• Home
  • About
  • Healthy Life
  • Happy Marriage
  • Shop

Calm.Healthy.Sexy. Healthy ideas for your life and marriage.

Create energy and passion in your life, health, and marriage.

Strategy #10 – Build Sexual Confidence – Physical Confidence – CalmHealthySexy New Year

January 21, 201329 Comments

  • Facebook
  • Twitter

Smiling female in sweater holding heart shape, isolated on white backgroundBuilding sexual confidence by increasing physical confidence sounds like a pretty tall order. What does it mean and, more importantly, how in the world are we supposed to do it?

Let’s start by acknowledging that true beauty and confidence come from within. If you’re a Christian, you know you were created in the image of God and are designed to radiate the beauty of his Spirit. If you aren’t a Christian, you know that many of the most attractive and confident people are those who radiate kindness, joy, love and confidence from within.

Yet despite what we know in our minds, most of us struggle to feel attractive, confident and sexy in our bodies. Our culture bombards us with the message that only very young and very beautiful women are attractive,  that sex is only for those who are young and unmarried, and that women beyond a certain (very young) age are not and cannot be sexy.

All of those things are lies. We can all feel attractive, confident and sexy within our marriages; that’s the way God designed us. Most husbands think their wives are attractive, regardless of how long they’ve been married. I know men who think their wives are HOT, even though the world would consider them to be very average on the “hotness scale.” And really, that’s all that matters, isn’t it – if we feel confident and sexy and our husbands think we’re hot?!

But still, for many reasons, it can be very difficult to feel sexually confident in our bodies. Most of us probably have some work to do in this area, whether we need just a bit more confidence or we’re basically starting from scratch. Whether you’re close to the goal of sexual confidence, or are just get started, here are a few ideas that might help:

  • Make it a priority, and set aside time for it. If you decide that feeling good about your body is something you want to achieve, devote some time to it. Do you have to spend hours at a salon or spa each week? Of course not! But all worthwhile changes require some time and effort, so determine how you are going to fit working on this worthwhile change into your busy schedule.
  • Read and learn about sexual confidence. Read the Song of Songs in the Bible. Whether or not you’re a religious person, the Song of Songs is a beautiful ancient story of physical love between a husband and wife. For something a little more modern, Sheila Gregoire’s The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex promotes a very positive view of women’s sexuality and sex in marriage.
  • Play up your strengths.  What do you LIKE about your body or your appearance? We spend so much time focusing on what we don’t like about our bodies, we forget about our strengths. Maybe you have beautiful hair, a lovely smile, pretty eyes, a trim figure. Pick one or more of your strengths, and make it the best it can be. If it’s your hair, get a good haircut. If it’s your eyes, make them up every morning so they stand out. Wear clothes that flatter your figure. Wear a touch of makeup that draws attention to your pretty skin.
  • Stand up straight and walk with confidence.  This may sound ridiculous, but a great deal of attractiveness is simply confidence. I am tall and learned to slump as a young teenager (because 13-year-old girls hate being taller than all the boys!). So I have to make an effort every day to stand up straight and be confident in my tall body, rather than slumping and looking like I’m ashamed of myself.
  • Wear things that make you feel sexy.  In the bedroom, wear lingerie that makes you feel sexy. For some women it might be silky pajamas. For others it might be a lacy gown or boy shorts or even a bra and thong. Focus on what makes you feel sexy and confident in your body, not what ads or store displays say you should wear. Outside the bedroom, sometimes wear a pretty bra and panties under your everyday clothes. Have a hot pair of shoes? Wear ’em! A skirt that hugs your curves just right? Wear it! Obviously, none of us can do this all the time, but sometimes we just need to ditch the sweats, raggedy jeans, or ho-hum work outfits for clothes that make us look and feel good.
  • Exercise.   I say this in just about every other post, don’t I? If you want to feel confident and strong in your body, you need to move it every day. You don’t have to go to the gym, but you need to do something. Walk, bike, take a hike with your husband, run around outside with the kids, do an exercise DVD, life some hand weights – anything that moves your body and makes it stronger.
  • Consider losing some weight.  Okay, I am NOT saying that women have to lose weight or be thin in order to feel sexually confident in their bodies. But I am saying this – for many women, the primary source of feeling bad about their bodies is the weight they have gained over the years. If that’s the case for you, consider losing some of that weight. Even a small weight loss can pay big dividends in increased confidence. If you weigh 25 pounds more than you should, a 10-pound weight loss is a tremendous achievement, one that can spark a new attitude about your body. It doesn’t seem like much, but it really is significant. Think about a 10-pound bag of sugar; if you drop that much weight, you will invariably feel and look better. If you need to lose 50 pounds, a 20-pound weight loss can do the same thing.
  • Initiate something with your husband.  When it comes to sex, most of our husbands probably initiate most of the time. Sometimes, though, we can gain confidence by initiating something with them. When you or I initiate, we can choose something that feels comfortable to us and that we know they will enjoy. So dim the lights (but don’t go completely dark!) and build confidence by having your way with him!

