(Are you participating in our challenge to have fun with your husband this month? If so, leave a comment here on on the Facebook post and let us know what you did last week or what you’re planning this week. (I shared our fun from last week on FB.) And if you haven’t started yet, jump right in!)
When you and your husband were dating, you probably thanked him regularly, both when he did something nice for you and when he helped you out with routine tasks. Early in your marriage, you probably did the same thing. But as time went on, you may have stopped saying “thank you” as often – or even at all – without even realizing it. And as children came along and things got a little crazy, you may have started assuming that he was “supposed” to do those things – so why did you need to thank him?
I know how that feels. Honestly, I think everyone who’s been married for more than six months knows that feeling. When you’re dating and newly married you pay attention and make sure to appreciate your spouse. But after a while you tend to forget how important it is to recognize his efforts and to say a simple “thank you” regularly.
But those two little words hold a lot of power. No, they won’t transform a marriage that’s struggling and turn it into a bed of roses, but they can send a strong and powerful message to your spouse. By saying “thank you” regularly, you’re also saying “I notice what you’re doing,” “I appreciate you,” and “I need you.” Those two simple words acknowledge his contributions to and presence in your life and fill his need to be noticed and appreciated.
Now, you might be thinking, “I don’t thank him because he’s just doing the things he’s supposed to do.” And I understand that. It doesn’t seem like we should have to thank a person for doing his job. So if your husband cooks dinner or changes the oil in your car or puts the kids to bed or works hard to earn money for the family, well, those are adult jobs and he’s one of the adults in the family. So he’s just doing his job.
But when you’re just “doing your job” and someone expresses appreciation for your efforts, how do you feel? I know how I feel – great. At my office, for example, I’m responsible for certain projects and tasks – they’re my job. But when someone thanks me for helping them out or doing a good job, I feel appreciated. And at home I’m responsible for certain tasks, including most of the cooking. But when someone thanks me for dinner or for making one of his favorite foods, I feel appreciated. And a little bit of appreciation goes a long way to make the often-tedious tasks of meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking suddenly seem a little less tedious.
The same is true with your husband (and mine!). He gets tired of the daily grind just like you do. The effects of work, house and yard chores, children’s activities, church responsibilities, and other tasks tend to wear him down, especially if he doesn’t think you appreciate his efforts. But when he knows that you do, it can change his energy and enthusiasm for all of the mundane “stuff” of daily life. And the same is true for you and me – we all want to feel appreciated
If you’ve gotten out of the habit of saying thank you to your spouse, I want to encourage you to restart it. Over the next two weeks, make a conscious effort to thank him 4 or 5 times a day. Your expressions of thanks needn’t be elaborate or gushy. Instead, they should be simple and honest. Thank him for mowing the grass, cooking dinner, changing the oil in your car, taking the kids to soccer, getting rid of the big spider – any of the myriad things he does for you and your family. Don’t make a big deal out of it, just make an effort to say a simple “thank you” or “I really appreciate it when you _______” regularly.
I think that this kind of “conscious appreciation” can make a big difference in our marriages over time. No, it’s not the solution to every marriage problem, but it can smooth out some of the bumps that develop along the way and set a tone for treating each other with kindness and respect.
Do you thank your husband regularly? If so, does it make a difference in your marriage? And if you don’t, why not give it a try. I’d love to hear if it makes a difference for you.
Sharing with Family Fun Friday.
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