A SmallStep is one simple thing you can do to live calmer, healthier or sexier. This week’s SmallStep is to identify your husband’s “love language.” (If you already know his “love language,” skip to the bonus SmallStep below.)
The 5 Love Languages, by Dr. Gary Chapman, teaches simple, powerful information that can bring joy to a typical marriage, or change the course of a struggling marriage. The book explains that every person experiences love through one (or sometimes a combination) of five “languages” – Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, or Physical Touch. If you don’t know the “language” that allows your husband to feel and experience love, you will struggle to make him feel loved. Sometimes, a wife tries to love her husband using her own love language. But if her husband “speaks” a different language, her efforts will fall short, frustrating both of them.
If you don’t know your husband’s love language, take the time this week to identify it. Buy (or borrow) a copy of The 5 Love Languages - it’s well worth the modest investment. If you can’t do that this week, do some research on the five languages so you begin to understand them, and try to identify your husband’s primary language. Here are some resources to help you get started:
- The 5 Love Languages website describes the languages, answers questions, and provides links to books and information.
- Understanding the 5 Love Languages presents a series of articles Dr. Chapman wrote for Focus on the Family online.
- The 5 Love Languages Quiz – This Beliefnet site includes a “widget” that lets you assess your love language. Although I recommend reading and completing the assessments in the book, this tool provides a quick and easy way for you and your husband to identify your languages.
Bonus SmallStep – If you already know your husband’s love language, do two things this week that will speak love to him in his language. I know my husband’s love language (he actually has two that are almost equal), so this SmallStep will be my challenge to myself this week.
Have you used the concepts presented in The 5 Love Languages to strengthen your marriage? Please share your experiences or tips in the Comments – I would love to hear from you. I also would love for you to subscribe to Calm.Healthy.Sexy. by email. Enter your email address in the sidebar (under Subscribe to Blog Via Email). You’ll receive an email when I publish a new post, nothing else. And please follow Calm.Healthy.Sexy. on Twitter (@CalmHealthySexy), Facebook, or Pinterest. Gaye
Linked to the fabulous blogs and blog hops at Six Sisters Stuff, Happy Wives Club, We Are That Family, Messy Marriage, Mercy Ink, Fluster Buster, Not Just a Housewife, Salt Tree, A Humble Bumble, Life on the Funny Farm, Romance on a Dime, Wrinkled Mommy, The Empowered Momma, The Chicken Chick, Mom’s Monday Mingle, I Gotta Try That, Lines Across My Face, Matrimonial Monday and Medical Monday.
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Hi Gaye! This is Mai at the Happy Wives Club and Fawn wanted to make sure you saw the note that our Thursday link up party has now moved to Marriage Mondays – beginning today. We want to get all our favorite married bloggers linking up every Monday so we hope you’ll join us.
Thank you, Mai. I saw that the link party had changed days and have already linked up. I’m excited about the new party and the great changes to the site.
Gaye
I know my husbands love language – words of affirmation. I don’t speak to him as often as I should in his love language. Thanks for this challenge. I’m glad you linked up at Romance on a dime!!
Pingback: SmallStep #2 – Speak Your Husband’s Love Language | Calm.Healthy.Sexy.
Last year, I asked all the women of the Happy Wives Club to list the marriage books that have had the biggest impact on them and so many of them said The 5 Love Languages. I hadn’t read the book but i had a copy of it so I went online and took the assessment and so did Keith. We were pretty surprised because my love language is physical connection and his is words of admiration. I think in men and women that’s usually reversed (not sure, just guessing) but if gave me so much insight into how to better please my husband and I just loved that!
Thanks Fawn. I think it’s so important to know our spouse’s language, because we naturally want to give love based on our own language.
Thanks so much for stopping by.
Gaye
Awesome book. Every couple should read it and incorporate it. It’s too easy to think that we’re showing our spouses love just because we’re doing it in a way that makes sense to “us.” It takes work and practice to figure out how to show our spouses love in ways that make sense to them! My husband and I write about this and more at http://www.marriagelifeministries.org
Thanks Alecia. I agree that showing love in the way that’s comfortable for us is the easy (and natural) way, while showing love in the way that’s best for our spouse takes work.