(Check out the other posts in this series – Building Sexual Confidence through Knowledge and Building Sexual Confidence Through Action.)

What are your ideas on women gaining sexual confidence in their bodies? What has worked for you? Please share your ideas in the Comments – I would love to hear from you. I also would love for you to  subscribe to CalmHealthySexy by email. Enter your email address in the sidebar (under Subscribe to CalmHealthySexy). You’ll receive an email when I publish a new post, nothing else. Thanks. Gaye

(Friends, this article offers ideas and suggestions for women who have typical concerns about their bodies and sexual confidence. If you have more serious concerns, due to past abuse, marriage problems or other significant issues, please seek assistance from a counselor or other professional.)

Sharing with To Love, Honor and Vacuum.

  • Facebook
  • Twitter

Filed Under: Happy Marriage, Sex and Intimacy Tagged: confident, intimacy, lessons from marriage, sex and intimacy, sexual confidence

Comments

  1. SheilaGregoire (@sheilagregoire) says

    January 22, 2014 at 8:17 pm

    Thanks for linking up to Wifey Wednesday! I so relate about standing up straight and tall. I have a habit of slouching, but when I make an effort to put my shoulders back–I feel amazing!

    I tweeted this post, too! Thank you.

    Reply
    • GC says

      January 23, 2014 at 1:27 pm

      Hi Sheila – Yes, standing up straight really helps me too. Thanks so much for stopping by and tweeting.

      Gaye

      Reply
  2. Betsy @ Romance on a Dime says

    January 29, 2013 at 12:11 am

    This is a great article. I liked all your points. For right now, it seems like I’ve had an easier time feeling sexy since I’ve been pregnant. Weird, right? I’m wearing clothes that show my shape. Thanks for linking up at Romance on a dime. Hope to see you tomorrow!

    Reply
    • GC says

      January 29, 2013 at 1:28 pm

      Hi Betsy – I think it is great that you’re feeling sexier while you’re pregnant!

      Gaye

      Reply
  3. Fawn Weaver says

    January 23, 2013 at 3:21 pm

    You know what I absolutely love about this post? Sometimes as Christians, we are so spiritually minded we forget about the basic common sense things like if you want to feel good about your body, create the body you most desire. Good results don’t simply come by osmosis. If you want a leaner body, proper diet and exercise is likely going to be required. Thanks, Gaye.

    Reply
    • GC says

      January 23, 2013 at 10:30 pm

      Hi Fawn – “Good things don’t come by osmosis” – so true! Thanks for your kind words. I am trying to be very practical and offer common sense ideas, things that women can actually do.

      Thanks so much for stopping by.
      Gaye

      Reply
  4. Beth says

    January 23, 2013 at 1:26 pm

    Thanks for reminding us of some great ideas, Gaye. I could use the nudge to spice things up and be more intentional. Thanks for your vulnerability and willingness to address this very important marriage need!

    Reply
    • GC says

      January 23, 2013 at 10:34 pm

      Thanks Beth. I am reminding myself too. Sometimes I write something and then think, “Wait, am I doing this?”

      Gaye

      Reply
  5. kentuckygal50 says

    January 23, 2013 at 5:46 am

    Following from Matrimonial Monday.

    I’m such a sweats and tee shirts wife and mother-not necessarily from a lack of confidence but from a lack of energy. Looks like I’ll be working on my “wardrobe” first…which can be very fun. :O)

    Reply
    • GC says

      January 23, 2013 at 10:35 pm

      Thanks so much for stopping by, Luann. Lack of energy can definitely be an issue, especially if you have little kids. I say pick one or two things that will work for you and go for them!

      Gaye

      Reply
    • 'Becca says

      January 28, 2013 at 11:57 am

      I feel that cotton leggings can be as comfortable as sweats while making legs look shapely instead of frumpy! American Apparel makes REALLY nice ones that are pretty durable and not too expensive although they are made in USA, and for some reason they are better at shedding sweaty odors than most clothes. I have to warn you, though, that they run small (I wear size M in most clothes from Target, etc., but L in American Apparel) and that their Website often shows underwear models posing kind of lewdly–if they have a store near you, shop in person instead of online!

      Reply
      • GC says

        January 28, 2013 at 5:56 pm

        Hi Becca – Great tip about trying leggings rather than sweats.

