How’s the sexual energy level in your marriage? Is it high or low, or somewhere in between? Are you working to increase it? I’m not talking making love more often (although that’s good too!), but rather about infusing your marriage with sexual energy – the communications and actions that say to your spouse “I want you.”
High sexual energy is nearly universal in new relationships, but declines after a few years – unless we take steps to maintain it. And in the same way that maintaining physical, mental or emotional energy requires a bit of time and attention, so does maintaining sexual energy. Fortunately, it’s a fun and easy kind of “maintenance” that everyone can do! Here are six ways to increase the sexual energy level in your marriage.
1. Spend some “down time” together.
It’s really hard (if not impossible) to maintain high sexual energy if you’re both running from one activity to another all day, every day. And it’s doubly hard if you’re both connected to your phone, tablet or laptop most of the time. So figure out a way to spend some “down time” together, when you can unwind a bit and enjoy each other’s company. It doesn’t have to be an official date (although dating your spouse is great); rather, it can be something as simple as watching a movie or having a glass of wine together. Or doing something a little bit adventurous together.
2. Open up avenues of sexy communication.
Introduce some sexual innuendo into day-to-day communication with your husband. It can take the form of sexy texts or emails, a quick comment during a phone call, or a whispered reminder. I must be a slow learner because I didn’t realize until a couple of years ago that married couples can sext each other! But indeed they can! Use sexier words than you normally use, keeping it fun and flirty. If the idea makes you uncomfortable, start with something mild and work your way up to something steamier over time. (This is the approach I’ve had to take, and it’s still a work in progress.) Also, writing (text or email) may be easier than talking at first. (Um, yes.)
3. Engage in public displays of affection.
OK, we’re not talking about teenage PDAs here – nothing tasteless! But, you know, it’s really okay for married couples to show a bit of sexual affection at home and in public. So give him a real kiss in the kitchen, sit on his lap once in a while, pat him on the butt, put your hand in the back pocket of his jeans. Your kids may moan and complain, but you know what – they really like knowing that their parents are still into each other.
4. Show a little skin.
Again, nothing tasteless. But a little flash of skin when no one else is looking is fine, and definitely gives your sexual energy level a boost! You can also do this with photos, if you’re careful and discreet. And consider choosing outfits for dates with your husband that are a bit sexier than your standard attire. For example, I have a couple of outfits I wouldn’t wear to work or church, but do wear when just the two of us go out.
5. Let other people know you still think he’s hot.
When you’re with family and friends, touch him and stand close to him. Kiss him. Speak positively about him. When others make sex-negative comments about marriage, make sex-positive comments about your husband and your marriage and marriage in general.
6. Revive your inner flirt.
Once upon a time, most of us knew a little bit about flirting. But somewhere along the way, probably around the time baby #2 came along, we lost track of our inner flirt. So see if you can revive yours. Wink at him from across the room. Smile at him for no particular reason. Touch him when you talk to him. Brush up against him. Compliment him. Wear something you know he finds attractive. Ask him for help with a “manly task,” even if you’re perfectly capable of doing it yourself. Make him and you feel good about your marriage and your sexuality.
Do you find it easy or difficult to maintain the sexual energy level in your marriage? What are some “energy boosters” that have worked for you? Please share your thoughts in the Comments – I would love to hear from you.
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