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3 Reasons to Create Marriage and Family Rituals

32 Comments

Marriage and family rituals 1aYou probably know that rituals can help you, your husband, and your children connect and make memories together. But did you know that marriage and family rituals can help you focus on living the kind of calm, sane and purposeful life you really want? That they can help you slow down, clear out the “clutter,” and live a calmer, healthier, and sexier life?

Rituals are activities or behaviors that develop over time and occur regularly. We see them as positive events and look forward to participating in them. They can include everything from small daily activities, such as sharing a cup of coffee in the morning or eating dinner together as a family, to major annual events, such as celebrating Christmas with extended family or taking a yearly trip to a mountain cabin. Rituals create a pleasant kind of structure in our lives and add predictability, meaning and joy. They also build intimacy in a marriage and among family members, help us define our values as a couple or family, and provide a source of strength in tough times.

Here are 3 ways that rituals can help you create the kind of life you really want:

Living Calmer

Rituals can add a distinct layer of calm to our lives. They build the kind of structure we yearn for, especially when we’re under stress. We look forward to them, anticipate them, and revel in them. Both small and large rituals can play this calming role. For example, my husband (a morning person) brings me (not a morning person!) a cup of coffee every morning. We sit in bed together and drink our coffee and talk for about 20 minutes. This small act creates a positive starting point for our days, no matter what those days may bring. Large rituals can play a similar role. For example, developing family birthday traditions and creating a celebration for each family member on his or her special day gives everyone something to look forward to and builds a sense of family unity. The net effect of the small and large rituals in our lives is a stronger, calmer base of support from which we can take on the stresses of everyday life.

Living Healthier

In addition to promoting calm and enhancing mental health, rituals can strengthen our physical health. Walking every morning or every evening after dinner, cooking healthy foods at home, teaching children to cook, enjoying family meals together, riding bikes with the children on Saturdays, developing an active family hobby, and going to bed with your spouse at a reasonable hour are all activities that strengthen both our relationships and our bodies. And making time for those rituals helps us keep in perspective the things that are most important to us and to identify the things we may need to let go.

Living Sexier

Last, but definitely not least, we can create rituals that increase intimacy and promote great sex in our marriages. These rituals consist of practices that allow us to slow down, to communicate well, and to insert some space between the busyness of the day and times of intimacy. Relaxing together with a glass of wine at the end of the day, giving each other a back rub or massage once a week, enjoying regular Saturday morning sex, maintaining a regular date night, and planning celebrations for special occasions all build intimacy and create an atmosphere in which sex and intimacy can flourish.

If the pressures of a busy, hectic life are wearing you down, consider establishing some rituals that create fun, joy and intimacy in your life. They don’t have to take a lot of time, but they can make a big difference in your health and happiness.

Have you established rituals in your marriage or family that allow you to live a calmer, healthier or sexier life? Please share them in the Comments – I would love to hear from you.

Comments

  1. Rosemary says

    We found that getting up and walking two miles before breakfast every morning really energized our relationship. The exercise is good for us, and gives us a great opportunity to talk to each other while we walk. It also means that we have a healthful breakfast together at home instead of grabbing some fast food on the way. We sleep better at night and generally feel healthier and sexier.

    Reply

  2. Lindy says

    HI Gaye,
    I had no idea that rituals help with decreasing stress. That’s interesting. My aunt and uncle have a great ritual of having tea in bed in the mornings, reading the bible and praying. They have been married for 45yrs!

    Reply

  4. Andrea says

    Aside from celebrating our anniversary out of town every year we don’t have any rituals. We have family rituals, but no marriage rituals. I had not thought about it before. Good idea. Something for the hubs and I to discuss. Happy SITS day again! Following you on Twitter…now.

    Reply

  6. BetsyPool says

    My husband and I really need to create rituals. I think we’ve tried many different rituals and they just haven’t stuck. It’ hard to incorporate a ritual when two people are so very different in personalities and temperaments. Opposites do attract, don’t they? I love your example of your husband bringing you coffee in the morning. I need to think of something like that which works for us. Thanks for sharing this at Romance on a dime!!

    Reply

    • GC says

      Thanks Betsy. I think it sometimes takes a while to establish your rituals. My husband and I have been married for 27 years, so we’ve had a lot of time to figure things out!

      Gaye

      Reply

  8. kelsey says

    I think rituals and traditions are the best! My family didnt have very many growing up so my husband and I are making sure to create a ton for our own family!

    Reply

  9. Fawn Weaver says

    I have the opposite challenge with rituals. I LOVE them! My mother is a person who loves rituals and traditions and when my husband and I were first married, everything we did together that I loved, I wanted to make a daily, weekly, monthly or annual tradition. Poor guy! The good news for him is I’m over it now and the only rituals we really have now are breakfast and coffee together every morning while chatting for about an hour and Friday night dates to unwind from our week. Love those rituals.

    Reply

    • GC says

      That’s too cute, Fawn. Glad you were able to balance out your love of traditions with your husband’s tolerance for them!

      Gaye

      Reply

  11. messymarriage says

    I love how you’ve “fleshed out” (pardon the pun!) these very important points on becoming more calm, healthy and sexy, Gaye. I think every one of them is crucial. Of course, I’m a ritual loving girl–not being bound by them, but relying on them to bring joy, enrichment and yes, calmness to my life every day. 🙂

    Reply

  13. noel says

    I totally agree with having a routine of sorts. somedays it’s impossible to predict or plan ahead, but my one year old is on a strict schedule when it comes to naps and bedtime and I’m a much happier mama because of it! Stopping by from the Monday Mingle, hope to see you swing by high heeled mama sometime soon!

    Reply

    • GC says

      Hi Noel – I agree! When my children were younger, consistent naptimes and bedtimes were key to my sanity.

      Thanks so much for stopping by. I will definitely visit your blog too.
      Gaye

      Reply

  16. LuAnn Braley says

    I’m still working on the whole ritual thing. Might start with a cup of coffee or hot chocolate out on the porch with my husband in the evening where we can talk about the day and plan the next.

    Reply

  17. Andrea @Mostly Happenstance says

    My parents were great at having rituals and their marriage is still great to this day! I remember on the weekends we would play a board game on Friday night, go the Church on Saturday, and would ride bikes every Sunday (at least 2 miles). It made me excited for the weekends.
    In my marriage we don’t really have many rituals right now because we have opposite schedules. Every other weekend we eat dinner with our parents. It’s sad but we both know that it won’t last forever. I am excited to share this post with him.
    P.S. Pretty Living PDX sent me (I know I mentioned this before, but it’s for a giveaway entry so I need to say it each time in order to get the entry 🙂 ) However, I’m glad she did because I love your blog!

    Reply

    • GC says

      Hi Andrea – I love that about your parents! Those kinds of rituals build great memories for kids, in addition to being great for the parents. Sorry that you and your hubby have opposite schedules now, but hopefully that will change in the near future. Maybe you can come up with a couple of small rituals that will help carry you through this busy time.

      Thanks again for stopping by. I appreciate Myranda at Pretty Living sending you over to visit. Hope you’ll come back again.

      Gaye

      Reply

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