Well, the Christmas season isn’t following the plan I laid out so neatly and carefully. My mother’s death, a year ago this week, is weighing heavily on me. The adopt-a-family project I’m coordinating at work has run into some roadblocks. The cabinet my husband is assembling is spread across the living room, waiting for a replacement part to arrive.
Our Christmas tree is sitting in a bucket in the back yard. I haven’t purchased or made any gifts. And I ate crackers and Coke Zero from a vending machine for lunch today. Finding joy? Not so much.
For the past few weeks, I’ve been writing about creating a fun, calm and healthy Christmas and finding joy in the chaos of the season. I mean, that sounds good, right? Let’s enjoy the season, I said. Let’s bring joy to our marriages and families, prepare delicious (and healthy!) food, and enjoy regular exercise in the fresh winter air – all while staying calm, cool and collected.
That’s what a “successful Christmas” looks like, doesn’t it? Doesn’t it? Well, if it does, then my Christmas season is anything but successful. In fact, at the moment, it’s a complete failure. Because those things just aren’t happening in my life right now.
But what if I’m focusing on the wrong things? And what if you are too? I don’t mean that the things we want – peace in our families, beauty in our homes, good health, lovely gifts – are wrong. I’m just beginning to wonder if we should focus our energy on acquiring them. Because when we do, frustration tends to show up and stick around until Christmas is over.
And by then we’ve developed a vague sense of failure, of having “done Christmas wrong.”
Maybe the true joy of Christmas is found in the chaos, in turning things around by bringing love and joy into the hard parts of the season. Maybe it’s found in responding to the post office clerk with patience and grace, even though he hasn’t been able to find your package for two days. Maybe it’s found in smiling and saying hello to people, even though they’re staring daggers at you.
Maybe it’s found in letting someone into the line of traffic, even though you’ve been trying to escape the parking lot for 10 minutes. Maybe it’s found in making hot chocolate with your kids, even though the house needs to be cleaned. Maybe it’s found in purchasing a gift for someone who needs one, even though your own resources are stretched pretty thin.
Maybe it’s found in recognizing that Christmas is hard for many people, and giving them space to grieve or laugh or survive the season in their own way. Or maybe it’s found in recognizing that Christmas is hard for you too, and giving yourself the same kind of grace.
Perhaps the key to finding joy in the chaos of Christmas is to focus on the process of celebrating the season, rather than the product. To emphasize love and joy, rather than things and results.
And to celebrate Christ’s birth, not by placing heavy burdens on ourselves or others, but by loving people and treating them with patience, grace and respect. The way He did.
Perhaps we can create a “successful Christmas” after all. But it may require us to face the chaos of the season head on, bringing love and joy right into the heart of it.
(Originally published in December 2014.)
Jenny Jones says
A great reminder this time of year. My family loves the song “Blessings” by Laura Story. Everything is a blessing, even the chaos! Thank you for this reminder
jugglingrealfoodandreallife says
Such a beautiful article Gaye. I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately and wondering how you are doing. I have a good memory. My sister lost her husband this year and my grandmother is now in a nursing home. My kids are growing too fast and my oldest will likely be out on his own next year. Everything is changing. There is nothing I can do to change that. So…….I shopped with my husband and held his hand as we walked through the stores. We smiled at everyone we came across. We tipped the waitress well when we ate our rather unhealthy meal at almost 11:00 at night. I read and snuggle with the kids each night. I spent the day with my sister and listened as she spoke of her husband and laughed with her as we planned things for her future. My daughter has been Christmas caroling like crazy. She caroled for donations of food for the food pantry and she caroled at the local nursing home. Life is so complex. There is always someone who has things worse off than we do. I try to focus on the positive and enjoy every moment I can when in the back of my head all I can think of is all of the things that I have to do and all of the people I miss this year. It’s not easy, but this wonderful blogger I know has taught me much of this. She is a wonderful friend and I appreciate her every day. She blogs over at Calm.Healthy.Sexy. Merry Christmas my friend! This year’s disasters are next year’s memories to be laughed at.
GC says
Thanks so much, Christina. You know this means so much to me, as does your friendship.
Gaye
A. Blake says
This is always a depressing time of the year for me as well, always wishing it away, but this too shall pass. Have a wonderful week my dear.
Mary Dolan Flaherty says
Hi Gaye, I’m visiting from Messy Marriage. I loved your post, because I can SOOOO relate. I still have cornstalks tied to my porch posts, along with pretty autumn ribbons, while my wreath and small tree light up automatically every night right alongside them. My post today was about why I stopped listening to Christmas music. This year, for me, it’s about sort of forgetting about Christmas as a holiday and just finding people who need a listening ear, a smile, a few moments. Opening up my heart to the lonely, the sad, the ones who don’t really have a reason to be happy. It’s so not about the gifts this year. That’s a first for me. I’ve always been all about the gifts…not selfishly (I don’t think)…I just have always loved gifts…both receiving and giving. So, I really related to your post, new friend! Blessings
GC says
Thanks so much, Mary. I love the idea of making Christmas mostly about people who need some love and kindness. That’s really what it should be about.
Gaye
Agatha says
I so agree with you about Christmas. We’ve decided not to give presents to each other but to just be with each other and there for each other. We’ll be cooking a meal together too,
GC says
Hi Agatha – I love the idea of just being there for each other, and focusing on doing something together.
Thanks so much for stopping by.
Gaye
Nicky says
Losing a loved ones during the holidays is always hard because the holiday serves as a reminder. One of my grandfathers based away in December, many years ago. I think of him whenever the date comes around.
I agree that may times we get wrapped up in the “product” of Christmas. We need to step back and look at what’s really important. Like with everything if we look at the event or journey as a process and enjoy the journey, the final destination is just icing on the cake.
GC says
Thanks Nicky. I really am trying to focus on the process, even though my inclination is to focus on the “product!”
Gaye
recyclerob says
Wonderful article – taking each day one step at a time and re-focus as needed
GC says
Thanks Rob. I’m finding that I need to keep bringing my focus back to what’s really important.
Gaye
monthlychanges says
I just had a bit of a weep this morning because my daughter-in-law always wants to spend every holiday with her parents. We never gt them here. Well, I had my son for Thanksgiving, but not her. I feel rather slighted. But after sitting with God reading the Bible (It never matters much where in the Bible I read.), and dozing a bit, I’m feeling much better. I am ready to grant her grace as she deals with whatever is going on in her mind. (That sounded worse than I meant it. I don’t know how else to say it.)
GC says
Oh, that must be a hard situation. Our boys aren’t married yet, but I can see how that could happen easily – the wife wants to be with her family, and he goes along with it to make her happy. I read on your blog about the uncertainty that’s going on this Christmas season. I hope everything will work out in a way that allows you to celebrate and enjoy time with family.
Gaye
ladyofthemanse says
I lost my Mom two years ago, the morning of New Year’s Eve. It does put a strange feeling into the season doesn’t it? We don’t do gifts at Christmas, so that kind of stress doesn’t affect me, but I find my mood a bit more subdued this time of year–maybe more introspective. I miss Mom, but I know she is healed and with her Lord. I do find myself wanting to spend time with my family more. Time is so fleeting.
GC says
So sorry that you have lost your mom too. It is hard. You’re right, it definitely gives a strange feeling to the season. I’ve just been feeling oddly out of sorts, ever since Thanksgiving.
Thanks so much for stopping by.
Gaye