What Does Your Husband Really Want for Father’s Day?

Jun12

What does my husband really want for Father’s Day this year? That’s the question I’m asking myself, and I encourage you to ask yourself the same question. Maybe he wants one of the gifts advertisers have been promoting for weeks. And maybe he wants to celebrate by going out to dinner or getting together with extended family or doing some other traditional Father’s Day activity.

But maybe he doesn’t. I know for certain that my husband doesn’t want a new tie or any of the clothing advertised in the dozens of Father’s Day ads we’ve received. And I know for a fact that he doesn’t want to go to a crowded restaurant and wait in line for an hour! What about your husband? Do your Father’s Day plans include “expected” gifts and activities, or do they include the gifts he really wants to receive and the things he really wants to do?

Here are a few ideas for making Father’s Day plans in a way that will mean the most to your husband. (And, if your husband isn’t a father or isn’t yet a father, think about blessing him on Father’s Day anyway.)

Plan the day around his interests and preferences. Maybe he wants to spend Father’s Day relaxing with you and the kids. Maybe he’s a sociable guy who would love to get together with extended family or friends. Maybe he would love for you to cook him a special meal. Or, maybe he really needs a day to himself, to enjoy one of his hobbies or just putter around. Think about what he would enjoy most (and ask him if you’re not sure) and do your best to make it happen.
Give him a gift he will love to receive. Your husband may want a gift you can buy at a store, but he may not. (My husband says he wants a new weed eater!) He may want a gift that doesn’t cost any money or a gift of time or attention. He may want the gift of a short break from some of his responsibilities. Or the ever-popular gift of sex and intimacy with you! Don’t feel obligated to buy gifts he may not want, just because our culture says we need to celebrate Father’s Day by buying things. Think about what he really wants and try to make sure he receives it.
Adapt your plans. In order to celebrate in a way that will bless your husband, you may need to be creative. If you know that the celebration on Sunday won’t be exactly what he wants or needs, plan an auxiliary celebration. For example, maybe he wants a day of peace and quiet and time to relax, but the kids are excited and have planned fun activities for him. Or your mother-in-law has invited the extended family for dinner. Maybe you’re finding that life is getting in the way. That’s what’s happening in my family. My husband and I have been sick this week, our jobs have been stressful, and I need to spend Thursday thru Saturday visiting my mother, who is recovery from surgery. In other words, the odds of us having a fabulous celebration on Sunday are pretty slim! So, I need to make sure we extend Father’s Day into next week, and plan something I know my husband will enjoy.

What are your plans for Father’s Day, and how are you tailoring them to meet your husband’s interests and needs? Please share your thoughts in the Comments – I would love to hear from you. Gaye

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Exercise – Yes. Now. Today.

Jun8

Regular exercise/physical activity isn’t something you “have” to do. It isn’t something you “should” do. It’s something you deserve to do. Exercise benefits your body and health, but it also benefits your mind and spirit. Similar to your need for healthy food and adequate sleep, you need and deserve to move your body every day.

Yes. Now. Today. At least 30 minutes a day, at least 5 days a week (1).

Tomorrow, we’ll talk about how to get started. Or, if you’ve already started but want to do more, how to kick it up a notch. In the meantime, I’d love to hear about your experiences with exercise/physical activity and how you fit it into your busy life. Or about the struggles you face trying to fit it in. Gaye

(1) Physical Activity Guidelines for Americans

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4 Ways Exercise Can Improve Your Health – and Your Sex Life!

Jun4

If you’re a regular CalmHealthySexy reader, you probably know that I’m passionate about exercise and physical activity – moving our bodies every day and incorporating exercise into our daily lives. It’s my #1 tip for living a calmer, healthier, sexier life. In today’s post I’m sharing the top benefits of exercise – the ways it boosts your body, mind and sex life! Later this week I’ll share tips for getting started with exercise – or taking your exercise routine to the next level.

Here are four ways exercise can improve your health – and boost sex and intimacy in your marriage!

