How are things going for you? I hope you’re enjoying the wonder of Christmas and avoiding the stress and strain of the season. For me, this is turning into a Christmas like no other. My mother’s sudden illness and death have turned everything upside down for me and my family. Not only are we grieving our loss, we’re also trying to figure out what Christmas should look like in the midst of such a loss. And we’re wondering about practical things too, like how we’ll shop and clean and decorate and cook, given that we’ve missed more than two weeks of preparation time.
So, in this final 10 days before Christmas, I’m trying to let go of things that don’t matter, the things that block faith, hope and love. And to hold on to the things that do matter, the things that bring meaning, peace and joy. If you’re feeling in some way that the joy of Christmas is slipping away, consider joining me in letting go of:
- Unrealistic expectations – Perfect gifts, perfect food, perfect holiday, perfect children, perfect husband – they don’t exist. And even if they did, they would not be happening at my house this year. I’ll be lucky to accomplish the most basic of Christmas tasks. So I’m letting go of unrealistic expectations. If you’re feeling stressed in any way, I hope you’ll let go of them too.
- Control – I sometimes feel the need to control everything. I think many women do. But we can’t, we shouldn’t, and we need to stop trying. Attempts to control sap our energy and joy and say to other people, “I don’t trust you to do it right.”
- Petty angers, annoyances and jealousies – In this season of giving, let’s give others the gift of grace and forgiveness for the small ways they’ve hurt or annoyed us. Holidays can bring old hurts to the surface; this year, let’s move beyond them in the spirit of joy and peace.
Instead, let’s try holding on to:
- Faith – During this time of upheaval, I’m choosing to hold on to my faith, to my belief that God is good and ultimately in control. If you’re experiencing upheaval in your life, or just feeling the stress and strain of the season, I hopeĀ you’ll hold on to faith too.
- People – You know this as well as I do, but sometimes we forget – all of the good things in our lives begin and end with the people in our lives. Everything else – things, schedules, events, places, traditions – pales in comparison to the value of the people around us. Let’s focus on them and let them know that they mean everything to us.
- Joy in the small things -Let’s decide to enjoy the simplest things – cooking dinner, listening to Christmas music, sitting around the tree, baking messy cookies and wrapping messy presents with our kids, walking outside, enjoying intimacy with our husbands.
Are you letting go and holding on this Christmas? Please share your thoughts in the Comments – I would love to hear from you. Gaye
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Kristen Daukas says
So sorry to hear about your mom š That’s a tough one. I think you do what you need and want to do and not a thing more. For me, with the in-laws coming, I’ve given myself permission to “go to bed” when I’ve had my fill. Finding peace and quiet when and where I can will most likely keep me calm and sane this year. Hang in there and big hugs your way!!
GC says
Thanks Kristen. Yes, I think you’re right – do what you can and want to do, and that’s it. I love the idea of “going to bed” when you’ve had enough of visiting relatives! Thanks for your kind words.
Gaye
oysterbed7 says
Continuing to hold you and your family close in my heart, G.
GC says
Thank you, Bonny. I have greatly appreciated your prayers and support through this whole ordeal.
Gaye
Amber Day Hicks says
My dad passed away in 2002, the day after Christmas, my daughter was born prematurely the next year on 12/02. In 2004, my dad’s dad passed away on two days after Christmas. In 2005, 12/06 theres a blog miniseries going on my blog http://citygirlonhicksfarm.com where I was in a car accident & in a coma for 21 days… Christmas isn’t my season… I put a tree up for my daughter, but, I am not a fan of this holiday, it has awesome meaning but we as a society have commercialized it way too much. (IN MY OPINION)
GC says
Oh Amber, you have had so much stress and grief in the month of December! No wonder Christmas isn’t your season. I pray that you and your family will have a lovely, relaxed holiday and that you’ll enjoy the memories of those who have passed away. That’s what my family is going to try to do this year.
Gaye
cassi9879b says
Maybe focus on the kids for Christmas and pick out a different day over the holidays as a sort of celebration of your mother’s life. This day would probably be better as adults only. Spend the day making your mother’s holiday favorites (food, crafts, whatever she was into) together, sharing your fondest memories. Maybe even recording her favorites for each family to take home and share with the kids when they want to remember grandma.
GC says
Thanks Cassi. This is a great idea. My sisters and I will be getting together at my mother’s house after Christmas, and it would be wonderful to incorporate some of these ideas for celebration into our time together.
Gaye
Lisa B. says
Couldn’t agree more with your post about just doing what’s important and what matters. Why do we think we have to do EVERYTHING! This year we have scaled back big time, and my stress is almost non-existent! No cookie baking (I used to eat most of them), photo cards (no need to write a message), hubby and I only exchanging stockings and gave a donation to a favorite charity in lieu of gifts, and the kids are each getting one present to open, stockings, and some money. Spending time with family and friends, making memories, etc. – it’s about that, not decorations, beautifully wrapped presents, and a spotless house. This year looking forward to celebrating Jesus’ birthday in a whole new light! Keeping our eyes on Him!!!
GC says
Hi Lisa – Oh, you have exactly the right idea! I need to adopt some of your ideas. I know that I need to cut things way back this year, if only because I just don’t have time to do it all, but I need to get a plan together (and quickly!) for what I can and cannot do. At this point, I’m basically rolling without a plan – which is never a good thing!
Gaye
Antionette Blake says
Yes, this can be a very difficult time, trust me, we lost hubby’s mother in August and even though my sister has been gone since 1992, and my grandmother in 2009, I haven’t felt like celebrating. I haven’t pulled out one decoration or put up the tree…. Thankfully my sons are older so they aren’t bugging me to do anything. Just do what you feel will get the family through it and don’t stress all the other things you won’t be doing this year. Stay strong and remember the reason for the season!
GC says
Hi Antionette – So sorry that you are dealing with several losses. No wonder you are having a hard time getting in the mood. I hope you are able to enjoy some times of Christmas joy this season, even if you don’t go in for celebrating in a big way.
gaye
Kimberly C. Lyons says
Awesome Post!!! I love the part about letting go of things that don’t matter and to hold on to things that matter. So true!!!
GC says
Thank you, Kimberly.
Gaye