I love your marriage blog. Thanks for stopping by.
Gaye
Thanks so much for this article. I’m at work so I’m bookmarking it to read it later.
I have never heard of the book but I think we can all use a little bit of help with our relationships at times. I will have to check it out.
Thanks for linking up to our Healthy Tuesdays Blog Hop, I hope you join us again soon with more great tips and ideas!
Kerry from Country Living On A Hill
Hi, just stumbled upon your blog, imagined I’d find crafts (found the link in a linky party), but I found something else, that’s just as great. Never heard of the book though, but your blog surely came at a good moment for me:) I’m your newest reader:)
Hi Monica – I’m so glad you found the blog. Hope you weren’t too disappointed by the lack of crafts – I am the least crafty person I know! Hope you’ll become a regular here.
Gaye
Thanks for this reminder of a great book and great way to express our love to our mates. I think this is a great time of year (and yes, I think every day should be special with our spouses) with Valentines just next week, to give something to our mates that he/she would really appreciate. My husband has a tie between two love language’s too–words of affirmation and physical touch. I have the hardest time with physical touch because I grew up in a very unaffectionate family. But I’m stretching and growing. Thanks so much for always challenging us to a deeper relationship with our spouses, Gaye!
Thank you, Beth. I was a little worried that everyone would already know about the book and already be “speaking” their spouse’s love language. But then I realized that I often forget to love my husband the way he best receives love – so I thought that others might be forgetting too!
Gaye
I have read this book for review as well. I did a blog post on it as well. It was a nice easy read, and gave some helpful information.
I love the information in that book! Thanks so much for stopping by.
Gaye
I am stopping by from the Heart + Home Link Up. I needed this reminder. My husband has been caring for me while I’ve been recovering from knee surgery and has done a wonderful job. It’s time for me, while still recovering, to make sure he knows how much I love him and appreciate him. His love language is physical touch & quality time. While I am no up for all that physical touch entails, I can still kiss him with passion. And we have been spending a lot of time together but I can make it more quality by being sweet and affectionate and holding my tongue in anger.
Hi Leslie – Thanks so much for stopping by. What a great hubby you have to take such good care of you! I’m glad this post reminded you to take care of him by using his love language.
Gaye
I really enjoyed the 5 Love Languages book. There’s so many important things to learn from it. Thanks for sharing at A Humble Bumble.
Hmmmm…. never heard of it, but will be checking it out! Sounds very interesting!
It’s a very good book – lot’s of useful, practical information
Gaye
I love this book and have read it a couple of times with different relationships in mind. It’s amazing that once you identify what yours is and what theirs is things make so much more sense! Thanks for linking up with us at Medical Mondays.
It does make a lot of sense, doesn’t it? And you can also see how people get into trouble in their marriages by trying to love their spouse using the wrong love language.
Gaye
Robert’s love language is quality time – and that’s something we’ve been honing these last few months. His (recent) definition of quality time is a chance to talk about ideas and concepts – to share and interact. Of course, he’s always happy to receive any of the other love languages too
We always give newly engaged/married couples the book – and talk about The 5 Love Languages with other couples. Our kids know their Love Language – we even took the quiz with our older parents. It was an eye opener for my mother-in-law to realize her husband’s love language was Words of Affirmation… over 50 years married and they’re still learning about each other! (although it was quite poignant when she turned to him and said, “Oh Charlie – I don’t ever tell you how amazing you are, do I?” and he quietly said, “No.”)
Last February we had a fellowship at church where everyone in our small group took the quiz. It was amazing to learn about our fellow church members, and it’s continued to be a source of both fun, and encouragement in the last year.
Hi Lori – Your mother-in-law’s statement brought a tear to my eye. Very sweet, but also a little sad.
I love the idea of giving the book to engaged and just-married couples.
Thanks so much for stopping by.
Gaye
Well, I’ve never read it, but took the little online quiz and also emailed it to my husband. I scored equally in 3 categories. :O)
My husband and I both have two that are about equal, and a third that is close.
Thanks for stopping by.
Gaye