Exercise reduces the risk of major diseases and causes of disability. What it means for your health - Regular exercise reduces the risk of heart disease, stroke, high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, colon cancer, breast cancer and many other serious health problems.(1,2) In other words, people who exercise regularly are significantly less likely to develop the leading causes of sickness, disability and death. The scientific evidence for these benefits is very strong – strong enough to make the time and energy you put into exercise well worth the effort. What it means for your sex life – Serious health problems affect your energy, mood and ability to perform sexually. A healthy heart and blood vessels promote blood flow (good for sex), while an unhealthy heart and blood vessels impair blood flow (bad for sex). Diabetes and high blood pressure, in particular, can seriously impair sexual performance, particularly in men. (An excellent reason to encourage your husband to exercise with you!) So to ensure that your body is primed for sex and intimacy, exercise regularly to help prevent (or minimize) major health problems.(3)
Exercise promotes positive mental health. What it means for your health - Regular exercise reduces depression symptoms; studies have shown that it can be an effective treatment for mild to moderate depression.(1, 4) It may also reduce stress and anxiety and promote better sleep. Exercise also releases endorphins, brain chemicals that reduce pain and enhance feelings of well being. What it means for your sex life - Depression suppresses libido and zaps the energy needed to enjoy sex and intimacy. Stress, anxiety and lack of sleep can also inhibit libido, especially in women. Regular exercise, by reducing depressive symptoms and anxiety, may create a positive attitude toward, and greater energy for, sex and intimacy. (People who are suffering from depression should seek medical care and discuss a range of treatment options, including exercise, with their physician.)
Exercise promotes healthy body weight and positive body image. What it means for your health - Excess weight contributes to many serious health problems, including heart disease, stroke, high blood pressure, diabetes and cancer.(5) Losing weight reduces the risk of developing those problems. Regular exercise, particularly when combined with eating less, promotes weight loss and maintenance of a healthy weight. People can lose weight without exercising, but it’s difficult. More than 90% of members of the National Weight Control Registry, for example, composed of people who have lost an average of 66 pounds and kept it off for 5.5 years, used both exercise and calorie restriction to lose weight and maintain the loss.(6) What it means for your sex life - For many women, being overweight adversely affects their body image and sexual feelings. Although beautiful, sexy bodies come in all shapes and sizes, the reality is that most women feel sexier and more confident if they maintain a body weight that’s healthy for their height, build and age. Regular exercise can help women move toward that healthy weight goal. It also tones muscles and builds strength, both of which contribute to a positive body image.
Exercise increases energy and promotes sexual satisfaction. What it means for your health - When people feel weary and worn out , their natural inclination is to rest or take a nap. Researchers have discovered, however, that people who take a walk feel better and report higher energy levels than those who rest or nap. Over time, sedentary people who begin an exercise program report higher levels of energy than those who remain sedentary.(7) What it means for your sex life - People who feel energetic are more likely to be in the mood for sex and to enjoy sexual activity. This is especially true for women, whose libido is often closely linked to fatigue and energy levels. So anything that boosts energy is a plus. And in addition to boosting energy, exercise may increase desire and sexual satisfaction (4) – a win-win situation all the way around!

Later this week I’ll share some tips for getting started with exercise, or improving your current exercise program. In the meantime, I’d love to hear about your experiences with exercise and health. Gaye

References and Additional Reading: (1) Physical Activity Guidelines for Americans (2) Exercise is Medicine

(3) WebMD – Exercise and Sex (4) WebMD – Exercise and Depression 1 Exercise and Depression 2 (5) WebMD – Obesity (6) National Weight Control Registry (7) WebMD – Exercise and Energy

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Fit and Healthy Friday – Set Healthy Living Goals for June

May31

Summer is almost here, and it’s the perfect time to eat fresh, healthy food, get more exercise, and take time to relax with your husband. If you want to do one (or all!) of those things this summer, now’s the time set some goals and make plans to achieve them.

