Do you ever feel like your body is your enemy, rather than your friend? I’ve been thinking for a while that many women feel exactly that way, and several things I read this week helped clarify the idea in my mind. In particular, three posts by J at Hot, Holy and Humorous about how difficult it is for wives to enjoy being naked with their husbands made me realize how much women are struggling to overcome problems with and perceptions of their bodies. In a sense, their bodies have become their enemies.
Here’s what I think happens. Beginning with pregnancy, many of us begin to feel as if we’ve lost control of our bodies. And certainly, when we’re pregnant, we have lost control – another human being has taken over and is doing very strange things to our formerly normal bodies! Then there’s breastfeeding, which also requires ceding a certain amount of control over our bodies. Then come the toddler and preschool years, in which little people are constantly touching us and climbing all over us! And in the midst of all that, another pregnancy frequently starts the cycle all over again. And then we’re exhausted and want people to stop touching us, but our husbands still want to have sex with us. And so sex becomes something for him, rather than something for both of us, and we feel even more control slipping away. And then we start running the kids from one activity to another, and there doesn’t seem to be any time to take care of ourselves, and we start to feel exhausted or fat or frumpy. And then we realize we’re not getting any younger and it’s harder to lose weight and we don’t bounce back the way we once did. And are those crow’s feet I see?
At this point, I think many women simply feel as if they’ve lost control. Their body isn’t their own – it’s taken on an unwelcome life of it’s own. It’s become an enemy, rather than a friend. It’s doing what it wants to do, and they feel helpless to stop it.
The good news is, we can stop this cycle. We can take back control of our bodies and change the way we think and feel about them. We can turn them from enemies into friends. And these four steps can help us get started:
- Understand that cultural images of women are just that – images. Almost no woman looks like the women we see in magazines and on television. For reasons I don’t completely understand, our culture seems intent on making women feel as if they don’t measure up. It also focuses on physical appearance to the exclusion of other aspects of a woman’s beauty. And it keeps us from understanding that we don’t have to look like supermodels in order to be beautiful or that, in most cases, our husbands find us very attractive, despite what we perceive as our flaws.
- Take control of your body through exercise. This isn’t my usual tirade about the health benefits of exercise. This is about using exercise as a tool for taking back control of your body and turning it from your enemy into your friend. Many of the things that make us feel as if we’ve lost control of our bodies, particularly weight gain, loss of muscle tone (feeling “flabby”), low energy, and that overall frumpy feeling, can be alleviated through regular exercise. Committing to a program of regular exercise and sticking with it sends important messages to yourself and others, including – I’m in charge of my body. I’m taking care of my body. I’m building a strong and healthy body. I’m worth the time and effort it takes to become fit, strong and healthy.
- Take control of your body through eating well. Again, this isn’t about the health benefits of eating well per se. It’s about taking control of your body by eating real foods that promote health, strength and beauty, rather than processed foods that promote fatigue, weight gain and illness. When your diet consists primarily of fast food, junk food, and foods high in sugar and chemicals, you’re exchanging convenience for control. The control comes from feeding your body well – taking the time and effort needed to prepare and eat foods that build a strong and healthy body.
- Create some space in your life. Taking control of your body requires time and space. You can’t be running full-steam-ahead 18 hours a day and expect to have energy to devote to your body, mind or spirit. Something (or, more likely, some things) will have to change. If your body feels like an enemy, and you want it to become a friend, you’ll have to make time for things like exercise, eating well, and generally maintaining your sanity. Running all day, every day, until you drop into bed from exhaustion is part of the problem. Creating time and space in your life is part of the solution.
Clearly, we can’t control everything that happens to our bodies. Sometimes we get sick, sometimes we get injured, sometimes bad stuff happens. And as we get older, our bodies change in ways we probably won’t like. But I think we give up too easily, and let go of things we really can control. And sometimes we let our bodies become our enemies, when we have the power to make them our friends. What do you think? I would love to hear from you. Gaye
Helpful articles on this and related subjects:
- Tips for Confidently Baring It All – Hot, Holy and Humorous
- Am I Beautiful Enough? – The Forgiven Wife
- Why am I Sick All the Time? – Juggling Real Food and Real Life
- She’s Watching Me – The Deliberate Mom – What do our daughters see in us?
- When I Stopped Hating My Husband for Loving Me – Beth Woolsey
Sharing with Six Sisters Stuff, Family Fun Friday, Friday Pin Fest, Friday Link Party – The Pin Junkie, Weekend Wind Down Get Schooled Saturday, SITS Sharefest, Stumble Upon Link Up, Weekend Wind Down, Friday Pin Fest, The HomeAcre Hop, From the Farm Blog Hop, The Weekend ReTreat, Family Fun Friday, The Pin It Party, To Love, Honor and Vacuum, That’s Fresh Friday, Messy Marriage and The Chicken Chick.
