One of the best resolutions you can make this year is to invest in your marriage. Whether your marriage is thriving or struggling, or somewhere in between, you can take steps that will strengthen it by the time next January 1 rolls around. Here are 5 ways to invest in ways that will add joy to your marriage this year:
• Determine to live joyfully. You and I can’t change our husbands, but we can change ourselves. And when one spouse begins to focus on the positive or to live more joyfully, the marriage often changes for the better too. This year, why not decide to live with joy and happiness and bring both into your marriage? J. of Hot, Holy and Humorous recently shared practical tips for making and following through on this decision in Give Him the Gift of Happiness.
Devote time and attention to your marriage. Your children, job, house, church, school and social activities all clamor for your time and attention. As a matter of fact, they are willing and able to devour all of your time and attention, and then some. Don’t let them! Your marriage desperately needs your time and attention too.
As a matter of fact, as long as your children are safe, secure and healthy, I’ll go out on a limb and say that your marriage needs more of you than anything on that list, not only for this season of your life, but also to lay a foundation for the season when your children are out on their own. (Trust me on this – you want to have a good foundation in place when your youngest child goes off to college!) This year, consider giving more of you to your marriage and less to things that don’t matter nearly as much. (Here are some ideas to help you get started.)
Support your husband’s priorities and interests. You know that feeling you get when someone really believes in you, supports you, and gives you the freedom to pursue your dreams? Yeah, husbands like that feeling too! So this year, make a concerted effort to support your husband in the things that matter to him. Is he working hard to get a business off the ground or to move forward in his career?
Does he want to pursue an interest that might lead to a different career? Has he set aside a favorite hobby to focus on your interests or the children’s activities? Identify one or two things that mean a lot to him, and give him the freedom and time to pursue them. (This could mean setting some limits on the children’s activities, which might end up being a good thing for everyone in the family!)
Embrace your sexuality. Marriage is a sexual relationship. In order to live with joy in marriage, the needs of both spouses for sex and intimacy have to be met on a regular basis. (Yes, you have a God-given need for sex and intimacy too – it’s not just something for your husband!) If this is an area of stress or friction in your marriage, commit to embracing your sexuality and building sexual intimacy with your husband this year. Here are some great resources to help you get started – 9 Sex Tips for Wives, Sex Savvy, 31 Days to Great Sex, Resources for Low-Libido Wives, Resources for Wives Who Control or Refuse Sex.
Surround yourself with marriage-positive people and influences. This year, surround yourself with people, activities, books and media that build up marriage. So much of our culture tears down marriage (and some of it seems designed for that very purpose!) If you spend time with people who bash marriage, participate in “husband gripe” sessions, watch movies that romanticize affairs, or read books that present marriage as an outdated institution, your view of marriage will suffer.
Instead, immerse yourself in pro-marriage messages. Spend time with family and friends who value marriage, get involved in church or community activities that build up marriages, and read pro-marriage blogs and books, like the ones listed on the Resources page.
Are you thinking about ways to invest in your marriage this year? I’d love for you to share them in the Comments.
Angela says
I love this post and your message. It actuAlly gave me some insight about a topiC thAt i am writing about. Thanks so much, Gaye! You really are awesome!!
GC says
Thank you so much, Angela. I’m so happy that it was helpful to you.
Gaye
Nane Tolson says
Great points that love and commitment are a choice that you make and doing it consistently adds up to a great relationship! Thanks,
GC says
Thanks Nane.
Gaye
Bonny @oysterbed7 says
Thanks, Gaye, for the shout out!! Of course, you know I think sexual intimacy is a key element! However, your first item is what I had so wrong for so long! My marriage did need more of ME than I was giving! Excellent, as always, my friend.
GC says
Thanks so much, Bonny! I appreciate your kind words and support.
Gaye
Cassandra Stone says
I couldn’t agree with these more! Thank you so much for the information.
GC says
Thanks so much, Cassandra.
Gaye
Sarah MSM says
Gaye, you are going to be my featured post from last week’s link up party! A link to this post and your button will be posted with my Weekend Wind Down Link Up post tomorrow! Here is a button you can post on your blog if you want to share that you were featured! http://i1333.photobucket.com/albums/w624/mustardseedmommy/1521733_10152160904443970_1691393431_n2_zps5a104edb.jpg
Thanks again for sharing and linking up with us!