Last month I linked up with Fit and Healthy Friday, sponsored by Heather and Ashley. It takes place on the last Friday of each month and provides a place for women to share their goals and support each other in healthier living. I decided to participate because their link-up seemed like a fun way to remind myself and my wonderful readers to set goals that will help us live calmer, healthier and sexier lives. Now it’s time to check in, assess our progress and set some new goals .

Here’s what happened with my goals for May:

Eat at least 7 fruits and vegetables every day. I did really well with this one – I met this goal at least 6 and sometimes 7 days a week. My two strategies for achieving it were to have a fruit and veggie smoothie for breakfast every day and to eat a big salad at least once a day.
Do a strength workout 3 days a week. Not so good – I probably averaged only 1.5 -2 strength workouts per week. I did cardio 6 days a week, but I really need to bump up the strength training.
Lose 4 pounds. I lost 2.5 pounds in May and lost 3.5 total in April and May. It doesn’t sound like much, but I only needed to lost 5 to reach my goal weight. So now I only need to lose 1.5 to reach my goal! I’m satisfied with my progress on this goal, because losing the last 5 pounds is very difficult for me.

My goals for June are:

Continue to eat at least 7 fruits and vegetables every day.
Reach and maintain goal weight.
Prep fruits, vegetables, and meal ingredients for the week on Sunday, in order to make it easier to cook healthy meals and pack health lunches.

Now it’s your turn. Did you set goals for May? How did you do? What are your healthy living goals for June? Everyone can participate in Fit and Healthy Friday. If you have a blog, it’s easy to join in – just write a post that shares your goals and link it to Fit & Healthy Friday . If you don’t have a blog, you can create a Note on Facebook that lists your goals (go to your Profile page, click on More, then Notes, then Add Note). After you’ve saved the Note, paste its URL into the link-up on Heather’s site. Or just share your goals in the Comments below. You also can Tweet about your goals and progress, and read what others are doing, using #fitandhealthyfriday. Let’s link up and encourage each other in our efforts to live calmer, healthier and sexier. Gaye

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5 Ways “Hotel Sex” Can Boost Your Marriage

May26

Are you looking for a way to ignite sex in your marriage? Do you feel disconnected from your husband and want to jump start your intimacy and connection? Or is everything going smoothly, but you just want to have a bit of fun? In all of these cases, “hotel sex” may be just what you need!

So, what exactly is “hotel sex?” Clearly, it includes having sex in a hotel or motel! But, we can stretch the definition a bit and include any sex you enjoy in a place that provides lots of privacy with little or no responsibility. So it could include sex in a cabin, cottage or inn – but not sex at your in-laws’ house! Basically, it’s a time for you and your husband to break away from your normal surroundings and responsibilities and reignite the passion in your marriage.

Getting away, even for one night, sometimes requires extensive planning. But it’s truly worth the effort! Here are five ways hotel sex can boost your marriage:

It allows you to relax in a way many women can’t at home. Many wives and mothers are always “on” at home – something or someone always requires their attention. Even when the kids are in bed, we find it hard to relax while looking at an empty refrigerator or piles of dirty clothes! In a hotel, however, we aren’t responsible for anything! Nobody is calling “Mom, Mom, Mooommm!” every five minutes, we don’t have to make the bed, heck – we don’t even have to hang up the towels! Because most women need to be relaxed in order to enjoy sex, getting away from our responsibilities once in a while can provide just the relaxing boost we need!
It allows you to release some inhibitions. Once we’re relaxed, it’s easier to let go of inhibitions. In a hotel or motel, no one is going to hear us or see us. No one will walk through the door at an inopportune moment. No one knows us. So it’s easier to relax and let go of some of the things that worry us about sex at home.
It gives you a chance to try something new. In a hotel, you can wear the racy lingerie you don’t wear at home. Or sexy high heels. Or nothing. You can try a new position. You can take a bath together or have sex in the shower. You can make love in the middle of the afternoon or first thing in the morning. You can try a sex toy or a flavored lubricant. Anything you’ve been hesitant to try at home, you can try it first in a hotel!
It says to your husband, “I value this part of our marriage.” Taking the time to spend a weekend, or even just one night, in a hotel lets your husband know you value sex and intimacy with him. If you take the initiative to plan the time away, even better. More than likely, he values sex and intimacy with you, so seeing you make it a priority will encourage him.
It builds intimacy and connection that strengthens your marriage. Sex is critical to marriage – we can’t have strong marriages without it. Some women think it’s just something “he needs.” But it’s so much more! (And we need it too!) It’s a big component of the glue that holds us together – without it, we’re just roommates. Enjoying hotel sex once or twice a year certainly isn’t all we need, but it can reignite or just strengthen that part of our marriage.

