Have you been thinking about how to reduce the amount of stress in your life and live a little bit calmer this year? If so, I’m right there with you. In fact, I’d guess that most women reading this post are hoping for a little less stress and a lot more calm this year. What we need is a plan, and some stress relief tips that actually work for busy women.
The problem, of course, is that it’s hard to make the kinds of changes that will allow us to live with less stress and more calm. Our schedules and commitments seem to be set in stone. We don’t have time to slow down and take stock of our lives. And we use up most of our energy and resources just getting through each day.
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In fact, finding the time and energy to make changes that reduce stress and increase calm is so difficult, I think there’s only one realistic way to approach it – by taking small steps, one at a time, and moving gradually away from stress and toward peace and calm. A small-steps approach, using stress relief tips that can actually work, makes things seem less overwhelming and gets you moving in the right direction. It sends a message – to yourself and others – that you’re serious about making positive changes, even if you can’t make them all at once.
If that approach appeals to you, or you just want to give it a try, here are 8 ways to get started:
• Identify the source(s) of your stress – If you aren’t sure what’s causing the most stress in your life, your best first step may be to figure it out. Some women feel generalized stress a lot of the time, and some are dealing with so many stressors they can’t pick out the major ones. If you’re in that position, consider focusing first on figuring out what’s keeping you from living calmer.
It may help to write down your thoughts or talk them over with your husband or a trusted friend or family member (but only someone with a positive outlook who has your best interest in mind). And if it seems very overwhelming or you just can’t sort it out, talking with a counselor may help you start moving in a positive direction.
• Set a goal and start working on it – Maybe you can’t live calmly because something that’s important to you isn’t getting done. It’s always with you, in the back of your mind, nagging you. It could be anything – decluttering your house, finishing a project, overhauling your family’s diet, beginning an exercise program, pursuing your education, or starting to work on something you’ve always dreamed of doing. If it’s causing you stress, it’s probably a good candidate for a step-by-step approach to reducing your stress.
So set a goal of accomplishing, or at least getting started on, this one thing. Write it down and list the first steps you’ll need to take. Then start working your way through the steps, one at a time. Here are some simple ways to start working on a goal and a more in-depth approach to developing a plan for reaching it. (And here’s a printable that will encourage you to keep moving forward.)
• Organize something – Missing paperwork, piles of toys, lost food hiding in the recesses of the freezer, a desk that looks like a tornado swept across it – these and a thousand other disorganized things add tremendous stress to our day-to-day lives. They also waste our resources – time, energy and money – as we try to work around them rather than dealing with them.
Some people are natural organizers, but for the rest of us, organizing things requires purposeful effort. If lack of organization is stressing you out, organizing something may be the best first step you can take toward a calmer life this year. Christina at Juggling Real Food and Real Life is sharing great ideas for decluttering and getting organized at her Freedom from Clutter in 40 Days Challenge.
• Control your family’s schedule – One of the biggest sources of stress for women is their family’s schedule. Children have activities almost every day of the week, some evenings and many weekends. Parents have commitments at work, school and church and in their communities. Many moms are running constantly from one activity to another, living out of their cars, picking up dinner at a drive-thru window several nights a week.
Friend, that lifestyle is very stressful! It leaves little or no time for taking a deep breath, relaxing, connecting with your husband, and just enjoying life a little bit. If this sounds like your life, taking steps to control your family’s schedule may be the best first step you can take this year.
• Take steps to reduce your physical stress – Sometimes the stress you feel is primarily in your mind, and sometimes it’s primarily in your body. (And often it’s a combination of both.) Frequently, you can reduce the stress or anxiety you feel simply by reducing your physical stress. One of the best ways to do that is to exercise regularly. Exercise helps your muscles let go of tension, promotes the release of endorphins (“feel good” chemicals in your brain), and generally promotes a positive frame of mind.
And “exercise” doesn’t have to mean “go to the gym four days a week.” Instead, it can mean figuring out ways to be physically active as part of your daily routine. Other physical stress reducers, including massage, stretching and yoga can help too. Some women find scents to be helpful in reducing stress. I like this essential oil blend and I want to give this calming blend a try.
• Learn to say “no” – Part of controlling your family’s schedule involves controlling your own schedule. Do you have too many activities on your own plate? If so, is it because you can’t say “no?” If that’s the case, your first step may be to create a plan for saying “no” to new activities, and “no more” to activities you’re ready to stop doing.
