I’ve been thinking a lot about women’s bodies this week. Specifically, I’ve been thinking about the love-hate relationship many women have with their bodies, which is often more about hate than love. And wondering why we do that – why we think and feel things that allow us to hate our own bodies.
Certainly one reason is that our culture perpetuates the lie that only young, sexy, thin bodies are beautiful and valuable. But it’s not just secular culture; even some segments of Christian culture lean toward seeing women’s bodies in primarily sexual terms and viewing them as “a problem.” A thoughtful post at Warrior Wives this wed some of these issues and helped me think through my concerns about Christian “modesty culture.” And then I read an article titled “When Your Mother Says She’s Fat,” which nearly broke my heart. The thought of a young girl seeing her mother as beautiful and elegant, only to hear her mother say “I’m fat, ugly and horrible” – and believing it, because mothers always tell the truth – is stuck in my mind. As is the image of the same young girl hearing her grandmother say to her mother, “I don’t understand why he’d leave you….You’re overweight, but not that much.”
Friends, let’s stop doing this to ourselves. Let’s stop hating the bodies God gave us and start loving them, or at least liking them and treating them kindly and gently. Here are three reasons why we need to make this transition:
- Hating our bodies creates a negative focus in our lives and saps our energy. Loving our bodies creates a positive focus and increases our energy. I hate to think of the time and energy I’ve wasted hating or trying to change something about myself – time and energy that could have been used in 100 positive ways. In addition, because confidence is attractive, doing things that decrease my confidence actually make me less attractive – creating a vicious and self-defeating cycle.
- Hating our bodies sends the message to our children that women’s value is determined by a very narrow set of standards – standards almost no one actually meets. Loving our bodies sends the message to our children that women are inherently valuable, because they are created in the image of God. When we love and value ourselves, we’re free to help our children focus on the things in life that really do matter – family, friends, treating others with kindness, doing a good job, pursuing our interests and passions.
- Hating our bodies constricts and closes down our sexuality. Loving our bodies opens us up to exploring our sexuality and enjoying sex and intimacy with our husbands. It’s almost impossible to feel sexual when we tell ourselves over and over “you’re fat” or “you’re ugly.” But as we begin to love (or at least accept) our bodies, it becomes easier to believe that we were made to enjoy intimacy and to begin actually enjoying it.
If you want to love your body – or at least like it! – here are some ideas for getting started:
- Avoid television shows, magazines and other media that feature perfect women. Those women are media creations; they don’t actually exist.
- Treat your body well. Eat healthy food, exercise regularly, sleep at least 7 hours each night, keep stress under control, and take some time to do things you enjoy.
- Get up and move. Regular exercise/physical activity makes you feel great and helps you look great.
- Stop thinking and saying negative things about yourself. Whenever you catch yourself thinking or saying something negative about your body, stop and rewind. Replace those words with positive ones that focus on your strengths.
- Disconnect from people who make you feel bad about yourself. Some people gain energy by making other people feel bad, and some are just thoughtless. Avoid both types as much as possible.
- Stand up straight and walk with confidence. Look people in the eye and speak with confidence. Try it as an experiment, even if you don’t feel it. Confidence is attractive.
- Wear clothes that make you feel good.
- Work on something you really want to improve. Almost every woman wants to improve some aspect of her appearance, which is fine. Pick a change that’s reasonable and will make you feel good and go for it.
I’m working on loving my body and feeling good about my appearance, although it is difficult. How is it for you? What tips do you have for loving your body and yourself? Please share your thoughts in the Comments – I would love to hear from you. Gaye
Sharing with Let’s Get Real Hop, Saturday Pin It Party, Mommy Monday Blog Hop, Create with Joy, Messy Marriage, To Love, Honor and Vacuum, Pursuit of a Functional Home, Pin It Tuesday, The Pin It Party, Live Laugh Rowe, We Are That Family, Mercy Ink, Hearth and Soul Hop and Create With Joy.
Miki English says
Hi! I’m over from the Lets Get Real blog hop.
This was an inspiring post – and right on point! It’s soooo hard to find balance between loving your body as it is and striving for a body that is strong and healthy. We’re constantly bombarded with images of beautiful people with thin or athletic bodies. Over time we lose perspective and start believing that we should look that way too. Been there, done that! But, really, how many people do you see in real life that look like that? Very few, if any. It’s all about keeping life in perspective. Thanks for the post!
GC says
Hi Miki – Thanks so much. You’re right – t is so hard to find the right balance. I like the phrase you used – healthy and strong. That’s what we should be striving to achieve.
Gaye
Juggling Real Food (@JugglngRealFood) says
I know it wasn’t until I decided to accept my body as it is (for my daughter’s sake) that I actually started to make positive changes in nutrition that changed my body for the better. I guess it was the outside pressures that I was resisting. I now have the attitude that I’m happing being me. I just want to be the best Me that I can be. I struggled with an eating disorder in my teen years and I don’t want to go back to that. Your message is beautiful and so many of my friends need to hear it………..and I always need the reminders. Thanks so much for sharing it with our “Let’s Get Real” readers.
