Here’s a small confession – I am not a crafty mom or a decorating mom. If you spend any time reading blogs or checking out Pinterest, you know that many, many women are crafty moms. Others have created beautiful homes that look like they belong in magazines. I am in awe of women who know how to do those things, but I will never be one of them.
And it’s not just that I’m not a crafty mom or a decorating mom. I also am not a super-blogging mom. I’m not a homeschooling mom. I’m not the mom who can do 14 different things at once with perfect ease. I can’t sew. I don’t scrapbook. I’m not an extrovert. I’m not beautiful. I’m reasonably thin, but it doesn’t seem thin enough. I’m not a wonderful hostess. And the list goes on and on.
Do you ever feel this way? Do you ever focus so much on your weaknesses that you forget about your strengths? In other words, are you frequently beating yourself up? Why do you do that? Why do I? Women tend to be extremely hard on themselves, particularly women who really care about doing a good job in their marriages, with their children, in their homes, and at work. They strive for impossible standards that no one actually expects them to meet. They tend not to recognize the things they do well, but can hone in like a laser on the things they do poorly.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. I think that you and I can stop focusing on the things we can’t or don’t do, and start focusing on the things we do well by taking a few simple steps:
- First, recognize that you are a unique person, created in the image of God. My devotional reading for today reminded me to see myself through Christ’s eyes, “as one who is deeply, eternally loved.” It’s foolish for me to focus on my weaknesses and the things I can’t do, when God has created me in His image and given me gifts and talents to fulfill His purposes.
- Second, identify your strengths and the things you do well. Say them to yourself, or write them down. Give yourself credit for those things and allow yourself to enjoy them.
- Third, train yourself not to focus on areas that aren’t your strong suit. This is hard, because our minds tend to drift toward the negative. Make a conscious effort to stop negative thoughts about the things you can’t/don’t do.
- And finally, focus your time and energy on your strengths and the most important things in your life.
Many women spread themselves too thin, often doing things simply because they think they should be doing them. You know, the “I should paint my living room/volunteer for the PTO/homeschool my children/sew all my own clothes/entertain every weekend because that’s what good women do/that’s what everyone is doing/that’s what the good moms do” line of thinking. Really, it’s kind of crazy, but most of us fall into it, at least some of the time. So practice not doing that, but instead focusing on the things you and your husband have decided are important for you and your family. (And if you haven’t worked together to decide those things, consider doing that right away.)
So, when I find myself focusing on the things I will never be or the things I can’t do (which happens quite often!), I’m going to thank God for creating me with unique skills and gifts, focus on the things I am and the things I can do, and spend my time and energy on the things that are important to me and my family. I’m striving to live a calm, healthy, sexy life (and I hope you are too), and beating myself up about the things I can’t do really tends to get in the way!
What about you? Do you tend to focus on the “woman you aren’t” instead of the “woman you are?” Or have you figured out a way to avoid that trap? What are your strengths? Since I mentioned so many things I can’t do, I’ll focus on the positive and say that I am a good cook, a good listener, and a hard worker. How about you? I would love to hear from you.
katbiggie says
Beautiful post and lovely reminder! Thanks so much or linking up with pin it tuesday!
GC says
Thanks Alexa!
Gaye
Joi @ Rx Fitness Lady says
AMEN! Thanks for linking this up! It was VERY popular already on Pinterest…very nice. It’s a great message to all (including non mothers)!
GC says
Thanks so much, Joi!
Gaye
A Renaissance Woman (@PamelaMKramer) says
Stopping by from SITS share –
I really think that I focus on who I am and maybe that comes with age. I’m strong in the areas of motivating and inspiring others. A lot of times I will encourage someone else when really I am the one who needs the encouragement. It’s something that I really need to hear. That method ends up motivating both of us. Does that make sense? I tell people what I would want to hear myself. I also try to surround myself with people that encourage me. We are too hard on ourselves, you are so right! I know sometimes I have a lot of negative self talk and working out helps me deal with that stuff. We all have to have an outlet. 🙂
GC says
Hi Pamela – I do understand about telling others what you need to hear. In many ways that’s why I blog about health, happiness, and intimacy – I am sharing with other women the things I need to be hear!
Thanks so much for stopping by.
Gaye
ExaltedPeacock says
Your post is such a reminder to all of us. I have similar days where negative self talk controls my mental microphone and I have to calmly reminds myself that I’m worthy. I wrote about it in a blog after I’d been sick and unproductive for nearly a week: http://exaltedpeacock.com/waking-up/
Thank you for posting it and happy sharefest.
GC says
Thanks so much. I enjoyed your post. Isn’t it crazy that we can feel guilty for being sick?!?!
Gaye
homemakersdaily says
Good post. Women are definitely too hard on themselves. I go through phases where I do that. But mostly I’m pretty comfortable with who I am. I accepted the fact a long time ago that I couldn’t do a lot of that stuff and I focus on what I can.
GC says
I think that focusing on what you can do and letting the rest go is the perfect attitude!
