Key #5 to a Calm, Healthy, Sexy Life – Feel Sexy and Enjoy Intimacy with Your Husband

Passionalte coupleWhat does it mean to be sexy?  Our culture, expressed through media and entertainment, sends the message that only women who are young, beautiful and thin as a rail are sexy.  I say that’s a lie.  Books, television shows and movies all suggest that only young couples who have just met are enjoying fabulous intimacy.  I say that’s a lie too.  All married women should feel sexy and enjoy intimacy with their husbands, yet so many women struggle in those areas.*

Feel Sexy

What does it mean, or rather what should it mean, to feel sexy?  I think it means that we’re confident and positive.  That we stand up straight and walk confidently.  That we take an interest in other people and make them feel comfortable.  That we understand the meaning of true beauty – rather than “Hollywood beauty.”That we make the most of our appearance, without worrying that we aren’t 25 and a size 4.  That we take care of our bodies so we feel comfortable in them.

romantic coupleThink about the people you consider to be sexy.  Is it always the most beautiful woman or handsome man?  The thinnest person?  The one with the most fabulous clothing?  I don’t think it is.  Often it’s the most confident person, the one who makes people feel good about themselves, or the one who is passionate about something.

So why do we apply a different standard to ourselves, requiring that we have perfect hair, skin, bodies, clothing, marriages, or whatever before we consider ourselves to be sexy?  I have no idea, but we are way too hard on ourselves!

What’s holding you back from feeling positive about and enjoying your sexuality?  Do you hate your hair or skin?  Do you think you’re too fat?  Are you worried about stretch marks?  Do you fear your clothes are too frumpy?  Do you compare yourself negatively to other women?  Do you think your marriage has to be perfect before you can enjoy it?

If you answered yes to any of those (or similar) questions, believe me, I’m with you.  I constantly battle the worry that I am not attractive enough.  On most days, I hate my skin or hair or both.  I’m not overweight, but I’m not really happy with my body either.  But, I want to feel sexy and enjoy intimacy with my husband, so I do things to counteract those messages.  I exercise almost every day and eat a fairly healthy diet.  I wear quality makeup that I invested in earlier this year.  I stand up straight.  I try to focus on making other people feel good, rather than focusing on myself.  I read books and blogs that present positive messages about sex and intimacy in marriage.  Sometimes I do well with these things, and sometimes I fail miserably.  But I keep trying, because I believe the outcome is worth the effort.

(You may also like 7 Ways to Get in Touch with Your Sexy Side.)

Ideas for Feeling Confident and Sexy

What could you do, this week, to feel sexier and more confident?  Here are a few ideas – move your body every day (walking is great), stand up straight, act confident (even if you don’t feel it!), share your passions with people, try some new makeup that plays up your best features, invest in an item of clothing that flatters your coloring and figure, buy some new lingerie and wear it, invest in a good haircut, read a book or blog that encourages sex and intimacy in marriage (like these), take charge by initiating something fun with your husband, use candles or dim lighting in your bedroom, put together a sexy music playlist (check here, here and here for ideas) or allow yourself some time to relax and regroup from the stresses of the day.  Pick one of these, or one of your own, and try it out this week.

And, if your husband needs some insight into things that would help you feel sexy, send him my article for husbands – How to Help Your Wife Feel Sexy Again.

*I understand that many women are struggling with serious issues that affect their sexuality and intimacy, issues that are beyond the scope of this blog.  If you are in that situation, I encourage you to seek out high-quality resources or professional services that will help you address those issues.  You deserve to enjoy and celebrate God’s gift of intimacy too, but you may need some help to achieve that goal.

Post updated 11/2014

Comments

  1. Sandy says

    I have never felt pretty or attractive. Alittle chunky, stretch marks, kinky hair….I always see my bad and dont feel like there is anything good. I workout, do my nails, never leave the house without make-up, striaghten my hair…. I think one of my biggest reasons for feeling so ugly is people are hard on each other. We pick apart each other. Men are hard on us weman in general. Constantly I hear men talking about the weight some women has gained or what the hell did she do to her hair? Its hard on us even if the talk is not directly personal. We get parinode that the talk is about us when we are not in the room. 2nd reason I believe it is hard: I always hear men talking about hotties who are not their wives. Its hard to believe we are enough with all that surrounds us….. I try and believe what you said is true just not easy.

