Speak Your Husband’s Love Language – A Simple Way to Strengthen Your Marriage

Love language couple with textLearning to speak your husband’s “love language” is a simple, although not necessarily easy, way to increase love, joy and communication in your marriage.  The 5 Love Languagesby Dr. Gary Chapman, teaches simple,  powerful information that can bring joy to a typical marriage, or change the course of a struggling marriage.  The book explains that every person experiences love through one (or sometimes a combination) of five “languages” – Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, or Physical Touch.

If you haven’t learned which “language” allows your husband to feel and experience love, you will struggle to make him feel loved.  Sometimes, a wife tries to love her husband using her own love language.  But if her husband “speaks” a different language, her efforts will fall short, frustrating both of them.

If you don’t know your husband’s love language, take some time this week to identify it.  Get a copy of The 5 Love Languages – it’s well worth the modest investment, but a friend or your local library may have a copy you can borrow.  If you can’t get your hands on one right away, do some research on the five languages so you begin to understand them, and try to identify your husband’s primary language.  Here are a couple of resources to help you get started:

Here’s what Dr. Chapman says about the importance of loving your husband in a way that “speaks” to him – “Your emotional love language and the language of your spouse may be as different as Chinese from English.  No matter how hard you try to express love in English, if your spouse only understands Chinese, you will never understand how to show love to each other.  Being sincere is not enough.  We must be willing to learn our spouse’s primary love language if we are to be effective communicators of love.”

Once you’ve identified your husband’s primary love language(s), begin learning to “speak” it.  This week, I encourage you to do at least two things for him that show love to him in the language he understands.  This can be difficult if his language is very different from yours, but it’s well worth the effort.  Here are just a few ideas for each of the primary love languages:

  • Words of affirmation – compliment him, thank him for something he does for you or your family, encourage him in his work or hobby, speak kindly and set a tone of kind language in your home, ask for his advice or help.
  • Quality time – give him your undivided attention, spend time together doing something fun, participate with him in an activity he enjoys, eat meals together, ask him about something of interest to him and really listen to his answer, turn off technology and focus on him, go to bed at the same time.
  • Receiving gifts – stock up on snacks and treats he likes, give him a card that expresses your love, buy him something he needs, buy him something he wants, give him tickets to an event he will enjoy.
  • Acts of service – think of things he has asked you to do in the past and do one of them, do something that will make his week a little easier, do one of his chores for him, cook his favorite meal, run an errand for him, help him with a project or task.
  • Physical touch – hold hands when you’re walking together, hug and kiss him when he comes in the door, sit close to him when you’re watching TV together, pat his butt when you walk by him, rub his back or neck.

But what about your love language?  Shouldn’t your husband “speak” in the “language” that best communicates love to you?  Of course!  But sometimes, one person has to start the ball rolling.  You can certainly share with your husband what you’ve learned, and you can demonstrate the power of love languages by “speaking” to him in the “language” that allows him to receive your love.

Have you tried speaking your husband’s love language?  How has that worked for you?  What are some things you’ve done that have really spoken love to him?  Please share your experiences in the Comments – I would love to hear from you.



  1. Cat says

    We have had 2 councilors try to get us to the love language stuff. Our discussion now start off with my spouse getting after me for not speaking his love language(which I admit I am really bad at) but when I try and talk about mine, I get told that it’s too hard or boring. I just want someone to converse with. I want to be heard

    • GC says

      Hi Cat – I’m so sorry. That is a very difficult situation. Have you read the love languages book? It’s been a while since I read it, but it seems like it speaks to the problem of trying to get your spouse to speak your love language. I pray that you are able to work this out with your husband. I know how important it is to talk and feel like you are being heard.


    • GC says

      Hi Danielle – It is really a great book, isn’t it? It’s kind of a simple concept, but so powerful.

      Thanks so much for stopping by.

  2. Mommy Crusader says

    The love language books are fabulous for marriage support and for child rearing. The biggest help to me was focusing on the other person enough to learn their love language. After that, my relationship improved because I understood them better. Thanks for the post

    • GC says

      Hi MC – I agree. Understanding the concept of love languages really helps you to focus on the other person in a relationship (spouse or child), which is always good for the relationship.


  3. says

    Couldn’t help but take the quiz also. Interesting. I think I would’ve wanted a couple of more choices. Just because, that’s the type of person I am. I like many choices…

  4. says

    I love this book and try to go back and read it regularly. It is easy to forget sometimes that my husband and I don’t speak the same language. A good reminder to get out the book and read through it again. As usual, your posts go straight to my heart.

    • GC says

      Thanks so much, Shari. I need a regular reminder of the love languages too. It’s easy to fall back on what is natural for me.


  5. says

    When I first read the book, there was no doubt about it- My husband SPOKE in the language of giving gifts, but my love language is actually Acts of Service. Doing the dishes means so much more to me than flowers. (but I’ll take both) :) He is definitely words of affirmation with a side of physical touch. :)

    • GC says

      Hi Nicole – It really helps to understand this, both about our husbands and about ourselves. That way we don’t have to think “I should be happier with these flowers. What is wrong with me?” lol


  6. says

    Oh how I learned this lesson the hard way while we were dating. I’m the worst at giving quality time and that is exactly what my man needs. Thankfully we’ve started to figure each other out in marriage.

  7. jugglingrealfoodandreallife says

    I hopped over to the 5 Love Languages site and took their quiz. I’m kind of surprised by the results, but in thinking of it………..I think it’s right on. I sent it on to my husband to have him take the quiz. I’m curious to know how his comes back. I’m pretty sure I know his #1, but I’ll be interested to know what comes next.

  8. Gab says

    My husband and I are very deferent love languages he is acts of service with a second in gifts mine is words and time so it has been very hard. It does help to know because for years we were miscommunicating and know I understand when he does something for me or even goes to work it is how he shows me love. It is still very hard when I don’t receive love in the way I crave. I am continuing to pray God works on my husband and pray he continues to change me as I learn and grow. Thanks for the post so true :)

    • GC says

      Hi Gab – It is very hard when our spouse doesn’t speak in the love language we crave, although it helps somewhat to know he is speaking in a language that means love to him. Have you and your husband read the book together? Praying that both of you are able to show love in a way the other understands.



  1. […] Sexy:   OK this is a subject that I don’t really discuss, but I will say that my marriage is important to me.  Gaye is a Christian woman and discusses in a “not embarrassing at all” manner wonderful relationship advice.  I often start date night discussions with “Gaye wrote about this today………What do you think about that?”  Her writing is a great way to open up the lines of communication that so often get closed with the demands of work and kids.  This article really got us talking.  Speak Your Husband’s Love Language – Simple Way to Strengthen Your Marriage. […]

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