Thanks for stopping by.
Gaye
KerryRivera (@breadwinningmom) says
What a great message. I’ve been very hard on myself lately, and I think it’s because I get into that pattern of comparing myself to everyone. I see so many gifts in others, but I need to recognize I have a few of my own. Stopping by from SITS. 😉
GC says
Hi Kerry – Yeah, it’s so easy to fall into that pattern, isn’t it. I hope you will be able to focus on your own gifts and strengths. I struggle with that too.
Gaye
Keia Lee says
I have been working on this a lot lately! I get so overwhelmed with all of the goals I have set and the things I want to achieve. I try to ask myself every morning what I can do today to take a step towards accomplishing my goals. That seems to help keep it all in perspective.
Angel says
Great post. I forgot what quiet time feels like. Thanks for sharing with us at our Thursdays Favorite Things Blog Hop.
Angel
Elena Ferdinand says
This is such a great post and so true! Women are way too hard on themselves. When I don’t like something about myself, I am very good at remembering the things I do like/love :o) I also think it’s important to be happy with yourself when you have children. I want to set a good example for my daughter. I want her to know how confident, strong, and beautiful her mom is so that she wants to be all of those things herself :o)
– [email protected]
GC says
Hi Elena – You are so right about setting a good example for our daughters. I only have sons, but I want them to see me as a strong, confident and capable woman, not someone who is always putting herself down or underestimating her abilities.
Thanks so much for stopping by.
Gaye
Lori Bosworth says
Very well said. I think when we see others’ strengths and wonder why we don’t have them, we forget that they have weaknesses too. So it’s best to be thankful for the qualities you have and accept the rest!
GC says
Hi Lori – I agree – we tend to focus on others’ strengthens and our weaknesses. No wonder we end up feeling inadequate and a little depressed!
Thanks for stopping by.
Gaye
Betty Taylor says
You know there are lots of things I’m not good at, but it doesn’t bother me any more. I think after 50 I seemed to come to the point that I am who I am. I want to lose weight to be healthy. I want to spend time with my family because I truly enjoy them. If someone doesn’t like me that’s their issue, not mine. God made me who I am, I have no sense of rhythm, so apparently God didn’t want me to be a dancer or musician. I am a very caring person, and a great listener. I believe those are great qualities.
Visiting with LWML Blog hop.
GC says
Hi Betty – Thanks so much for these wise comments. I have found the same thing to some extent – I still have my insecurities and things I think I should be able to do better, but the older I get the less important those worries seem. And I am better able now than when I was younger to say “I’m good at this.”
Thanks for stopping by.
Gaye
Nicky says
We have a lot of the same thoughts:) Swinging through with the blog hop. Hope you have a great day!
Nicky
http://www.feelingtheemptynest.com
Pamela says
Ah…I needed this. I fall into the comparison trap so easily. I’ve found that usually the one we are comparing ourselves to is comparing themselves to me. I need to embrace who I am and enjoy the strengths of others.
GC says
Hi Pamela – Isn’t it ironic when we find out that the person we want to be like wants to be like us?!?!
Thanks for stopping by.
Gaye
Michell says
Hi Gaye! Great post! It’s so easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others(especially other women). We all have SOMETHING about ourselves we feel insecure about. It’s the enemy’s job to make those insecurities bigger than what they actually are! We must constantly remind ourselves that we are made in His image and likeness. He’s given each of us skills and talents. Once we find those and start honing them, then everything everyone else is doing won’t make us feel insignificant. Thanks so much for sharing Gaye and thanks for dropping by and linking up today! Have a wonderful week!!
GC says
Thanks so much, Michell.
Gaye
Adrienne Bolton (@TheMommyMess) says
We are our own worst enemies, aren’t we? I like the idea of focusing on our strengths!
GC says
Hi Adrienne – I know – why do we always focus on our (perceived) weaknesses? Believe me, I’m preaching to myself when I say “let’s focus on our strengths.”
Gaye
juliejs says
ohmigawsh. How wonderfully normal you are – and how wonderfully refreshingly honest to make such confessions! I am smiling ear-to-ear. Kindreds! I’m glad I came over to read today from the Recycle Your Post hop. Its my first time there & I love what I am reading!
GC says
Thanks so much for your kind words, Julie.
Gaye
Chris Carter says
This is such a great post!! It reminds me of my favorite verse: Phil 4:8. It is a constant struggle for us women to stay focused on what is “worthy of praise” isn’t it? Love this encouragement!! Visiting from Going Green!! 🙂
Alison says
Thanks for your wonderful post. I’m going to print this out so I don’t forget your amazing advice.
Ali x
GC says
Thanks so much for stopping by, Ali.
Have a great day.
Gaye
Betsy @ Romance on a Dime says
This was so good to read! thanks for sharing your heart!! I’m glad you linked up at Romance on a dime. Lately, I’ve been very tired and not accomplishing all I want to accomplish. Bu I’m still living a wonderfully blessed life. Thanks for the encouragement.
