We all know that rituals can help spouses and family members connect and make memories together. But did you know that marriage and family rituals can help us live calmer, healthier and sexier lives?
Rituals are activities or behaviors that develop over time and occur regularly. We see them as positive events and look forward to participating in them. They can include everything from small daily activities, such as sharing a cup of coffee in the morning or eating dinner together as a family, to major annual events, such as celebrating Christmas with extended family or taking a yearly trip to a mountain cabin. Rituals create beneficial structure in our lives and add predictability, meaning and joy. They also build intimacy in a marriage and among family members, help us define our values as a couple or family, and provide a source of strength in tough times.
That all sounds pretty good, doesn’t it? But what does it have to do with living calmer, healthier or sexier?
Living Calmer
Rituals can add a distinct layer of calm to our lives. They build the kind of structure we yearn for, especially when we’re under stress. We look forward to them, anticipate them, and revel in them. Both small and large rituals can play this calming role. For example, my husband (a morning person) brings me (not a morning person!) a cup of coffee every morning. We sit in bed together and drink our coffee and talk for about 20 minutes. This small act creates a positive starting point for our days, no matter what those days may bring. Large rituals can play a similar role. For example, developing family birthday traditions and creating a celebration for each family member on his or her birthday gives everyone something to look forward to and builds a sense of family unity. The net effect of the small and large rituals in our lives is a stronger, calmer base of support from which we can take on the stresses of everyday life.
Living Healthier
In addition to promoting calm and enhancing mental health, rituals can strengthen our physical health. Walking every morning or every evening after dinner, cooking healthy foods at home, teaching children to cook, enjoying family meals together, riding bikes with the children on Saturdays, developing an active family hobby, and going to bed together at a reasonable hour are all activities that strengthen both our relationships and our bodies.
Living Sexier
Last, but definitely not least, we can create rituals that increase intimacy and promote great sex with our husbands. These rituals consist of practices that allow us to slow down, to communicate and to insert some space between the busyness of the day and times of intimacy. Relaxing together with a glass of wine (after the kids have gone to bed!), giving each other a back rub or massage once a week, enjoying regular Saturday morning sex, maintaining a regular date night, and planning celebrations for special occasions all build intimacy and create an atmosphere in which our sex lives can flourish.
Have you developed rituals in your marriage or family that allow you to live a calmer, healthier or sexier life? Please share them in the Comments – I would love to hear from you. I also would love for you to subscribe to Calm.Healthy.Sexy. by email. Enter your email address in the sidebar (under Subscribe to Blog Via Email). And please follow Calm.Healthy.Sexy. on Twitter (@CalmHealthySexy), Facebook, or Pinterest. Gaye
Linked to the fabulous blogs and blog hops at Out on a Limb, Live Laugh Rowe, We are That Family, Messy Marriage, To Love, Honor and Vacuum, Today With the Tennerys, Not Just a Housewife, Fluster Buster, Romance on a Dime, Salt Tree, The Empowered Momma, Life of Meg, A Humble Bumble, Mom’s Monday Mingle, What Jean Likes, The Chicken Chick, Matrimonial Monday, Lines Across, and I Gotta Try That.
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Aside from celebrating our anniversary out of town every year we don’t have any rituals. We have family rituals, but no marriage rituals. I had not thought about it before. Good idea. Something for the hubs and I to discuss. Happy SITS day again! Following you on Twitter…now.
Thanks for sharing at Fluster’s Creative Muster. I’m looking forward to seeing what you link up next week.
Thanks Robin!
Gaye
My husband and I really need to create rituals. I think we’ve tried many different rituals and they just haven’t stuck. It’ hard to incorporate a ritual when two people are so very different in personalities and temperaments. Opposites do attract, don’t they? I love your example of your husband bringing you coffee in the morning. I need to think of something like that which works for us. Thanks for sharing this at Romance on a dime!!
Thanks Betsy. I think it sometimes takes a while to establish your rituals. My husband and I have been married for 27 years, so we’ve had a lot of time to figure things out!
Gaye
Love this post! Thanks for sharing! BTW Pretty Living sent me!
Thanks for stopping by, Tara.
Gaye
I think rituals and traditions are the best! My family didnt have very many growing up so my husband and I are making sure to create a ton for our own family!
Thanks for stopping by, Kelsey.
Gaye
I have the opposite challenge with rituals. I LOVE them! My mother is a person who loves rituals and traditions and when my husband and I were first married, everything we did together that I loved, I wanted to make a daily, weekly, monthly or annual tradition. Poor guy! The good news for him is I’m over it now and the only rituals we really have now are breakfast and coffee together every morning while chatting for about an hour and Friday night dates to unwind from our week. Love those rituals.
That’s too cute, Fawn. Glad you were able to balance out your love of traditions with your husband’s tolerance for them!
Gaye
Sometimes you just have to make time for rituals. Great read!
Hugs,
Marcie
Thanks Marcie!
Gaye
I love how you’ve “fleshed out” (pardon the pun!) these very important points on becoming more calm, healthy and sexy, Gaye. I think every one of them is crucial. Of course, I’m a ritual loving girl–not being bound by them, but relying on them to bring joy, enrichment and yes, calmness to my life every day.
I love this post. I think that we don’t have ritual so now is the best time to create one. Thanks for inspiring me.
visiting u from Aloha Friday.
-Honeybee
http://herweightlossdiary.blogspot.com
Thanks so much for stopping by. I hope you enjoy creating a ritual!
Gaye
I totally agree with having a routine of sorts. somedays it’s impossible to predict or plan ahead, but my one year old is on a strict schedule when it comes to naps and bedtime and I’m a much happier mama because of it! Stopping by from the Monday Mingle, hope to see you swing by high heeled mama sometime soon!
Hi Noel – I agree! When my children were younger, consistent naptimes and bedtimes were key to my sanity.
Thanks so much for stopping by. I will definitely visit your blog too.
Gaye
I know routine is definitely huge for decreasing stress. Thanks for sharing at A Humble Bumble
Thanks Becca!
Gaye
My boyfriend and I do this….nice. Oh, by the way, Pretty Living PDX sent me here!
Thanks so much for stopping by!
Gaye
I’m still working on the whole ritual thing. Might start with a cup of coffee or hot chocolate out on the porch with my husband in the evening where we can talk about the day and plan the next.
Hi LuAnn – That sounds like a great beginning ritual! Thanks for stopping by.
Gaye
My parents were great at having rituals and their marriage is still great to this day! I remember on the weekends we would play a board game on Friday night, go the Church on Saturday, and would ride bikes every Sunday (at least 2 miles). It made me excited for the weekends.
) However, I’m glad she did because I love your blog!
In my marriage we don’t really have many rituals right now because we have opposite schedules. Every other weekend we eat dinner with our parents. It’s sad but we both know that it won’t last forever. I am excited to share this post with him.
P.S. Pretty Living PDX sent me (I know I mentioned this before, but it’s for a giveaway entry so I need to say it each time in order to get the entry
Hi Andrea – I love that about your parents! Those kinds of rituals build great memories for kids, in addition to being great for the parents. Sorry that you and your hubby have opposite schedules now, but hopefully that will change in the near future. Maybe you can come up with a couple of small rituals that will help carry you through this busy time.
Thanks again for stopping by. I appreciate Myranda at Pretty Living sending you over to visit. Hope you’ll come back again.
Gaye