Have you ever wished you could feel more sensual? Do you ever think that “a sensual woman” describes other women, but not you? If so, you’re not alone. Many women have lost track of their sensuality, finding that it tends to get buried under the busyness of daily life.
If that sounds familiar, I’m right there with you. I tend to let fatigue and the “stuff” of daily life drown out my sensuality. In addition, I operate almost entirely out of my head, rather than my senses or emotions, which has the effect of pouring ice water on my sensual side! Add in a pandemic, work from home, virtual school, and worries about keeping everyone healthy – and stress levels for me and most women are at an all-time high!
So if you rarely feel sensual – or aren’t even sure what that means – trust me, you’re not alone.
So what does it mean to be or feel sensual? It’s not the same as sexual, but the two are related, because the more you embrace your sensuality, the easier it will be to embrace your sexuality.
I think that learning to feel more sensual means paying attention to and enjoying the things that your senses are telling you. It means experiencing pleasure through your senses by noticing and enjoying beautiful smells, delicious tastes, interesting sounds, and the pleasures of touch.
I have a friend who was born in Greece and lived there until she was 18. To me, she embodies what it means to be sensual. Her life revolves around the things she senses – beautiful music, gorgeous colors, silky fabrics, delicious foods, and uplifting conversations. She constantly notices and embraces those things – paying attention to her senses is as natural to her as breathing. Part of it is her personality, and part of it is the focus on the senses that she experienced as a child and adolescent.
My guess is that it’s also very easy for her to embrace her sexuality.
I won’t ever be exactly like her, but I’d like to be more like her. I’d like to notice and enjoy the things my senses are telling me. I think it would add something that’s missing to my life, and also would help me more easily make the transition from working woman/mom/writer to sensual and sexual woman.
What about you?
Most of the women I know aren’t living like my friend – they aren’t embracing (or even paying attention to) their senses. Why? Because they’re too busy. And too stressed. And too stuck in their heads (like me).
And those things are guaranteed to push your sensuality out the door, then lock the door and throw away the key! You can’t embrace the things your senses are trying to tell you if you’re so busy or stressed or tired that you don’t even notice them.
Over the next month, I’m going to work on breaking the cycle of operating out of my head all the time. I’m going to be more intentional about finding the sensual woman inside of me (I think she’s in there somewhere!) by slowing down and experiencing what’s going on around me. If you want to do the same, here are 5 things I encourage you to try:
5 Simple Ways to Feel More Sensual
• Offload some of your stress. Our bodies were designed to deal with stress in short bursts and to experience our senses regularly, but we do the opposite. We operate in stress mode most of the time, and we rarely notice what our senses are telling or showing us. We think it’s normal, but it’s not.
But, letting go of this approach to life takes some time and effort. It may require saying ‘no’ or ‘no more’ to some things, managing your schedule in a way that frees up some of your time, or stepping away from people or situations that rev your stress engine. And in the current stressful world we’re living in, it may involve focusing on what you can control and just letting go of the things you can’t control.
Can you do that? Can you make a change or remove yourself from a situation that causes stress for you? You may not think you can, but I encourage you to give it a try. Make it a priority and do one or two things to reduce your stress level over the next two weeks.
• Disconnect from your devices. It almost goes without saying that phones, tablets, computers, and television are damaging our ability to notice and enjoy the things that our senses are telling us. In addition, these devices add to our stress levels. So start scheduling some time to disconnect every day. Try to put your devices away for a period of time each day. Use that time to focus on something you can perceive through your sense of touch, taste, smell, or sight.
• Slow down. Most of us operate at warp speed much of the time. But I’ve noticed that my sensual friend doesn’t. Yes, she works hard and gets things done, but she also sings, paints, goes out for coffee with her husband, enjoys a glass of wine in the backyard, and takes time to enjoy good meals.
Maybe you and I can’t do all of that, but we can do one or two things that allow us to slow down and experience life – not just plow through it. I told my husband that I want us to sit outside and have a glass of wine a couple of nights a week this month – rather than coming home from work every day and working until it’s time to go to bed, which is what we usually do.
I also want to take an occasional Saturday (or at least half a Saturday!) off and just do something enjoyable. We usually spend Saturdays doing yard work, house work, and writing work. Yes, those things have to be done. But they get in the way of feeling sensual and embracing the sensual woman inside of me. And, more than likely, they hinder those things for you too.
• Look for ways to indulge your senses. Go outside and enjoy the sounds and smells of nature. Drink a glass of wine. Eat a meal slowly. Take a warm bath. Wear clothes that feel wonderful on your skin. Burn scented candles or diffuse essential oils. Write down 10 sense-inducing things you really want to do, and then do one each day. Or, pick one of your senses and focus on it every day this week. Then focus on another one next week.
• Do things that make you feel alive. I know, most of the things you do make you feel exhausted, not alive. That’s just the way it is, especially if you have children at home. But it doesn’t have to be that way 100% of the time.
Think of something you love – something that makes you feel vibrant and alive – and make room for it in your life. Just start doing it, even if only for 10 minutes a day. That may mean letting go of something that doesn’t make you feel alive and, frankly, that’s okay. Do it.
If you’ve lost sight of the sensual woman who lives inside of you, take some time over the next month to find and embrace her again. Focus on your senses, and let go of things that dull or overshadow them. I think you’ll be amazed at the feelings you’ll awaken within a very short period of time.
Need more sensuality tips? Check out Episode 91 of the Sex Chat for Christian Wives podcast – How to Feel More Sensual