dance shoes, sports gear and snacks in tow, driving you to distraction? Figure out which two or three things in your life create high levels of stress on a regular basis.
Identify one or two steps you can take to control each “crisis point.” What could you do to prevent or control each crisis? Could you set up “centers” in your refrigerator and pantry that include all the snacks and lunch items you’ll need for the week? Would it help to start the week with five sets of clothing ready to go for each child? Do you need to establish a file in a central location and train the children to put their important school papers in that file? Do you need to improve meal planning, based on the week’s activities? Figure out the most practical things you could do to keep each “crisis point” from creating stress in your life.
Create a “Start the Week” list. Pick the 3 or 4 steps you identified above that could make the most difference in your life and put them on your “Start the Week” list – write the list on a note pad or your calendar or create a note on your phone or computer. This is the list you’ll use at the beginning of every week to organize the small things in your life that tend to trip you up. Make the steps concrete and specific; for example – Create menu based on the week’s activities. Clean out and organize refrigerator and pantry. Check school papers folder; sign permission slips and papers and put them in book bags. Package all school and after-school snacks for the week. Organize lunches and store them together in the refrigerator. Make sure each child has clothes for 5 days ready to go. The steps will differ for every family – make sure that your list works for you and your family, reducing stress and creating calm for everyone.
Complete each item on the list before the week begins. On Saturday or Sunday, work your way down the list and accomplish each task. Some may take only a few minutes (e.g., pulling together 5 sets of clothing for each child), while others may take a couple of hours (e.g., planning the week’s menu and shopping for groceries). Either way, the time you invest will pay you back many times over in reduced stress and increased calm and peace of mind. In addition, as you develop a routine over time, each item will take less time to accomplish.

What are the little things that cause big headaches for you? Have to found a way to prevent or control them? Please share your ideas in the Comments – I would love to hear from you. Gaye

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Fit & Healthy Friday – Let’s Set Some Healthy Living Goals

Apr26

You already know my feelings about Spring (because I can’t stop talking about it!) – that it’s the perfect time to begin creating a calmer, healthier, sexier life. Truly, no other time of year provides as many opportunities for eating healthy foods, moving your body, taking charge of stress, enjoying intimacy with your husband – or any other healthy living change you decide to make. So I’m very excited to announce that CalmHealthySexy is teaming up with Heather at The Life Unexpected for Fit & Healthy Friday, a fun, simple approach to helping women set and attain goals for healthier living.

Here’s how it works. Each month, participating women set 2 to 4 goals, share the goals through the Fit & Healthy Friday link-up, monitor their progress over the course of four weeks, then share their progress (and set new goals) on the fourth Friday of every month. I’m planning to participate – you can see my goals below – and hope you will too.

If you have a blog, it’s easy to participate – just write a post to share your goals and link it to Fit & Healthy Friday by clicking on the logo below. If you don’t have a blog, you can create a Note on Facebook that lists your goals (go to your Profile page, click on More, then Notes, then Add Note). After you’ve saved the Note, paste its URL into the link-up on Heather’s site. You can also Tweet about your goals and progress, and read what others are doing, using #fitandhealthyfriday.

Here are my goals for this month – 4/26/13 – 5/24/13

Eat at least 7 fruits and vegetables every day.
Do a strength workout 3 days each week.
Lose 4 pounds.

Are you ready to set some goals? Please share your plans in the Comments and then link up with us!

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16 Fun and Healthy Date Ideas

Apr23

For most of us, getting married and having children dramatically reduces the number of dates we have time, money and energy to enjoy with our husbands. And when we do have a “date night,” it typically involves sitting or eating or both. But for those of us who are trying to eat well, get in shape, lose weight or just live a healthier life, an evening of eating high-calorie foods and sitting through a movie suddenly doesn’t seem very appealing.

Fortunately, it’s easy to expand the definition of “going on a date” to include activities that are fun and healthy; I call them “active dates.” As a bonus, active dates provide great opportunities to create shared experiences and build intimacy and connection with our husbands. And, many of them are free or inexpensive. (Money-saving tip: Sign up to receive notices about healthy living and outdoor activities from Groupon, Living Social and similar services. You can find great deals on fun activities such as canoe trips, bike rentals, walking tours or admission to historic sites.)