I used to feel guilty about saying no to things people wanted me to do, but then I realized that when I say “yes” to them I am saying “no” to my husband, my family and/or myself. So I’ve learned to choose more carefully the things I agree to do. If this is an area you need to address, here are some ways to learn to say “no” or “not now.”
• Help someone else – Sometimes we lose the “calm” in our lives because we focus too much on our own problems, or the things we perceive as problems. If you experience a lot of anxiety due to generalized worry, one way to change that focus is to help someone else. By volunteering, serving in a ministry, or simply making yourself available to people you know who need help, you may find that anxiety about your own stresses seems to fade.
• Pursue a passion or interest – Because women are often so busy doing the mundane tasks of daily life, they may find that they aren’t doing anything to feed their passions or interests. Although the degree to which you can pursue a passion varies from one stage of life to another (mothers of infants and toddlers are never going to have much time for outside interests!), everyone needs time on a regular basis to do something just “for her.” (Your husband also needs time to do things just “for him.”) If you’ve been away from your passions or interests for too long, your first step to living calmer may be to pursue one of them.
Are you taking steps to reduce stress or live calmer this year? If so, what’s the first “small step” you plan to take? And what are your best stress reliev tips for other busy women? Please share your thoughts in the Comments – I would love to hear from you.
Michelle says
Thank you for this reminder, especially after a chaotic feeling weekend. Finding the source of the stress is something I am going to write about in my journal.
GC says
Thank you, Michelle. Sorry that you had a chaotic weekend, and I hope that these ideas are helpful to you.
Gaye
Karen Grosz says
Gaye these are awesome tips and I will be sharing this post with my private facebook group, Savvy Circle on Thursday (our stress reduction day.) I will say that one of the things I do with my health coaching clients is have them take a sheet of paper and divide it into 2 columns: Control and Not Controllable. Then list all of their stressors under these two columns. Then to tackle the largest controllable one first. Also, saying “No” is so simple yet so difficult, but must be done or one can never get ahead of stress.
GC says
Hi Karen – I’m thrilled that you are going to share this with your Facebook group. I love your idea of actually writing down the things you can control and the things you cannot. I can see how that could be very revealing and powerful.
Gaye
Linda Ursin says
My major stress sources are: my husband, and my dog. I can teach my dog to behave…
GC says
Hi Linda – So true, we cannot change other people, only ourselves.
Thanks for stopping by.
Gaye
Summers Acres (@SummersAcres) says
Thanks for sharing with us at The HomeAcre Hop!
Please join us again Thursday at:
http://summers-acres.com
~Ann
GC says
Thanks Ann – I will!
Gaye
Barbara Hoyer says
I’m pinning this as a reminder to read it again.
My biggest stress is saying no. I decided to step down from a volunteer role, and now my fellow volunteers are in a tizzy trying to get me to change my mind.
Thank you for sharing this at Motivation Monday! I love reading your posts!
GC says
Hi Barb – Hold firm in saying no! I stepped down from something recently too, and while I won’t say that others were exactly in a tizzy about it, I knew that some people were unhappy with my decision. It’s unfortunate – I do like to make people happy. But at this point in my life I would rather make my family happy and maintain my sanity!
Gaye
Lauren says
I really like your point above about organizing. I grew up in a fairly cluttery, messy home, and I tend to have some clutter and mess myself. I realized though, that the mess in my house was influencing my stress level. I know this may sound weird! At times when I felt particularly overwhelmed by work, my house would also be on the messy side. I started organizing more and making cleaning a priority. It’s hard, with a little one and work, but I feel much calmer!
GC says
Hi Lauren – Oh, I definitely believe that clutter can influence our stress levels! I know for sure it does for me. Yes, organizing and cleaning things up can make a huge difference in how calm we feel.
Thanks for stopping by.
Gaye
Monica says
Wonderful advice! Pinned.
Monica
Thanks for stopping by Family Fun Friday!
GC says
Thanks so much, Monica.
Gaye
Tshanina @ Thrifty T's Treasures says
Learning to say no has been a big one for me. Even though it’s hard getting the words out of my mouth, I’m always happy that I did which, in turn, makes me less stressed!
Thanks for sharing these great tips!
GC says
Thanks so much, Tshanina. Saying no is hard for me to, but I have to say it gets easier as I get older!
