If you’re like me, you probably need some help coming up with fun and sexy ideas for your marriage. (Or am I the only one…) But in order to really make those ideas work for you, you also need a plan that will help you build your confidence and embrace your sexuality.
Recently, we talked about 5 ways to feel sexier this year. These are important steps to take if you want to build your confidence, embrace your sensuality, and enjoy sex and intimacy in your marriage this year. If you haven’t yet read that article, I encourage you to read it now.
Once you begin taking those steps toward embracing your sexuality, you may find that you need some ideas to help you keep moving toward increased confidence and better sex and intimacy. That’s where this article comes in.
It shares 30 fun and sexy ideas, ranging from very simple to a bit more complicated. Most of them, though, are simple and realistic – they’re things that even the busiest wives and moms can do to give their sexuality a boost and to really start to enjoy sex and intimacy.
If you’re ready to give it a try, pick two or three of the ideas and try them over the next couple of weeks:
• Read a sex-positive article, blog or book every day for two weeks. (Check out my marriage resources and these resources from other marriage bloggers and authors.
• Remind yourself that God created your sexuality and that it’s good. Many woman learned as children and teenagers that their sexuality was bad and should be quashed. But that’s a lie. Your sexuality is good, so spend some time affirming it and embracing it. (If that seems difficult, you may want to check out Is It Okay for a Christian Wife to Enjoy Sex?)
• Make a playlist of sexy music and listen to it regularly. Try playing it in your bedroom, but also listen to it at other times and let it help you get into a more sensual frame of mind. (Check out these sexy and romantic music suggestions for all kinds of music lovers.)
• Arrange for a night at home alone and enjoy time with your husband without interruptions. Take time to enjoy being together in different ways – from eating dinner or watching a movies to making love. If he’s moving too quickly, ask him to slow down – and let him know what feels good to you.
• Give your husband a sensuous back rub or massage, or ask him to give you one. (Includes Amazon affiliate links.) You can buy massage oil, but you can also make your own with coconut oil and a few drops of a sensual essential oils blend or any essential oils that appeal to you.
• Send your husband sexy texts throughout the day and follow up on them that night. Ask him to send some to you. He may love the idea and jump right on it, or it may take him a while to get used to it.
• Wear clothing or accessories that make you feel sexy. It can be something simple – a great pair of heels, dangling earrings, a slim skirt, a well-fitted top. This is hard to do, because we tend to wear clothes that help us get the job done – at home or at the office. But those clothes usually don’t help use feel sensual or sexy.
• Buy and wear lingerie that makes you feel sexy. Wear what makes you feel good, not somebody else’s idea of what it means to be sexy. If you feel comfortable in it, you’re much more likely to feel sexy in it. And wear it on “regular” days sometimes, not just on date night.
• Set a romantic mood in your bedroom, with candles, scents, dim lighting and/or music. If your bedroom has become the command center (or laundry center!) of your family’s life, it doesn’t promote sex, intimacy or romance. So try to reclaim your bedroom for relaxing, sleeping and making love, and then find ways to create a romantic atmosphere. (Be careful with candles in the bedroom!)
Ask for what you need in order to boost your sexuality. Many women find that they need a break from the kids, help with the house, time out of the house, time to relax in the evening or something else in order to feel sensual and enjoy sex. This can be very hard for women, who are used to doing everything for everyone, but it’s critical if you want to boost your sexuality and save your sanity. (Related and equally important – practice saying “no.”)
• Pray about your marriage and sex life. A weird idea? Maybe. But if you believe in God and believe He created intimacy for marriage, talk to Him about anything that’s keeping you from embracing your sexuality and enjoying sex fully.
• Make love at an unexpected time or in an unexpected place. When anything becomes routine, even sex, it becomes boring. So make love at a different time or in a different place, just to shake things up a bit.
• Change one small thing. And when you can’t make a different time or place happen, try a small change. Even something as insignificant as putting the pillows at the foot of the bed and lying “upside down” can make a difference. (Trust me on this one!)
• Take a shower together. Hot water, slippery soap – you know it will be fun! If it seems too exposed, dim the lights and use candles for lighting.
• Initiate sex. Do you always wait for your husband to initiate sex? If so, take matters into your own hands and get things started every now and then.
• Read Song of Songs. It’s the Biblical repository of sexy ideas!
• Arrange for a night away from home and enjoy “hotel sex.” Getting out of the house and away from your daily responsibilities can really make a difference in your ability to relax and enjoy sex.
• Train your mind to understand that sex isn’t just something for your husband. Many women have learned, or allowed themselves to believe, that sex is primarily about their husbands. And when something is always for someone else and never for you, it’s always going to be a chore, never a pleasure. So keep working at it until you recognize that, in every possible way, sex is for you too.
• Train your mind to think positively about sex. Reading sex-positive books and blogs helps, but sometimes you have to make a conscious effort to work on your mind too. Notice when you’re thinking negatively about sex or your sexuality, and get into the habit of retraining your mind to think about both positively.
• Anticipate sex throughout the day. This is a form of training your mind. When you’re planning to have sex in the evening, practice thinking positively about it during the day.
• Figure out what makes your body feel good. Then do it! Take some time to explore your body, with your husband or on your own, and figure out what feels good to you. Then communicate those things to your husband and make sure that they become a part of your lovemaking.
• Make love regularly. It creates a positive cycle that makes both of you feel more loving, more relaxed, and less tense and anxious. And it puts you in a frame of mind to have sex more often.
• Plan your day with sex in mind, to ensure you end up with time and energy for it at the end of the day. Don’t run yourself ragged every day so that you end up collapsing into bed at the end of the day. Instead, make time on some days to wind things down early in the evening, to allow you some time to relax and shift into a more sensual frame of mind.
• Get in the habit of going to bed at the same time. If you can’t do this every night, try to do it 3 or 4 times per week. Going to be together gives you time to relax together, unwind and make love.
• Initiate morning sex. Or Sunday afternoon nap sex. Just something different and unexpected, to add a little bit of unpredictability to your life and marriage.
Dance together. My husband and I are not dancers, and we don’t do this. But I wish we would. I can see how it could be fun and sexy, especially with the right music.
• Practice moving your body in sensual ways. Check out videos for belly dancing or sensual yoga or dance. Or just move your body in ways that feel good to you.
• Pull out your lingerie and try it on. Which items make you feel good about your body? Move those items to the front of your drawer or closet and wear them more often.
What are your ideas for fun and sexy ideas for marriages? Please share them in the Comments – I would love to hear from you.
(This article is for women in generally healthy marriages. If you’re in a difficult marriage, these ideas won’t be helpful to you. In that case, please seek help from a professional counselor in your community. And if you’re in an abusive marriage, please seek help from law enforcement or a domestic violence resource in your community. Abuse is never the fault of the person being abused, and tips for improving your sex life will never improve an abusive situation.)
Looking for a way to boost your libido, feel sexier and enjoy intimacy more? Check out Sheila Gregoire’s 10-video Boost Your Libido video course that’s packed with great information and resources (affiliate link).
Yes well I can do all these things but hubby has stated quite plainly he is no longer interested
Hi Debbie – I am so sorry. That is very difficult. One person can only do so much – the other person has to be willing to take some steps too. I am praying for you right now.
Julie Molewyk says
Thank you, Gaye. This was a really good read!
Thanks so much, Julie!