I’m embarrassed to tell you that I spent part of yesterday morning in traffic court. And I’m even more embarrassed to tell you why I was there. Several weeks ago, while sitting in rush hour traffic on the way to work, I decided to turn right and get out of the congestion. Because I knew that the street just two blocks over wouldn’t be congested at all. In fact, if I could cross over to that street, I could zip through town and get to my office in minutes.
Sounds like a good solution, right? The only problem is, the intersection where I turned is marked “No Right Turn – 6:00 am – 9:00 am.” I knew that, but I turned right anyway. And a police officer saw me, and pulled me over. And gave me a ticket for $185. Ouch and double ouch.
This painful experience reminded me of something important, something so basic I can’t believe I ignored it – “If you know it’s wrong, don’t do it.” This wasn’t an honest mistake on my part. I knew what the sign said. To be perfectly honest, I had turned right there before, knowing I shouldn’t do it. This was about selfishness and me doing what I wanted to do, regardless of the rules.
Turning right on a “no turn” sign isn’t a terrible crime, but it resulted in embarrassment, wasted time, and financial costs. And I could have prevented all of those things by sticking to one of the most basic rules of life – If you know it’s wrong, don’t do it.
The only bright side of this incident is this – it reminded me that this “rule” applies to our marriages too. If I’m doing something wrong in my marriage, I need to stop doing it. And if you’re doing something wrong in your marriage, you need to stop doing it. It could be something that seems small and insignificant, like withholding information that might cause conflict, or something that clearly qualifies as big and serious, like developing an emotional attachment to another man. Lots of things can fall into the “it’s wrong” category when it comes to marriage – holding onto anger, acting selfishly, avoiding problems, failing to communicate, punishing your husband, withholding things that are important to him, and many more.
And usually, we know when we’re doing these things. And we know they’re wrong, that they tear down our marriages rather than build them up. But we do them anyway because, like me in rush hour traffic, we’re selfish. Or we’re looking for the easy way around a problem – the path of least resistance.
If you’re encountering any of those things in your marriage, don’t be stupid and selfish like me. Remember the most basic rule of life, the one most of us learned as children – If you know it’s wrong, don’t do it. Address those “wrong” areas in your marriage while they’re small, so you don’t end up paying “costs” that you never, ever wanted to pay.
Sharing with Pretty Pintastic Party, Messy Marriage and Family Fun Friday.
Cassie says
This is a great reminder! For me it is knowing to provide information when talking instead of being snippy. That even is true for when I am tired. Quailty conversation provides connections. Being short does not.
GC says
Hi Cassie – That is a great point. It’s easy to let emotions, rather than information, take over our conversations, especially when we’re tired. This reminds me of something that Lori at has discussed recently – say what you need!
Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing.
Gaye
Brittany at EquippingGodlyWomen.com says
Love it! Too many times people get caught up in the wishy-washy “well… it’s probably not best… you probably should consider….” when really, sometimes all that needs to be said is “Hey. Just stop.”
GC says
Thanks Brittany. I need to remind myself of that often – “just stop!”
Gaye
Jessica McCleese, PsyD says
Such good advice! Its so easy to get upset and say or do things we regret later. What a good reminder not to do it if we know its wrong!
GC says
Thanks so much, Jessica. It was a painful reminder to me, and I was thankful I didn’t do anything even more stupid before I re-learned that lesson.
Gaye
Cradle Rocking Mama says
I love this! Well, I’m sorry for your traffic experience, but I love the way you brought it back to marriage. Recently I had a similar wake-up in my marriage. We were doing little things that were going to eventually turn in to big problems. Thankfully, we caught and corrected it before it caused any permanent damage. If you’re interested, I wrote about our experience “saving our marriage”. http://cradlerockingmama.com/how-we-saved-our-marriage-part-1/
Anyway, thank you for writing this. It’s a fabulous analogy!
GC says
Hi Carrie – Thanks so much. I am going over to check out your story.
Gaye
Juggling Real Food (@JugglngRealFood) says
This is a really powerful lesson Gaye. Even the best of us can find ourselves heading in the wrong direction when we least expect it. I hope your “life of crime” is now over my friend. LOL!
GC says
Ha ha – you are the first one to refer to it as my “life of crime,” Christina!
messymarriage says
Even though this choice cost you, Gaye, at least you got a great story and moral to share with all of us! It’s so true and we think, “Well, I’m just going to it this one time” but we end up doing it over and over often because we got away with it the last time! You cut right through the “congestion” on this issue, Gaye and give us a “fast and available” solution! Just don’t do what you know is wrong. 🙂 Love it!
GC says
Thank you, Beth. Yes, this reminded me of how easy it is to start down the path of not doing the right thing.
Gaye
Pure Grace Farms says
Another good reminder Gaye. I love how you can take these life lessons and make them real for me. Thanks again for another great post.
Blessings,
Shari
GC says
Thanks so much, Shari.
Gaye
Karen says
You did a wonderful job of taking a hard situation and turning it into a lesson for marriage! It is one I will certainly not soon forget, and even though the point is quite simple, it is very powerful. Thank you for sharing something hard that can be used to guide others to avoid mistakes in marriage.
GC says
Thank you, Karen. It was rather embarrassing, so I was happy to at least learn something from it.
Gaye
Bonny @oysterbed7 says
Such truth. An honest mistake is one thing, but when we consciously withhold info, do things we know would hurt our spouse and do it anyway? That is just big trouble in the makings. Your message is simple, but heavy. Thanks for the honesty, G. Traffic court, yikes!
GC says
Thanks Bonny. Yes, it was a big “yikes” for me!
Gaye
Ilka W.-J. says
Duly noted. Sometimes it’s the small things that make a big difference, hm? As in, If you know it’s wrong, don’t do it. How hard is that? Except…
Love to you, sister. 🙂
GC says
Yes, the small things should be easy to remember and follow, shouldn’t they? Thanks so much for stopping by.
Gaye
Chris says
My traffic court experience involved driving the wrong way down a one-way street. In this case it was mistake–because I wasn’t paying attention to the big signs God had placed right in front of me. Sigh.
Good post, and a good reminder, Gaye.
GC says
Ah yes, the big signs God placed in front of me that I failed to see – another good (and often painful) lesson!
Thanks Chris.
Gaye
Carrie Groneman says
EXCELLENT post Gaye and so true in every aspect. Thank you for the reminder of the damage we can do. I appreciate all your hard work to help us be a bit better. Carrie, A Mother’s Shadow
GC says
Thank you, Carrie. It was rather embarrassing to write, but I hope to keep others from making similar dumb mistakes.
Gaye
Andrew Budek-Schmeisser says
That does hurt.
So often, the choice for doing wrong is an evil quid pro quo…”she did THIS, so I feel justified in doing THAT”.
I did it this morning – my wife made a thoughtless but hurtful comment, and I gave her the cold shoulder. Heck of a way to start a weekend.
We are responsible for our own actions, and I have the obligation to be a gentleman. No matter what.
Today, I failed.
GC says
Thanks Andrew. It is so easy to make the wrong response or the wrong decision, isn’t it? Thankfully, in most cases we can make amends and try again.
Gaye
Lisa says
Great lesson Gaye….thanks for sharing
GC says
Thanks so much, Lisa. It was rather embarrassing to write!
Gaye