Amy R says
I think you’re right about feeling like we’re not un control of our bodies. I am unable to have children, and the hatred I have for my body is intense. I’m now closing in on 40, and the changes in my body, combined with the issues I’ve had for the last 12 years, are really pressing on me. Thank you for this important article.
GC says
Hi Amy – Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting. I’m so sorry about the difficulties you’ve been through. It’s hard to love our bodies, and the addition of health or other issues makes it that much harder. I hope you’ve been able to talk with a counselor about all you’ve been through.
Gaye
Anne Whitten says
body self image is a huge problem for so many of us, so I wanted to share how I overcame that issue quite successfully. First off, develop a fun new hygiene regime that includes baths, oils, sensual perfumes, and a little self pleasure. Change up those dowdy intimates and buy some new sexier ones. I found the feeling of just being naked intimidating, so I started doing my housework naked (when no one was home or due to come over of course) to get over that issue. Man, I got a lot of stuff done in short order! Point is, it worked…. I still enjoy that privacy with myself. Generally speaking, buy some new clothes that really flatter your better parts and help you feel attractive. Moo Moo’s are a no no! Also, go out and get a bit of sun on your body, a little tan goes a long way, besides the vitamin D is good for you.
As a side note, if your body has changed over the years, odds are your husband’s has too. Men are just as sensitive as we are about body image so I beg you, focus more on him than yourself. Tell him what you like about his body, his entire body! When in the heat of passion, do you care what he looks like? Probably not, so count on it ladies, he doesn’t either!
I am 63 years old, was single for 30 of them, and had been chaste all those years, so it was a long time since I had been seen naked and a lot of changes took place that were hard to let anyone see! I’m still slender, but that dang thing called skin sag as set in which had me troubled greatly. You know what? Hubby doesn’t even see it. He says in 36, not 63!
GC says
Thanks so much, Anne! These are great tips! It is all about taking action that will help us change our frame of mind. It sounds like you’ve done an awesome job developing a positive outlook and becoming comfortable with your body.
Thanks so much for stopping by.
Gaye
Kathi says
I tend to put others first, so finding time for me took a backseat for so many years. I’m working harder on that now. Thank you for sharing this at the HomeAcre Hop; I hope you’ll join us again this Thursday.
Kathi at Oak Hill Homestead
GC says
Thank you, Kathi – I will.
Gaye
Debra says
Talk about timing. I was just thinking about this topic this morning. Great advice! Visiting from SITS.
GC says
Thanks so much for stopping by, Debra.
Gaye
Elizabeth says
Isn’t it funny how difficult it is to accept ourselves? Beauty is so random in the world and media view. Less than 5% of women can even look like a “model” and 80% of adult women are somehow unhappy with their body image. We need to love ourselves and recognize how beautiful and unique we each are. Thanks for the reminder here. Found you at SITS.
GC says
Thanks so much, Elizabeth. It’s shocking how hard we are on ourselves!
Gaye
Patty says
What a great post! And so true. It’s so sad that us women can so easily believe the lies that we have to be “this way” or “weigh this much” in order to measure up. Your post was a great reminder that we need to take the time to care for ourselves which will result in a healthier self-image.
Stopped by from SITS Sharefest. Have a great weekend!
GC says
Thanks so much, Patty.
Gaye
DeDivahDeals says
Thanks for sharing this and linking up again with us at the #WWDParty.
Crystal From Tidbits of Experience says
I love this because I’m struggling with my self-worth and self-esteem issues a lot lately. I’m working diligently to overcome those issues. I’m writing a series on my experience with that.
GC says
Thanks Crystal. I hope some of this is helpful to you.
Gaye
Chrystal says
I gave up on taking care of me due to pain issues. I’m trying to push through the pain and get me back. it’s not easy.
GC says
Hi Chrystal – I’m so sorry to hear that. It is difficult to focus on anything else when you’re in pain. I hope you can get some resolution soon.
Gaye
ForgivenWife says
This is a wonderful post, Gaye. This is an on-going issue for me, although I’ve recently taken some steps (very tiny baby steps, anyway) forward.
Thanks for linking to my post, too!
GC says
Thanks Chris. I think this is a very hard issue for a lot of women, me included.
Gaye
Carrie Groneman says
GREAT post Gaye. Informative and just plain common sense. Thank you for putting this together to help us step back and realize our individuality is divine, to do our best and not compare our self with others. Carrie, A Mother’s Shadow
GC says
Thanks Carrie. Yes, that “not comparing” thing is hard, isn’t it?
Gaye
jugglingrealfoodandreallife says
Such great advice Gaye. I work so hard at staying in control of my life, but for years I just let my body go. I still need to work at making exercise more routine for me, but I remember when I made the change to real food having this euphoric feeling of being in control of my body. Instead of letting food manufacturers take control, I was in control.
GC says
Hi Christina – Yes, the sense of control you feel when making that sort of change is powerful, isn’t it? Thanks so much for your support, as always.
Gaye
DeDivahDeals says
I think once we stop trying to look like models/actresses and become happy with out own bodies the enemy will be defeated!