5 Reasons to Have More Fun With Your Husband

Once you’ve been married for a few years, the word “fun” starts to slide right out of your vocabulary. And after a couple of kids come along, it often disappears completely. It seems like the adult responsibilities of job, home, marriage and children just conspire to chase all of the fun right out of your life and marriage. And before you know it, you and your husband feel like roommates or co-workers who are just chugging along, trying to get the job done.

Admittedly, the roommate/co-worker approach is efficient. After all, if you’re both working and checking things off the family’s “to do” list all the time, you’re going to get a lot of things done. But it’s bad for your marriage, not to mention your health, stress level, and peace of mind. And it most definitely isn’t fun.

My husband and I took some time just to enjoy life together last weekend, and it reminded me how important fun is to maintaining a healthy, happy marriage. We actually did two fun things in one weekend (shocking, I know!) – took a long bike ride on a beautiful trail and rode the Great Smoky Mountain Railroad through the gorgeous North Carolina mountains. We were able to relax, enjoy spending time together, and build memories for the future.

I know that making time for fun is hard if you have children at home. You probably can’t get away together very often or make time to do two fun things in one weekend. (Our youngest son is in college, so we have a lot of flexibility now. But I remember those child-intensive years very well!) But you can do some things, and making time and space in your life to do them is worth the effort. Here are five reasons why:

• Having fun together reminds you why you fell in love with him. When you were dating your husband, you probably loved spending time with him. It was fun and exciting, and you enjoyed each other’s company. It was part of the reason you fell in love with him. But after a few years, you may have lost track of that fun and excitement. You have your “to do” list and he has his, and “have fun together” has somehow dropped off both lists. But when you put  it back on your lists and make it a priority to have fun together regularly, it reminds you of one of the reasons you married him.
• It helps you navigate the stresses of marriage and family life. Let’s be honest – married life is not all fun and games. In fact, sometimes fun and games are nowhere to be found. During those times, it can feel like we’re just grinding it out – putting one foot in front of the other and taking care of the business of family life. Those times are normal – every married couple faces them. But we can navigate them more easily if we cushion them with fun and laughter. After all, it’s easier to get through your mother’s knee surgery, your daughter’s bout of the flu or your husband’s stressful job change if the two of you have spent some enjoyable time together recently, laugh together regularly, and are planning something fun in the near future.
• It gives both of you a break from the daily grind. Everybody needs a break from the daily routine. Sometimes you each need your own time and space to chill out, but sometimes you need a break together. Even simple activities – watching a funny movie together after the kids have gone to bed or going out for ice cream while your parents watch the kids – create a space between your marriage and the stresses of daily life that helps cushion and strengthen your marriage.
• It creates positive memories and experiences. When you have fun together, it gives you things to think and talk about besides soccer practice, homework, laundry and work. Like that crazy rollerskating adventure or the impromptu snowball fight or the amazing little pizza place you discovered by accident. Even if your fun isn’t quite as “fun” as planned, you’ll still be creating shared memories. During our recent weekend, for example, we ran into a few problems. We rode our bikes way too far, given our level of biking experience, and our muscles paid a heavy price for the next few days. And the seats in the open air train car that we reserved back in August (when it was 100 degrees!) turned out to be unexpectedly chilly on a 36-degree  October morning! Still, all of that ended up being part of the fun.
• It reminds you and others that marriage is more than obligations and commitments. Yes, obligations and commitments are a big part of marriage, but they shouldn’t be the only part. When a couple focuses exclusively on responsibilities and getting things done, marriage becomes dull and lifeless rather than fun and joyful. And other people, including their children, see that. But having fun together on a regular basis breaks up the monotony and adds a spark of joy. It makes the obligations and commitments more tolerable and models a joyful marriage for others.

I know that making time for fun in your marriage can be hard, and later this week we’ll talk about ways to make it a bit easier. In the meantime, I’d love to hear about what fun has meant to your marriage, or how you’ve struggled to find time or energy for it.