GC says
Thanks Betsy. Why is it so easy to focus on the things we are not accomplishing, rather than all the things we are doing? I have no clue – but that is certainly the case with me!
Have a great day. I appreciate the opportunity to link up with you.
Gaye
Jesse @ Thw Empowered Momma says
Everything in moderation with balance. such a great post to let your inner strengths shine and not worry about everyone else’s. our energy is better spent on keeping positive. everyone else is taken, so be you. thanks for linking up to Empowered Living Tuesday hop, hope to see more of your great posts.
GC says
Thanks Jesse. Yes, I love the idea of focusing our energy on being positive.
Thanks for stopping by.
Gaye
Bree @ Twinkle in the Eye says
I think we all set hard to reach standards for ourselves, it really does pay to stand back and look at our God given gifts and what is really important and what is really important is relationships – not craft!
GC says
Hi Bree – I agree – relationships are everything. If we’re using our gifts and skills to strengthen our relationships, we’re on the right track. We just need to stop beating ourselves up over the areas where we are not gifted and skilled!
Hope you’re having a good day.
Gaye
chrsitina says
Really liked this post after the day I had… thanks!
GC says
Thanks Christina – Just checked out your blog. Yeah, I can see why you would have some crazy days! Hope this post helped just a little bit.
Thanks for stopping by.
Gaye
Becca says
This definitely ties in with healthy living. Thanks for sharing at A Humble Bumble!
GC says
Thanks Becca. I appreciate the opportunity to link up with you.
Gaye
Becky K says
Came by way of Generous Wife…. My husband just this week said to me, “I like YOU when you are being YOU and not trying to be someone else. I married you because of you, not because of you turning into someone else.” That really helped me put things back in perspective!!!
GC says
Hi Becky – What a great thing for your husband to say! I love that – it is so encouraging.
Thanks for stopping by.
Gaye
Michaela {au naturel design} says
I think the worst part is that I set the impossible standards for myself so I’m setting my self up for failure, rather than working hard at my best and accomplishing what is realistic. Thanks so much for sharing. I am also a good cook, I am fit, I am fun and I have a lot of love to give.
GC says
Hi Michaela – And you are artistic and stylish and have a stunning blog! Yeah, let’s all agree to let go of the impossible standards and just work to be the best we can be.
Thanks for stopping by.
Gaye
Patricia Robertson says
I can completely relate. I am always hard on myself. I am always thinking “I should lose weight, I am a bad mother because my child ate cereal for dinner for 3 nights, we should be having family game night every week, I should be volunteering at school all the time, etc.” My list could probably go on for miles. I am often extremely hard on myself. I wish I understood why women are this way too. I like the idea of focusing on being created to be who I am by God. Positive thinking is so hard it feels like a work out sometimes. I really enjoyed reading and relating to your post.
Love
Patricia
http://www.thettdiaries.com
GC says
Hi Patricia – I think we should all agree to just stop doing this to ourselves! I encourage you, me and everyone who reads this to make a concerted effort this week to ignore the negative thoughts and focus instead on the gifts, abilities and strengths God has given us. Let’s just put aside every negative thought along the lines of “I should be …,” or “I wish I was more…” and replace it with “I love that I can…” or “I thank God that I am able to…”
Thanks so much for stopping by.
Gaye
angie says
I also visited from the Generous Wife and want to thank you for this post 🙂 Wonderful when we all can stop comparing ourselves to everyone & everything else and just focus on being the best me I can be for husband and family!!!
GC says
Exactly! Don’t know why it’s so easy to get off track with all of those negative comparisons to other women, but it is. Certainly we can all grow and improve, but I am going to focus more on the things I am good at, rather than the things I’m not.
Thanks so much for stopping by.
Gaye
Anne says
I came over here from the Generous Wife. Love this post! The second paragraph is my life too…exactly! It’s hard to be a mom who doesn’t enjoy/isn’t good at those “mom” things. Thanks for posting!
GC says
Hi Anne – But I bet you are good at other “mom things,” just maybe not the ones that get all the attention! Even though I am not good at those things, I am good at other things that benefit my family. I think we should “play to our strengths” and not worry too much about our weaknesses – but it’s much easier to say that than it is to do it!
Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate The Generous Wife so much for linking to my post.
Gaye
Forgetful Mom says
Great post. Right now I am sitting down in front of the computer with a beer and some Doritos enjoying some quiet time, loving it and not too worried about the treadmill that hasn’t been used all week. My clothes still fit and come Monday I’ll be back on my treadmill. I have two healthy, beautiful kids so I figure I can eat what I want in moderation, exercise because I enjoy and have fun. I earned my body. And most time take care of. 🙂
New follower!
http://forgetfulmomma.com
GC says
Sometimes you just need some quiet time! Yeah, my treadmill didn’t get much of a workout this week either, and that’s pretty unusual for me. But I will do better starting tomorrow. And I will try to focus my energy this week on the positives in my life.
Thanks for stopping by and following.
Gaye