Now that spring is here and summer is just around the corner, it’s the perfect time to try one of these fun and healthy dates:

Take a hike – walk the trails at a nearby park or nature preserve.
Go dancing or take dance lessons – all forms of dancing provide great exercise and an opportunity for fun and intimacy.
Visit a botanical garden, zoo or other outdoor attraction.
Plan a sports date – if you both play the same sport (for example, golf or tennis), plan a time to play together.
Go for a bike ride.
Take a walking tour of an interesting city/town.
Take a walk and stop for a cup of coffee or light snack.
Go roller skating.
Tackle the climbing wall at a gym or park.
Go kayaking or canoeing. If you don’t have your own gear, look for a guided trip that includes everything you need.
Do a zipline adventure.
Go to the gym and work out, then enjoy a light meal on the way home.
Explore a rail-to-trail project in your area.
Play Ultimate Frisbee at a local park.
Visit an historical site and take a tour.
Take a long walk and then enjoy your own healthy picnic.
Enjoy a meal at a restaurant that serves healthier fare, then take a walk and window shop before heading home.

What kinds of healthier, more active dates have you and your husband tried? Please share them in the Comments – I would love to hear from you. I also would love for you to subscribe to Calm.Healthy.Sexy. by email (enter your email address in the sidebar under Subscribe to Blog Via Email) or Bloglovin’. Or follow on Twitter (@CalmHealthySexy), Facebook, or Pinterest. Thanks. Gaye

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SmallStep #8 – Make Sex a Priority

Apr20

A SmallStep is one simple thing you can do to live calmer, healthier or sexier. This week, consider taking the SmallStep of making sex a priority in your marriage.

Enjoying a satisfying sex life with your husband is an essential component of a calm, healthy, sexy life. But, for a variety of reasons, enjoying sex on a regular basis is often easier said than done. Here are some strategies for taking the SmallStep of making sex a priority.

Decide to make it happen. When we get busy we get distracted, and sex often drops off our radar screens. We just don’t think about it. But regular, enjoyable sex is important – really important – for creating a healthy marriage. So decide to make sex a priority for you. For example, you might decide that making love twice a week would create intimacy and promote harmony in your marriage. Or that you’re going to initiate sex once a week. Or respond positively every time your husband initiates sex for two weeks. Whatever action on your part would promote better sex and increased intimacy in your marriage, decide to make it happen.
Determine how to make it happen. Next, determine how you will make it happen. Although it seems decidedly unromantic to schedule or plan sex, very often that’s exactly what we have to do. Let your husband know that this is a priority for you, and work together to figure out a plan. And remember that good sex doesn’t always have to involve a marathon love-making session; sometimes “short and sweet” serves the same purpose – increasing fun, joy and intimacy in your marriage.
Ensure that it happens. The steps to ensuring that sex occurs regularly will look different in every marriage. Maybe you’ll need to clear some activities from your schedule or your children’s schedules, or perhaps your husband will need to clear some from his, in order to make time for increased sex and intimacy. Some women may need to take time to unwind in the evening, rather than working like slaves until they fall into bed, exhausted. Some couples may want to plan sex for “off times,” like Saturday mornings or during the kids’ Sunday afternoon naps. Think it through and talk it through with your husband, then take whatever steps are needed to ensure that sex becomes a priority.

(In some marriages, deciding to make sex a priority will not be enough. If you’re experiencing difficulties in this area, please check out the books, blogs and articles on the Sex and Marriage Resources page. And if you’re experiencing serious problems in your marriage, please consider seeking help from a professional counselor.)

What’s your experience with making sex a priority? I would love to hear your ideas. I also would love for you to subscribe to Calm.Healthy.Sexy. by email (enter your email address in the sidebar under Subscribe to Blog Via Email) or Bloglovin’. Or follow on Twitter (@CalmHealthySexy), Facebook, or Pinterest. Thanks. Gaye

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