    • GC says

      Hi Sandy – Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. It is definitely hard – when I was writing that post it was in large part a way of reminding myself, because I often don’t do/think the things I talked about! The thoughts and actions that help me are remembering that I am created in the image of God, recognizing that confidence and treating other people well are attractive, and doing the best I can to take care of my body and maximize my assets. Beyond that, I try to let go of my insecurities – some days that works and some days it doesn’t! The current (August 2013) issue of Prevention magazine is almost entirely devoted to this topic, and I’m finding it interesting and helpful. For certain it shows that this is an issue for many, if not most, women.

      Gaye

  2. says

    I think I could get more creative with the environment (candles, lighting, etc) Thank you for sharing and for linking up with HWC.

    Christy Joy
    #happywivesclub

    • GC says

      Thanks Christy! I need to get more creative with that too. A lot of the things I write are reminders to myself!

      Gaye

    • GC says

      Thanks Emma – I think you have nailed it exactly. When we are comfortable with who we are, then we are free to enjoy intimacy.

      Thanks so much for stopping by.
      Gaye

  3. says

    You’re speaking directly to me again, Gaye! Ha! I was feeling a bit “ugly” this morning. My family went on a little trip last week and now that I’m getting older, I can really see how these extra excursions take a toll on how I look. Well, it’s not a pretty picture! And it’s easy to feel discouraged too. I keep reminding myself of the beauty God is building inside me as my “outside” sags and needs a few repairs! :) I will take your incredible words of advice. And I’ll hang on because I believe the outcome is worth it too! Thanks for this boost today, my friend!

    • GC says

      Thanks so much, Beth. Your kind words often give me exactly the boost I need, so if anything I have written is helpful to you, I am thrilled.

      Yes, getting older is not for the faint of heart! I am trying to go with the idea of being the best I can possibly be at every age. One benefit of being married for a number of years is that our husbands tend to see us as we were, not as we are – I’ve heard it referred to as “husband goggles!” Whatever it is, I’ll take it – lol!

      Gaye

  4. living in blurred lines says

    The added benefit of exercise is increased stamina and flexibility during sex which can really make a woman feel sexy. My face is what makes me not feel sexy. I don’t have a typical Hollywood pretty button face and I’m afraid the faces I make during sex are ugly or weird.

    • GC says

      I agree – regular exercise can really make you stronger and more flexible and help you feel sexier. I feel not-very-pretty, but staying in shape does help me feel more attractive.

      Thanks so much for stopping by.
      Gaye

  5. says

    I read your article with great interest. I don’t understand why we women are so hard on ourselves. I agree that feeling confident is the most sexy thing around! People always do a double take when you walk proud!

    • GC says

      I know – we are ridiculously hard on ourselves! Why??? I agree that confidence is key, and I love your phrase – “walk proud!”

      Thanks.
      Gaye

    • GC says

      Hi Jilly – Sorry that I am just now seeing this comment. It went into the spam folder for some reason, and I just realized that I need to check that folder regularly and move things out that should not be there. I agree that weight can be one of the issues that really affects whether or not a woman feels sexy. I see from your blog that you are trying out a new weight loss plan – I hope it works out very well for you.

      Thanks.
      Gaye

  6. says

    I think for me it’s important to exercise and make time (almost) every day for a shower, makeup and a decent outfit. I have three young kids (4, 3, 9 months) so it’s a bit of a feat sometimes but it really does help me feel more attractive. The other thing is that I think it’s important to watch our thoughts and not allow ourselves to dwell on what we perceive to be our “bad parts”.

    • GC says

      Thanks Elizabeth. Those things are important for me too, and when I was home with young children they were even more important.

      Gaye

    • GC says

      Thanks so much for stopping by, Jilly, and for hosting the link-up. I hope you’ll drop by again. I am following your blog now and look forward to reading it.

      Gaye

  7. says

    What helps me?
    I think truly sexy people are comfortable in their own skin. I’m learning to appreciate myself more and enjoy the life that I have and the people I share it with. I’m working on getting physically fit and making room in my life for the people and things that I love. As I walk in that I find that I am many things, including sexy.

    • GC says

      Hi Lori – You are exactly right. Those are the things we should be striving for, and feeling confident and sexy will be the natural outcome.

      Thanks so much for sharing.
      Gaye

Trackbacks

Please leave a comment - I would love to hear from you!