GC says
Hi Christina – “Just be the best Me that I can be.” I love that. I think that idea, plus Miki’s idea of striving for a healthy and strong body, are the most important motivators for becoming healthy and staying healthy. And I can see how important it is for mothers of daughters to really adopt and convey a healthy mindset about their bodies. It’s interesting that you didn’t start making changes until you adopted that mindset.
Gaye
Lisa Nelson says
Very nice post – and definitely needed out there!
Thanks so much for sharing and linking up with us at the Mommy Monday Blog Hop! I hope you will come back and network with us week after week.
I have followed you via bloglovin and pinterest!
GC says
Thanks Lisa! I am following you too, and will definitely link up again.
Gaye
inspiredbyjune says
Inspiring and encouraging post, Gaye! I think we often set ourselves up for failure in this area. Personally, I need to take baby-steps. For instance, recognizing I’m just not going to get up early and exercise every day. Maybe start with one day a week, mid-morning exercise, etc. I also think our motive is important.Feeling good and being healthy, those are good reasons to want to lose weight! I also think that is the best motivational approach for us to take with loved ones who need to loose weight, etc.
GC says
Hi June – I agree that baby steps and realistic goals are the way to go. I would rather start small and make progress than start big and find that I can’t keep it up!
Thanks for stopping by.
Gaye
Elizabeth says
I’ve been thinking a lot about this topic lately as well. I think it’s so important for women to be comfortable in their own skin but I also worry about not being honest with moms when they’re at an unhealthy weight. Just being 20 pounds above a healthy weight puts moms at risk for diabetes and hypertension. I know this first hand because I sat at my OB’s office in April and heard those very words. I’ve always been active and fit so I never imagined I’d be sitting on the exam table having this conversation. But having kids and being a busy mom often requires putting ourselves last and our health doesn’t stay a priority. So I feel that there must be a balance between telling women to love their bodies but not sugar coating the truth about obesity. Thanks for contributing to this conversation with tour post! Have a great 4th of July!
messymarriage says
This post is so full of wisdom and encouragement, Gaye. I especially like the idea you presented that what we believe about ourselves is perceived by others–so if we don’t like ourselves or our bodies, others follow our lead. I’ve tried over the years to take good care of my body and thankfully it’s held up fairly well, but there are so many wise reminders here that I need to do or do “again” to improve my health and self-image. Thanks for giving me so much to chew on and work toward, my friend!
messymarriage says
So much wisdom here, Gaye. I especially liked the point you make that when we feel bad about our bodies we project that “bad image” and others come to view us in the same way. (Sorry if I butchered the paraphrase, but that’s how I understood it! ha!) I know this is an area I need to work on more. I’ve tried to take good care of my body and face and along with God blessing me with good genes, so I think I’m holding up fairly well for my age. But there’s always room to improve in all the directions you offer us here. Thanks for always giving me something new and valuable to chew on, my friend!
GC says
Thanks Beth. I always appreciate your kind words and encouragement.
Gaye
@kimahall says
Just this morning I came to the realization that I had been placing too much importance on my looks. This was a pretty startling revelation for someone who has never been overly concerned with hair, makeup or wardrobe. It has to do with a 10 lb weight gain in the past year, and the few clothes that still fit. Ugh.
Praying and working on being grateful for good health instead, and how great I feel when I take proper care of myself. Thanks for the encouragement!
GC says
Hi Kim – Yes, 10 pounds can really do a job on me too! It’s hard not to get stuck on “I can’t be happy with myself until I lose this weight!”
Gaye
Vashti Quiroz-Vega says
Great post! Very inspiring. Thank you.
GC says
Thanks Vashti!
Gaye
honeybey says
Beautiful post! I remember when I was in my what I thought now was an ideal weight, I less appreciate my body. Now that I am obese and try to lose weight, I appreciate my body more. My past taught me how to love and be grateful.
Visiting from SITS,
http://herweightlossdiary.blogspot.com
GC says
It’s interesting that we can sometimes have an “ideal” body and still not appreciate it! But with wisdom, we can come to appreciate our body, even if it’s not “ideal.” Thanks for sharing that point.
Gaye
pinkixxjewelry says
This is an inspiring post. Women have been dealing with body issue like forever and you are right, we should start loving our body no matter what. First be grateful about it then it will lead us to feel good about it. I know it is easily said than being done but worth to try, right? 🙂
GC says
Yes, definitely worth a try! I like the idea of being grateful for our bodies first, leading to feeling good about them.
Thank you for stopping by.
Gaye
Jesse @ The Empowered Momma says
Beautiful message. Although my body has not fully returned back to its pre-baby state I love the fact it gave my a healthy son. Keeping positive and taking it one step at a time.