Want to give it a try? Plan a night or a weekend away in the near future. Two nights are better than one, because you have more time to relax. You can make it a full-fledged getaway, or just head to a hotel in a nearby town or city. Don’t go too far, because it’s about spending time together, not traveling.

What do you think? Is it worth the effort? Can you make it happen? Please share your thoughts in the Comments – I would love to hear from you. Gaye

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Pursuing Our Dreams – “Why not me? Why not now?”

May22

This past weekend I attended a conference for women bloggers, sponsored by The SITS Girls. I went to the conference expecting to learn a lot, and I did. I did not go expecting to be inspired, but I was. All of the speakers presented great information that I’ll use to improve and grow this blog. But one speaker, Tiffany Romero, founder of The SITS Girls, said some things that just keep rolling around in my head.

“Why not me? Why not now?” Tiffany challenged us to ask ourselves these two questions. She reminded us that women are achieving their dreams every day, women who are very much like us. So if we have dreams we haven’t yet achieved, we need to stop and ask, “Why not me? Is there any reason I can’t achieve my dream?” (No, there isn’t.) And, “Why not now? Is there any reason I can’t start today and move forward toward my dream? (Maybe, but probably not.)

OK, I know your circumstances probably won’t let you to rush headlong into pursuing your dream. Mine won’t either. But we can start. And we can move forward, making progress every week.

First, however, we have to know where we want to go (“What’s your end game?”) and how we’re going to get there. Tiffany encouraged us to do three things – 1) Know your goal, 2) Make your plan and 3) Work your plan. And if you’re overwhelmed with information and ideas and don’t know where to begin (like me!), she encouraged us to “pick one thing that resonates and work on it this week.”

What’s your dream? Maybe, like the women at the conference, you want to start or grow a blog. Or write a book or pursue art or music. Or start a business. Maybe you want to stay home with your children. Or start a ministry. Perhaps you want to strengthen or restore your marriage. Or take charge of your health by exercising and eating well. Every woman’s dream is different, but each one is valid and worth pursuing. And the way to reach it is to start now, with a goal and a plan, moving forward one step (even one baby step!) at a time.

My dream is that this blog will become a resource for married women who want to live calmer and healthier lives and enjoy great sex and intimacy with their husbands. My way-out-in-left-field dream is to write a book on the same topics I write about here. I’m not convinced I can achieve either one, but after this weekend I’m encouraged and am making plans and moving forward. Because, when I really stop and think about it, “Why not me? Why not now?”

What’s your dream and how are you pursuing it? If you aren’t, what’s holding you back? Please share your thoughts in the Comments – I would love to hear from you. Gaye

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Slow Things Down and Shake Things Up This Summer

May16

Summer should be a time to relax, slow down, try new things, and enjoy a bit of fun. The reality for most women, however, is that summer looks very much like the rest of the year. Except for (maybe) a week of vacation, it’s go, go, go all the time – all year long.

