Let’s start by acknowledging that true beauty and confidence come from within. If you’re a Christian, you know you were created in the image of God and are designed to radiate the beauty of his Spirit. If you aren’t a Christian, you know that many of the most attractive and confident people are those who radiate kindness, joy, love and confidence from within.
Yet despite what we know in our minds, most of us struggle to feel attractive, confident and sexy in our bodies. Our culture bombards us with the message that only very young and very beautiful women are attractive, that sex is only for those who are young and unmarried, and that women beyond a certain (very young) age are not and cannot be sexy.
All of those things are lies. We can all feel attractive, confident and sexy within our marriages; that’s the way God designed us. Most husbands think their wives are attractive, regardless of how long they’ve been married. I know men who think their wives are HOT, even though the world would consider them to be very average on the “hotness scale.” And really, that’s all that matters, isn’t it – if we feel confident and sexy and our husbands think we’re hot?!
But still, for many reasons, it can be very difficult to feel sexually confident in our bodies. Most of us probably have some work to do in this area, whether we need just a bit more confidence or we’re basically starting from scratch. Whether you’re close to the goal of sexual confidence, or are just get started, here are a few ideas that might help:
- Make it a priority, and set aside time for it. If you decide that feeling good about your body is something you want to achieve, devote some time to it. Do you have to spend hours at a salon or spa each week? Of course not! But all worthwhile changes require some time and effort, so determine how you are going to fit working on this worthwhile change into your busy schedule.
- Read and learn about sexual confidence. Read the Song of Songs in the Bible. Whether or not you’re a religious person, the Song of Songs is a beautiful ancient story of physical love between a husband and wife. For something a little more modern, Sheila Gregoire’s The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex promotes a very positive view of women’s sexuality and sex in marriage.
- Play up your strengths. What do you LIKE about your body or your appearance? We spend so much time focusing on what we don’t like about our bodies, we forget about our strengths. Maybe you have beautiful hair, a lovely smile, pretty eyes, a trim figure. Pick one or more of your strengths, and make it the best it can be. If it’s your hair, get a good haircut. If it’s your eyes, make them up every morning so they stand out. Wear clothes that flatter your figure. Wear a touch of makeup that draws attention to your pretty skin.
- Stand up straight and walk with confidence. This may sound ridiculous, but a great deal of attractiveness is simply confidence. I am tall and learned to slump as a young teenager (because 13-year-old girls hate being taller than all the boys!). So I have to make an effort every day to stand up straight and be confident in my tall body, rather than slumping and looking like I’m ashamed of myself.
- Wear things that make you feel sexy. In the bedroom, wear lingerie that makes you feel sexy. For some women it might be silky pajamas. For others it might be a lacy gown or boy shorts or even a bra and thong. Focus on what makes you feel sexy and confident in your body, not what ads or store displays say you should wear. Outside the bedroom, sometimes wear a pretty bra and panties under your everyday clothes. Have a hot pair of shoes? Wear ’em! A skirt that hugs your curves just right? Wear it! Obviously, none of us can do this all the time, but sometimes we just need to ditch the sweats, raggedy jeans, or ho-hum work outfits for clothes that make us look and feel good.
- Exercise. I say this in just about every other post, don’t I? If you want to feel confident and strong in your body, you need to move it every day. You don’t have to go to the gym, but you need to do something. Walk, bike, take a hike with your husband, run around outside with the kids, do an exercise DVD, life some hand weights – anything that moves your body and makes it stronger.
- Consider losing some weight. Okay, I am NOT saying that women have to lose weight or be thin in order to feel sexually confident in their bodies. But I am saying this – for many women, the primary source of feeling bad about their bodies is the weight they have gained over the years. If that’s the case for you, consider losing some of that weight. Even a small weight loss can pay big dividends in increased confidence. If you weigh 25 pounds more than you should, a 10-pound weight loss is a tremendous achievement, one that can spark a new attitude about your body. It doesn’t seem like much, but it really is significant. Think about a 10-pound bag of sugar; if you drop that much weight, you will invariably feel and look better. If you need to lose 50 pounds, a 20-pound weight loss can do the same thing.
- Initiate something with your husband. When it comes to sex, most of our husbands probably initiate most of the time. Sometimes, though, we can gain confidence by initiating something with them. When you or I initiate, we can choose something that feels comfortable to us and that we know they will enjoy. So dim the lights (but don’t go completely dark!) and build confidence by having your way with him!
What are your ideas on women gaining sexual confidence in their bodies? What has worked for you? Please share your ideas in the Comments – I would love to hear from you. I also would love for you to subscribe to CalmHealthySexy by email. Enter your email address in the sidebar (under Subscribe to CalmHealthySexy). You’ll receive an email when I publish a new post, nothing else. Thanks. Gaye
(Friends, this article offers ideas and suggestions for women who have typical concerns about their bodies and sexual confidence. If you have more serious concerns, due to past abuse, marriage problems or other significant issues, please seek assistance from a counselor or other professional.)
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