Before your children go back to school, the new school year always seems full of promise. It’s a great time to get things in order, get everyone on a schedule and get going on some projects (organization, exercise, healthy eating!).
I think most moms begin the school year on that kind of optimistic note. Almost no one heads into September thinking, “I’m going to end up running myself ragged and nearly collapsing with fatigue!” But by the time November rolls around, that’s often exactly what happens.
This year, make a plan right now that will help you avoid the “I’m stressed, tired and losing my mind” scenario. Here are three things to decide:
• Who’s in charge? Who’s going to control your family’s schedule this year? You and your husband? Your children? People at church who want your help with various projects? Your children’s coaches or activity leaders?
If you want to live a reasonably calm, healthy and sexy life this year, then you and your husband must take charge of and control your family’s schedule. It’s very easy to allow others to take on that power (often before you even realize it!) simply because the two of you aren’t managing your family’s activities.
If you allow anyone else to control your schedule, you’re almost guaranteed to be stressed and tired before Thanksgiving rolls around!
• What are our priorities? This year, set priorities for yourself and your family for the coming school year. Talk with your husband, choose the things you want to define your family’s life over the next 9 months, and set those things up as a “frame” for the year.
This proactive approach keeps you from reacting all the time to new requests or demands on your time.
For example, let’s say all of your children are playing soccer this year, you’ve started exercising and are working to lose 20 pounds, you and you husband are leading a small group at church, and the two of you want more time to relax and spend time together.
That’s it – those are your priorities for the year! When you add in work, homework, meals, laundry, housework and sleep – you’re out of time and energy, and if you commit to something else, your priorities will suffer. (Some things, like illnesses and job changes, can become priorities without your permission! But those things are the exception, not the rule.)
• Do we need to let go or say no? Finally, take a mental tour of your life and identify places where you or other family members need to let go or say no.
Have you been doing something for a long time for a long time just because no one else has shown up to do it? Maybe it doesn’t fit into your “frame” for the year, and you need to let go of it.
Have you allowed your children to get involved in so many activities that you and your husband are running on empty trying to get them to every practice, game, meeting and event? It may be time to help them let go of a few things.
If someone has asked you to take on a new task (or if someone asks you to take one on during the school year ) and it doesn’t fit with your priorities for the year, just say no. I know that’s hard for a lot of women but, believe me, it gets easier with practice!
By the way, these 3 questions can help every couple and family make a plan for the coming year, not just families with school-age children. Our sons are college age and older now, so we’re not tied to the school year calendar the way we were for the past 20+ years, but we still need to make plans and set our priorities for the coming year.
Do you and your husband take charge and set priorities for your family? What are some strategies that have worked for you? Please share your ideas in the Comments – I would love to hear from you.
Eat healthy and save time in the kitchen this school year with my new ebook, The Busy Mom’s Guide to Healthy Family Meals.
toworkwithmyhands says
This is such wise advice Gaye. To be honest, I am my own worst enemy on this one. It’s not so much pressures from outside, but my own desire to do so many things at once that leaves me running crazy and worn out. I hope I live to be at least 100 because there is just so much I want to get done in this lifetime! For now, I really need to work on #3.
Thanks for sharing your wisdom!
GC says
Thanks so much, Karen. “I am my own worst enemy” – yes, that seems to be a fairly consistent problem for a lot of women!
Gaye
MommiFried (@mommifried) says
Such a great post! Football season now kicks in for my teen, so with back to school, sports and homework – we are back to a very busy schedule. There are some things I do need to let go of in order to keep my sanity. Thanks for the tips! And for linking this up at LOBS! My favorite post of the bunch!
GC says
Thanks Crystal!
Gaye
dishofdailylife says
Our schedule with sports gets very hectic so we do need to plan well! Once school starts and I see what the actual schedule is, we’ll have to get it together. We have two in high school sports this year so I think it will get a little easier because I won’t be driving all over timbuktu for the one child. Thanks so much for linking up with us at LOBs!
GC says
Hi Michelle – Yes, when our youngest got into high school sports (as opposed to rec or club sports), things definitely got easier.
Gaye
pmoppins says
I used to have a real problem saying no which landed me in every activity and group known to man and left very little of me for my family – MY PRIORITY. So, even though I dislike saying no, it has gotten a lot easier. Thanks for the reminder/pep talk that it’s okay to let go of some commitments to keep your priorities intact. Thanks for linking up at Pin It Tuesday.
GC says
Hi Julie – I don’t like saying no either, but it has gotten easier over time. I recently said no (actually, “no more”) to something, and am quite sure that some people are unhappy with me. But sometimes we just have to do what’s right for us and our families, regardless of what others think.
Thanks for stopping by.