But what if summer could be different? What if you and I could slow things down and shake things up this summer? What if we could relax a bit, slow our pace a little, do some things we want to do and have a little fun? I think it’s possible, if we’re willing to adjust our mindset and make a few simple changes. Are you willing to give it a try? If so, here are four steps we can take to get started:

Change the “frame” of your life for the summer. What’s the “frame” that defines your life? For many women it’s some combination of busy, stressed, overworked, tired and constantly on the go. It looks something like this. But what if you changed the “frame,” just for the summer, and defined your life with calm, health, relaxation, fun and intimacy – or any other combination of good things you’ve been craving? It would involve making significant changes in your mindset, priorities and schedule. You would need to transition from thinking, “I don’t have time for that” to “I’m going to take time for that.” Or from “I just have so much going on” to “I’m letting go of some things I’ve been doing, to enjoy some things I really want to do. With those kinds of changes, your “frame” might end up looking like this.
Let go and say no - i.e., slow things down. Once you’ve started looking at summer in a new way, it’s time to make some space in your life. So, for the next three months, let go of some of the things you’ve been doing and say no to any new requests for your time and energy. You don’t have to attend committee meetings, plan fundraisers, do volunteer work or even teach Sunday School during the summer. You really don’t. And you certainly don’t have to say yes to fundraising for the Little League team or organizing concessions for the gymnastics meet. You just don’t.
Take steps to enjoy your new “frame” – i.e., shake things up. Now that you’ve freed up time and energy, start doing some things you really want to do. Maybe you want to start an exercise program and get in shape, begin cooking healthy meals, enjoy more sex and greater intimacy with your husband, spend weekends relaxing with your family, read a good book, catch up on sleep, or visit with family or friends. Anything you’ve been longing to do that will bring joy, health, happiness or peace to your life – do it regularly this summer.
Enlist the help you need to make it all work. I know – the reality is, these things are easier said than done. Most women are busy and wear a lot of hats. So determine what kind of help you need to make your new “frame” work, and then figure out a way to get it. One possibility is to hire a young teenager to help you. Many teens who are too young for a regular summer job are eager to earn some money. So find a reliable friend’s or neighbor’s teenage child and hire him or her for a few hours, several days a week. A responsible teenager can watch your young children while you get some things done, tackle basic lawn chores, fold clothes, or help with light housework. Enlist your own children to help too – it’s in their own self-interest to have a mom who’s more relaxed and willing to do fun things! In addition, talk to your husband about what you’re trying to do, and enlist his help. Most husbands would be thrilled for their wives to slow down and enjoy life a little more, so work together to figure out how to make it happen.

So, are you interested in slowing things down and shaking things up this summer – maybe just a little bit, or maybe a lot? I am, and I’m working on my plans for how to make it happen. Please share your thoughts and plans in the Comments – I would love to hear from you. I also would love for you to subscribe to Calm.Healthy.Sexy. by email (enter your email address in the sidebar under Subscribe to Blog Via Email) or Bloglovin’. Or follow on Twitter (@CalmHealthySexy), Facebook, or Pinterest. Thanks. Gaye

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CalmHealthySexy Cooks! Spicy Italian Beef

May10

Here’s a cooking confession – I make a shredded beef dish in my Crockpot almost every week, either this delicious Italian beef or Tex-Mex Shredded Beef. They’re easy and healthy, I can throw them together in 5 minutes, and everyone in my family loves them. The beef can be eaten as a main dish, with simple sides such as brown rice and a salad, or as a filling for sandwiches, tacos or quesadillas. This recipe makes a lot of meat, so I always have enough for a second meal or lunches to take to work. It’s my go-to option on very busy days. I hope you and your family will enjoy it.

Spicy Italian Beef

Print recipe

Meal type	Main Dish
Misc	Child Friendly, Pre-preparable, Serve Hot

This delicious Italian shredded beef recipe makes delicious sandwiches or a wonderful main dish, served with rice and a salad or your favorite sides.

Ingredients

2 London broil roasts (2-3 pounds each)
1 can beef broth
1 12 oz. jar pepperoncini peppers
1-2 tablespoon Italian seasoning

Directions


Place roasts into Crockpot. Sprinkle Italian seasoning over meat. Add beef broth and peppers (including the liquid). Cover and cook all day on low (approximately 8-10 hours). Carefully remove the cooked meat to a large plate. Remove and discard the peppers. Shred the meat using a fork and/or tongs, discarding any fatty pieces. Place shredded meat back into Crockpot and keep warm until serving.

