This may be a touchy subject, but I’m going to jump in with both feet because I think it’s a critical topic for wives and moms to consider. So here goes – you and your husband should control your family’s schedule, rather than letting it control you. And just to stir things up a little more, I’ll throw in this – in order to control your family’s schedule, you may need to cut, cancel or streamline some of your children’s activities.
I know, I know – that idea goes against the grain of our culture, the constant drumbeat that we need to give our children more and more opportunities. Because of that cultural pull, the schedule of the average American family is dominated by the activities of the children – sports, scouts, music lessons, dance lessons, church activities – the list is endless. Many children have an activity every day of the week, many evenings, most Saturdays and some Sundays. Some activities require frequent weekend trips.
Believe me, I understand the desire to involve your children in all kinds of activities – I have felt it for many years. Parents today hear over and over that their children need every opportunity to learn, grow, and get ahead in life. I know there’s truth to that, and I’m not saying that children’s activities are bad. In fact, many of them are very good. All I’m suggesting is this – if you’re feeling stressed, pressed for time, or unable to do some things you’d really like to do (eat well, exercise more, enjoy your marriage , or just spend some relaxed time with your family), take a look at your family’s schedule and consider changes that would make life calmer and more relaxed.
I give my husband full credit for setting the tone on this in our family. He said from the time our sons were young that each child should do just one activity at a time. Initially, I thought he was crazy. Didn’t he want our children to have opportunities, to try new things and find their niche? Actually, he did, but he also wanted them to grow up in a family that was reasonably relaxed, with parents who were reasonably sane. In his mind, the best activities for children and parents resemble this photo – families spending time and having fun together. So, we’ve tried to maintain a balance between activities and family sanity, with both successes and failures along the way.
Again, I’m not criticizing children’s activities – I know they’re important. I just want to encourage women who feel rushed and stressed to think about their children’s activities, talk with their husbands about the family’s schedule, and consider making some adjustments. That’s all.
One more thought – maybe it’s not our children’s activities but our own activities and commitments that are causing stress and limiting our ability to relax a bit and enjoy life. It’s very easy for us as women to say “yes” to too many things – yes I will serve as homeroom mom, yes I will chair the bake sale, yes I will serve on that church committee, yes I will volunteer at the shelter –we all know how that goes! Again, none of these things are bad. I’m just suggesting that we as wives and moms, along with our husbands, should control the family’s schedule, rather than letting it control us.
Have you had success with controlling your family’s schedule, or is it controlling you? What strategies have worked for you? Where do you struggle? I would love to hear from you.
messymarriage says
Amen to this, sister! I see this in the lives of so many young couples in my church and in my circle of influence. They wonder why their marriages are falling apart, when an objective outsider like me can clearly see they are way too over-scheduled! I’m praying that the right people will hear this and learn to balance their lives, Gaye. It’s a message I’m so glad that you continually remind us of here!
GC says
Thank you, Beth. I would not be nearly as aware of the importance of this if it were not for my husband. He is all about maintaining sanity in our lives, and not over-committing and causing ourselves unnecessary stress.
Thanks for your support, my friend.
Gaye
natashlim73 says
Great post Gaye! I struggled with never saying “no” for many years… Praise God I am at that place now where there is a balance… Following from Prowess and pearls!!! Blessings, Natasha
GC says
Thanks Natasha. It is hard to learn to say “no,” but definitely worth it in terms of personal and family sanity.
Gaye
Jo @ Real Married Life says
Visiting from Messy Marriage – great article! It’s certainly not fun to say no – it can make us feel inadequate or disappointed. I’m learning to remember how I feel saying yes to everything (or just the wrong things), over-scheduled and depleted, and that makes it easier.
GC says
Hi Jo – Yes, it can be very hard to learn to say no. I think that most women are programmed to say yes to activities, requests for help, etc. But the stress involved with saying yes to everything just isn’t worth it!
Thanks for stopping by.
Gaye
BetsyPool says
Thanks for writing this!! Since being married, I have actually had better control of my schedule. My husband is good at encouraging me to say “no” and not feel guilty about it. Thanks for sharing at Romance on a dime!!
GC says
Hi Betsy – My husband is good at that too. He feels free to say “no” to things he really can’t or doesn’t want to do, and encourages me to do the same. He’s also been good about keeping us from getting overwhelmed with activities for the kids.
Gaye
Anne Kimball says
Oh, and PS: Thanks for linking this up with the TALU!
Anne Kimball says
I had started out with that same vow when the kids were little: one activity at a time. The problem was, some things are year round, so if I chose that (scouting, for instance, or music lessons) then I could’t say yes to any other activities that came along, like seasonal sports, or that after-school six week art class. So I started making exceptions, and soon fell victim to the cliched role of harried Mom. I reached a breaking point (with then four kids, it didn’t take long), and my kids and I reevaluated what was important to them, and dropped a LOT. Life is much more pleasant now, and I wouldn’t go back!
GC says
Hi Anne – Yes, I had this problem too, especially when one child was taking piano lessons. I think we have to be flexible and do what works, without getting caught up in a totally crazy schedule. I only have two kids; I can’t imagine how chaotic it is with four!
Gaye
Lori @ Encourage Your Spouse says
Good post – especially to revisit now that spring is here! Robert and I work toward being proactive, rather than reactive with our schedules. (not always successful because of our roles in life in ministry and with clients…)
queenof5dollarbling says
Have a wonderful week and you have a terrific blog I like visiting and will be back soon.
GC says
Thanks so much for visiting.
Gaye
Adrienne Bolton (@TheMommyMess) says
It’s so easy to put too much on our plates. Being able to say “no” is a beautiful thing!
GC says
Thanks Adrienne – I agree with you about saying “no!”
Gaye
Tulip says
We are such a busy family, but you are right, learning to say no and having a good schedule is key. Thanks for sharing!
GC says
Thanks so much for stopping by. It is hard to say no and keep things under control – when I write that I’m reminding myself too!
Gaye
Susan Evans says
I pray about everything in my schedule. If I don’t feel complete peace from God about it, I get rid of it. Kids need down time to be kids, and parents need down time to breathe and function.
GC says
Hi Susan – That’s a wise strategy. And I agree 100% that kids need time to be kids, rather than running from one adult-directed activity to another. And spouses/parents definitely need time to relax together and with the family.
Thanks so much for stopping by.
Gaye
Tracie says
Over scheduling is a very real problem. We don’t do a lot of set activities, but on weeks when I am busy with several nights out or appointments, I do find that a lot of that family time, and husband-wife time, gets pushed to the side.
GC says
Hi Tracie – Yes, I try to avoid having more than one night out each week. I just need a lot of time at home to get things done and decompress. And you’re right, it’s easy for family time, and especially husband and wife time, to get pushed to the side.
Thanks so much for stopping by.
Gaye
SC says
We have been working to get the right balance between kids’ activities and a balanced family life. It isn’t easy, but you’re right that the parents have to take control – otherwise, the activities will control all of your time and energy.
GC says
Thanks SC – I agree that it’s a challenge to find the right balance.
Gaye