Gaye
Brittnei says
This is a great post! My son is going to be 16 months in a few days and with me being home working on our home business and with hubby working outside of the home some days I can see how certain things could potentially run our lives if we don’t create schedules and set time to do everything. This is great to look forward to using too once my son gets older. You always have such well-rounded information to share in order for us as people to stay calm, healthy and sexy. I love it! 🙂 Thanks for faithfully linkup up with us on the Get Fit Friday hop! 🙂
lydiaf1963 says
Great post! I love the idea of using the start of the school year to reevaluate the family’s priorities. Thanks for linking up to the Get Inspired Weekend Blog Hop 🙂
GC says
Thanks Lydia. I’m glad I found you through Get Fit Friday.
Gaye
dishofdailylife says
This is good advice, but I definitely struggle with it. I am very unorganized when it comes to back to school! Trying to be better this year, but we have family in, our Fresh AIr child, and all 3 kids have camps (high school preseason and sleepaway for my tween) right before the school year starts! Better planning next year?
GC says
Hi Michelle – It sounds like you’re cramming in a lot of fun at the end of the summer! I hope you can set a few priorities for the year. I find it hard to do too, but we’re really going to try this year.
Gaye
JDaniel4's Mom says
These really do need to be talked about before school starts. Thank you for sharing them with me. I need to talk to my guys about them.
GC says
Thanks Deirdre – Hope you can get them “on board” with setting some priorities for the year.
Gaye
Seana Turner says
Having a visual reminder of family priorities is a great tool for summoning the courage to say “no”… great post!
GC says
Thanks Seana – I like the visual too.
Gaye
Juggling Real Food (@JugglngRealFood) says
I really struggle with all of this. There is so much that I want to do, but it I so often get caught up with what I have to do. I’m going to find some time to talk with my husband about our priorities. That should help quite a bit. We need to set up our frame. Hmmm……..I can see us discussing this while we are out running our new 5K training. If he doesn’t mind my heavy breathing. My mind is very clear when I’m running. Thanks to your encouragement, I’ve worked in exercise to my schedule. That will definitely go into the frame. Thanks again for the great advice Gaye!
GC says
Thanks Christina. I know you have a lot going on, especially with your active kids. I hope this is helpful to you. Even though our youngest is now in college and we don’t have all of the kids’ sports and activities to deal with, I still find that we don’t have enough time and really need to set our priorities. I’m hoping that my husband and I will discuss that when we’re on vacation next week.
So happy that you’ve added exercise to your schedule!
Gaye
Marie says
Love this post, because I think a lot of people try to do too much, including myself. I am nervous and excited that my youngest is starting school in the fall which means that I will finally have some “alone” time. Ever since having kids, I have tried hard to cut back on doing “too much”, and will slowly add a few more things to my day. However, sticking to what fits in our frame is something I will for sure do.
GC says
Thanks Marie. It’s kind of distressing to send the youngest to school, but also kind of exciting. I hope you find the “frame” that works best for you.
Gaye
Betty Taylor says
You are so right! My youngest is leaving for college this year. Some years I felt like I didn’t know whether I was coming or going. I loved it when school was on break.
Single Mom in the South says
Great advice! Thus far, I’m still in charge of it all, but as our family sitiuation continues to change and settle, I”m hoping to have a little more help!
GC says
A little help is a very good thing! Hope you get some soon.
Gaye
Sandra says
What a great reminder for me this is – we homeschool and I am already starting to feel overwhelmed as we plan our schedule for the next year (and yes, I literally have to plan some activities out for the entire year, mostly the extracurricular things). My hubby and I would love to have less stress and more time together both as a family and a couple this year, so it’s going to take some change on everyone’s part to help that to happen and to stay the course without falling back into the old habits of overwork (on mama’s part) and overcommitment that bring on that run-ragged feeling you mentioned. Thanks for this upbeat and encouraging post! God bless you!
GC says
Thanks so much, Sandra. I’m glad this was an encouragement to you. It sounds like you are balancing so many things, it will take a concerted effort to create a sane life for yourself and your family.
Gaye
nothy says
I agree that you need to set priorities but really, I do find autumn and the new school year invigorating. It is the dark, cold winter when I really need a boost. But if you have things in place beforehand it is easier to stay connected…
GC says
Hi Nothy – I need a boost in the winter too, even though I live in a mild and fairly southern climate. If I remember correctly, you live in a northern climate, so planning for a number of “boosts” for the winter would be even more important. And I like the idea of planning those things beforehand.
Thanks so much for stopping by.
Gaye
DeDivahDeals says
My son’s last year of high school….bittersweet!
GC says
Hi Antionette – Oh, I know the feeling. VERY bittersweet. Our youngest graduated from high school a year ago, and I could hardly believe that our years of sports and school activities were over.
Gaye
DeDivahDeals says
I know, it really hasn’t sunk in yet!