GC says
Thanks so much, Sarah! I am thrilled! I am going to be traveling most of the weekend, with limited internet access, but I will definitely try to stop by and link up again.
Gaye
Jamie Koenig says
This is such a great write up.
GC says
Thank you so much, Jamie!
Gaye
Nicole @ Mendez Manor says
I really enjoyed reading your article! Thanks for linking up with us over at the weekend wind-down party!
GC says
Thanks Nicole!
Gaye
Sarah MSM says
I LOVE this! I think every married couple can add more joy to their marriage in various ways, thanks again for linking up with us at our Weekend Wind-Down Party!
GC says
Thanks Sarah! I agree – more joy is within reach of almost all married couples.
Gaye
Antionette Blake says
Thank you, I love how you put in all in perspective! Hope you had a wonderful weekend and thanks for linking up with us this weekend.
Fawn Weaver says
Great post, Gaye! And I love that last point – OH so important. I’m amazed at how big of a difference that makes in couple’s lives. Thank you for joining the Happy Wives Club blog tour. Appreciate you!
Steph @ From the Burbs to the Boonies says
Really good tips, thank you. It is hard to live intentionally joyful 🙂 It takes work, doesn’t it. I think the last one is so important as well. If you spend time with people who berate their spouse or talk down about marriage, it can be disheartening. Though maybe through your own joyful words, you could help them see marriage in a different way. Stopping by from Family Fun Friday!
GC says
Thanks Steph. It can be disheartening when people are so negative about marriage, and I think it rubs off on us even if we feel positive about our own marriages.
Gaye
Debi Walter says
Wonderful post. Easy steps to make a huge difference in any marriage. And I love the HWC. So nice to see a flood of “happy” wives talking about their marriages. Blessings to you,
Debi
GC says
Thanks so much, Debi. I love the focus on happiness in marriage this week!
Gaye
Neitria says
I loved this post!!! Our children take so much from us (rightfully so), it is so important to prioritize each other!
jugglingrealfoodandreallife says
This is such a great post Gaye! It is just full of wonderful resources also. I agree with Maggie. “Surround yourself with pro-marriage messages” is so important. I know I absorb messages like a sponge and I am always happier when those messages are positive. As you know I have older and younger kids, but my oldest going off to college has made me more aware of the day that it will be just my husband and I. I want that foundation to be strong. All the kids act differently when we are stronger together………in a good way. A strong marriage makes a strong family. Funny, how many of us seem to have lost sight of that. Thank you for being one of those “positive messages” for me.
GC says
Thanks so much, Christina. I agree with everything you said. As someone whose youngest child is in college (although we don’t have a totally empty nest quite yet!), I can see that the time has come when my husband and I have to make our own life together. We can no longer rely on child or family activities as the sole focus of our life. I’m glad that we’ve laid a pretty good foundation for that, and I want to encourage women with younger children to do the same. You are so right that a strong marriage makes a strong family, but it’s pretty easy for women to focus most of their energy on the family (children) and forget about the marriage.
Thanks as always for your support, my friend.
Gaye
Amberly Steele says
Nice! The sex one is always a tricky one!! Thanks for sharing!
GC says
Hi Amberly. Yes, I thinks that’s the tricky one for many wives!
Thanks so much for stopping by.
Gaye
Ginny Marie says
I’m very supportive of my husband’s consulting work (which is not our primary source of income, but some that he loves to do) and he is very supportive of my writing. If we didn’t have each other’s support, it would make things much more difficult in our marriage!
GC says
Hi Ginny Marie – That’s a great feeling, isn’t it. So glad that you and your husband are supporting each other in your interests. My husband is very supportive of my blogging/writing too, even though I think he sometimes wonders what the “end game” is. (I sometimes wonder that too!)
Thanks so much for dropping by.
Gaye
Maggie Reyes (@ModernMarried) says
I love “surround yourself with pro-marriage messages” soooo important!
GC says
Thanks Maggie! It’s so easy to get caught up in the negative messages.
Gaye