Notes

This beef makes delicious sandwiches - my boys like it on chewy rolls with a slice of provolone. It's also great with a side of brown rice and a salad.

Buy the best quality beef you can get. I can't afford grass-fed or organic beef, but I do buy beef that's hormone-free and antibiotic-free whenever possible. Look for it on sale and stock up. You can use other cuts of beef to make this dish. However, I've found that roasts labelled "London broil" (or "top round") make very good shredded beef without a lot of waste or fat.

Also buy the best beef broth you can get. It's difficult to find organic beef broth in regular grocery stores. You can find it at Trader Joe's, Whole Foods and similar stores. At the very least, try to buy the reduced-sodium variety.

Beef broth and pepperoncini peppers are high in sodium (unless you can find unsalted beef broth), so take that into account if you are limiting sodium in your diet.

This recipe makes a lot of meat. You can halve it, but I like to make the full recipe and have plenty for a second meal or lunches to take to work.

What’s on your menu this week? Monday – Leftover grilled steak, corn on the cob, salad; Tuesday – Salad with grilled chicken; Wednesday – Whole chicken cooked in the Crockpot, risotto, salad; Thursday – Chicken salad and fruit; Friday – Homemade pizza

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Weave the Fabric of Your Marriage, One Thread at a Time

May9

Thanks to Tyson Cooper, author of Uplifting Love, for sharing this quote from Simone Signoret in his article Hundreds of Tiny Threads. I had never heard the quote before, but was immediately struck by the implications of those words.

It’s true, isn’t it? Although the big events of our married lives create wonderful and exciting memories, it’s the small, everyday, seemingly mundane things that knit us together. The glances, the touches, the smiles, the funny stories, the private jokes, the acts of service – these are the threads that weave the fabric of our marriages.

Unfortunately, small acts can also destroy the fabric of a marriage. The resentments, the silences, the criticisms, the angry replies, the withering looks, the acts of love withheld – each one cuts a slender thread, eventually leaving us with a tattered mess.

Let’s choose, today and every day, to weave new threads into our marriages, with small acts that strengthen the fabric and increase its beauty.

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Flip One Switch to “Positive”

May5

One Positive Change Can Ignite a Series of Positive Changes

What’s holding you back from living a calmer, healthier, sexier life? Does it seem like a lot of things, almost too many to overcome? Maybe your marriage is stressed by poor communication, lack of time and limited intimacy? Perhaps you feel unhappy because you’ve gained weight, lack energy and feel uncomfortable in your body. Or maybe you feel as if your schedule isn’t your own, that you’re always running from one thing to another, trying to make other people happy. Or maybe other things are making it almost impossible for you to live in a way that minimizes stress and maximizes health, vitality, energy and intimacy.

But what if you didn’t have to change all of the the things in order to live the life you really want? What if you only had to flip the switch from negative to positive on one thing? Could you do it? I think you can, and believe something very encouraging would happen if you did.

Often, one positive change can ignite a series of positive changes. You begin walking regularly, then notice that you’re eating healthier food and have lost weight. Or you stop accepting criticism from a perpetually critical “friend,” then find that you’re more assertive at work and with your children. Or you decide to make intimacy a priority in your marriage, then realize that you and your husband are communicating better and making an effort to spend more time together. In other words, to initiate a series of positive changes in your life, begin by making just one positive change.

Are you ready to make a positive change that could cascade into a series of changes? If so, here are a few tips for getting started:

Identify the things that are holding you back from living a calmer, healthier, sexier life.
Pick one thing you want to change in a positive way. Choose something you have the power to change yourself, without waiting for or relying on others to make changes.
Decide on one or two steps and begin taking them. Don’t try to take too many steps at once, but make the steps you pick a priority in your life. If necessary, move other things to a lower priority so you can focus on them.
As you see a positive change begin to take place, take a look at the big picture – are other positive changes occurring too, even though you didn’t focus on them?

Have you made one positive change that turned into a series of positive changes, or observed that happening in someone else’s life? Please share your thoughts in the Comments – I would love to hear from you. Gaye

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