        Thanks.
        Gaye

        Reply
  6. Raquel@2dayswoman says

    January 23, 2013 at 3:55 am

    Yes, yes and yes – love all of your ideas! Exercise is a big one for me too, just going for a brisk walk makes a big difference. And having a bit of a ‘pamper’ day once in a while (having a long bath and doing my nails) helps a lot. It just gives a bit of a boost when feeling a bit ‘blah’.
    Thanks for your wonderful posts, love every single one of them 🙂

    Reply
    • GC says

      January 23, 2013 at 10:37 pm

      Thanks so much, Raquel. Yes, I would be in bad shape without exercise – physically and emotionally. It makes a huge difference for me.

      Gaye

      Reply
  7. DMcCormick says

    January 23, 2013 at 1:31 am

    love the tips – and thanks so much for sharing this post on TALU this week. 🙂

    Reply
    • GC says

      January 23, 2013 at 10:37 pm

      Thank you! I was happy to link up with you.

      Gaye

      Reply
  8. Adrienne Bolton (@TheMommyMess) says

    January 22, 2013 at 8:10 pm

    I really find that exercise helps my sex drive a ton! I’m being reminded more and more that being comes from within. There’s a verse in Luke (I can’t remember where) but it tells us that when we have the light within, our face will be radiant. I love that! It’s not about the worldly beauty we know so well, but inner beauty.

    Reply
    • GC says

      January 22, 2013 at 10:16 pm

      Oh, I agree 100% about exercise. It gives me more energy, keeps my weight under control, and just makes me feel more sexy.

      I agree that inner beauty is key, but it doesn’t hurt to enhance the outer beauty just a bit!

      Thanks for stopping by, Adrienne.
      Gaye

      Reply
  9. Jenn says

    January 22, 2013 at 5:19 pm

    I enjoyed reading your post. You have an upbeat way of approaching a topic that many woman worry about.

    Reply
    • GC says

      January 22, 2013 at 6:17 pm

      Thanks so much, Jenn. I’m glad you stopped by.

      Gaye

      Reply
  10. Lori @ Encourage Your Spouse says

    January 22, 2013 at 4:07 pm

    You’ve listed solid points and I appreciate how you’ve provided areas that can be addressed immediately like make up and standing up straight, and those that can be scheduled like investing in lingerie or a hair cut, and those that’ll be a long-term project… like weight. (sigh) It’s empowering to realize we can do something immediately to feel confident. Thank you.

    Reply
    • GC says

      January 22, 2013 at 6:19 pm

      Thanks, Lori. I appreciate your kind words and support. I do like to focus on things that are practical and that woman really can accomplish, either right now or down the road a bit.

      Gaye

      Reply
  11. dedivahdeals says

    January 22, 2013 at 4:01 pm

    Good post.

    Reply
    • GC says

      January 22, 2013 at 6:20 pm

      Thanks Antionette.

      Gaye

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Strategy #11 – Build Sexual Confidence – Knowledge – CalmHealthySexy New Year | Calm.Healthy.Sexy. says:
    January 22, 2014 at 2:35 pm

    […] out the other posts in this series – Building Sexual Confidence through Physical Confidence and Building Sexual Confidence Through Action.)What do you think?  Can increasing your knowledge […]

    Reply
  2. 12 Strategies for a CalmHealthySexy New Year | Calm.Healthy.Sexy. says:
    January 14, 2014 at 9:14 pm

    […] Build sexual confidence – physical confidence. […]

    Reply
  3. Do You Have a Plan? CalmHealthySexy 2013 Wrap-up | Calm.Healthy.Sexy. says:
    February 2, 2013 at 7:58 pm

    […] Build sexual confidence – physical confidence. […]

    Reply
  4. Strategy #12 – Build Sexual Confidence – Action – CalmHealthySexy 2013 | Calm.Healthy.Sexy. says:
    January 27, 2013 at 9:37 pm

    […] this year by taking action.  The two previous strategies encouraged building sexual confidence by becoming more confident in our bodies and increasing knowledge about sexuality and intimacy.  So now, let’s talk about action […]

    Reply
  5. 12 Strategies for a CalmHealthySexy 2013 | Calm.Healthy.Sexy. says:
    January 24, 2013 at 8:57 pm

    […] Build sexual confidence – physical confidence. […]

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Follow CalmHealthySexy

pinterest  twitter  facebook  Instagram

The Busy Mom’s Guide to Exercise, Fitness, and Health

Today's Most Popular Posts

  • About
  • Happy Marriage – Tips and Resources for a Fun, Healthy and Passionate Marriage
  • Essential Oils for Sex and Intimacy
  • How to Lose 15 Pounds (or 10 or 20)
  • Once in a While, Your Husband Needs a Girlfriend

Search

© Copywrite 2018 · All Rights Reserved · Terms & Conditions · Privacy Agreement

Photography by Corey Potter Photography

 

Loading Comments...