Gaye
Sarah Mueller says
I love your tips! It’s so easy to get so busy and then wonder why we are stressed out – duh! It takes an effort to choose calm, but I never regret it when I do. Stopping by from Family Fun Friday – thank you for linking!
GC says
Thanks Sarah – I love this – “It takes an effort to choose calm.” That is so true, but it is well worth the effort!
Gaye
Jamie Clark says
So glad that Turn It Up Tuesday 18 brought me here! Thanks for the awesome tips which I shared on my facebook page and on my pinterest. Have a great week!
GC says
Thanks so much for stopping by and for sharing, Jamie.
Gaye
Natasha says
These are really some great ideas! The hardest one for me is saying no – I tend to want to make everyone around me, sometimes to my own detriment. I have to learn to start saying no loudly and more often.
Thanks so much for sharing on Turn It Up Tuesday! We love having you! 🙂
GC says
Thanks Natasha. Yes, that’s a hard one for a lot of women. But I have found that it gets easier as I get older. Maybe because I care less about what other people think!
Gaye
Angel says
Thanks for such an insightful post. Stress is one of my biggest issues and one that I have decided to gain control back in 2014 and make my life a little more relaxed.
Thanks also for sharing at Turn It Up Tuesday.
Angel
GC says
Hi Angel – So glad you are going to take control of your stress this year. That’s a terrific goal, and very do-able if you take it one step at a time.
Gaye
Stephanie Kay says
I’ve implemented several of these recently. I’m limiting our extra curricular activities. I’ve learned that we NEED downtime at home. Being out and about is fun but relaxing at home is necessary. I’m also slowly culling through each room in my house. The more stuff we own the more stuff with have to take care of, so I’m paring us down to the minimum we need and items that bring us joy. Thanks for sharing via Family Fun Friday!
GC says
Thanks so much, Stephanie. My family most definitely needs that downtime at home! I think that a lot of moms don’t realize how energizing that time can be, for themselves and their children.
Gaye
loveofromance says
Love your post! Especially the part about learning to say, “no”, that is one of the hardest things for me. But, this is a new year and change is necessary…. Thanks a bunch for these great tips!
GC says
Thanks so much. Saying “no” is hard for so many women. It’s helpful to me to remember that when I say “no” to an outside activity, I’m saying “yes” to my family and myself.
Gaye
Antionette Blake says
It’s funny because the only stresser I have these days may be my blog…interesting
GC says
LOL! That’s one of my biggest sources of stress too!
Antionette Blake says
Thank you for linking up with us @ the #WWDParty – have a wonderful weekend.
GC says
Thanks! Hope you did too.
Gaye
jugglingrealfoodandreallife says
Hi Gaye! I’m stopping in from Let’s Get Real today and as usual……you had me on the edge of my seat. I really feel the greatest gift I was able to give my family this holiday season was a calm mother and wife. That hasn’t happened in a good many years. I really would like to continue this as the year goes on. Saying “no” has always been a problem with me. I tried it, with your prodding and it was the right thing to do, but I was still uncomfortable. You put it beautifully when you described it as saying “no” to my family. They are my first priority. I worry so much about people not liking me that I always say, “yes.” I will continue to make my family a priority in 2014……..not just in my words, but in my deeds as well. Small steps, Gaye.
GC says
Hi Christina – I love that you were able to give your family the gift of a calm wife and mother at Christmas this year! I think that is what they really want – just to have a fun, relaxed time together, enjoying the holiday season.
Saying “no” is hard for me to, although as I mentioned in another comment, it’s easier as I get older. Also, my husband has no trouble saying “no” when it doesn’t make sense for him to say “yes,” and I’ve learned a lot from his example.
Yes, small steps. That’s my mantra this year!
Thank you, my friend. Gaye
LoriLori says
Wise. I think we sometimes forget this one… “Help someone else – Sometimes we lose the “calm” in our lives because we focus too much on our own problems, or the things we perceive as problems.” Thanks for the thoughts to ponder.
GC says
Thanks so much, Lori. Sometimes I just need to be reminded to get my focus off my own problems and onto helping someone else! It often helps to put my problems in perspective.
Gaye
Kim says
I like this…and with teens and a mother in a nursing home, I have a lot on my plate right now and need a plan to keep my stress in check.
GC says
Thank you, Kim. You are dealing with a lot. We just went through a lot of health, rehab, nursing home things with my mom too, so I know how stressful that can be.
Gaye