5 Ways “Hotel Sex” Can Boost Your Marriage

Hotel door do not disburb text 2 Are you looking for a way to ignite sex in your marriage?  Do you feel disconnected from your husband and want to jump start your intimacy and connection?  Or is everything going smoothly, but you just want to have a bit of fun?  In all of these cases, “hotel sex” may be just what you need!

So, what exactly is “hotel sex?”  Clearly, it includes having sex in a hotel or motel!  But, we can stretch the definition a bit and include any sex you enjoy in a place that provides lots of privacy with little or no responsibility.  So it could include sex in a cabin, cottage or inn – but not sex at your in-laws’ house!  Basically, it’s a time for you and your husband to break away from your normal surroundings and responsibilities and reignite the passion in your marriage.

Getting away, even for one night, sometimes requires extensive planning.  But it’s truly worth the effort!  Here are five ways hotel sex can boost your marriage:

  • It allows you to relax in a way many women can’t at home.  Many wives and mothers are always “on” at home – something or someone always requires their attention.  Even when the kids are in bed, we find it hard to relax while looking at an empty refrigerator or piles of dirty clothes!  In a hotel, however, we aren’t responsible for anything!  Nobody is calling “Mom, Mom, Mooommm!” every five minutes, we don’t have to make the bed, heck – we don’t even have to hang up the towels!  Because most women need to be relaxed in order to enjoy sex, getting away from our responsibilities once in a while can provide just the relaxing boost we need!
  • It allows you to release some inhibitions.  Once we’re relaxed, it’s easier to let go of inhibitions.  In a hotel or motel, no one is going to hear us or see us.  No one will walk through the door at an inopportune moment.  No one knows us.  So it’s easier to relax and let go of some of the things that worry us about sex at home.
  • It gives you a chance to try something new.  In a hotel, you can wear the racy lingerie you don’t wear at home.  Or sexy high heels.  Or nothing.  You can try a new position.  You can take a bath together or have sex in the shower.  You can make love in the middle of the afternoon or first thing in the morning.  You can try a sex toy or a flavored lubricant.  Anything you’ve been hesitant to try at home, you can try it first in a hotel! Sexy married couple enjoying romance
  • It says to your husband, “I value this part of our marriage.”  Taking the time to spend a weekend, or even just one night, in a hotel lets your husband know you value sex and intimacy with him.  If you take the initiative to plan the time away, even better.  More than likely, he values sex and intimacy with you, so seeing you make it a priority will encourage him.
  • It builds intimacy and connection that strengthens your marriage.  Sex is critical to marriage – we can’t have strong marriages without it.  Some women think it’s just something “he needs.”  But it’s so much more!  (And we need it too!)  It’s a big component of the glue that holds us together – without it, we’re just roommates.  Enjoying hotel sex once or twice a year certainly isn’t all we need, but it can reignite or just strengthen that part of our marriage.

Want to give it a try?  Plan a night or a weekend away in the near future.  Two nights are better than one, because you have more time to relax.  You can make it a full-fledged getaway, or just head to a hotel in a nearby town or city.  Don’t go too far, because it’s about spending time together, not traveling.

What do you think?  Is it worth the effort?  Can you make it happen?  Please share your thoughts in the Comments – I would love to hear from you.  Also, if you don’t yet follow CalmHealthySexy by email, I would love for you to  subscribe (enter your email address in the sidebar under Subscribe to Blog Via Email).  You’ll receive an email whenever I publish a new post.  Thanks.  Gaye

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62 thoughts on “5 Ways “Hotel Sex” Can Boost Your Marriage

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  6. This is wonderful advice. My hubby and I have been married almost 10 years now and have for the last several years tried to get away at least once a year by ourselves (kids 8 and 6). Last year it didn’t happen, so we are going on almost 2 years now. However, we have a little cabin in the middle of the woods booked for a couple nights next week! We are both looking forward to this since it has been such a long time to be kid free overnight.

    • Hi Lisa – I hope you and your husband have a great time on your trip! It can be very hard to get away every year when your children are young, but it really pays off in the long run. I remember how difficult it was when our children were the age of yours. It does get better though – ours are old enough now that we can do pretty much what we want!

      Thanks so much for stopping by.

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  8. Great ideas! My husband and I are going on vacation later this summer and we’ll be gone 4 nights. I’ll definitely try out some of these “tips” you provided.

    • Hi Hannah – I hope you have a great time on your vacation! Also, I love your post about ideas for summer fun. I’m definitely going to try some of your suggestions!


  9. Anything that brings the honeymoon stage memories and its feelings would be useful either it be the hotel idea or whatever, however the hotel idea is very smart as well.. thanks for sharing with us :)

  10. I completely agree with everything except the part about what message it sends to my husband. I have been begging him for 1 night getaway at a hotel (we have never had an overnight without kids since our first was born 4 years ago). He is not interested at all and feels it is poor use of our money. :(

    • Hi J – I’m sorry that your husband isn’t interested. That must be very discouraging for you. I hope he will change his mind and see the value in getting away together as a couple.


    • Then you need to WIN a getaway! They give away scads of them on the internet – do a google search for things (maybe in your area for one night with no transportation because then it will have fewer entries) Good luck!

  11. We learned this early in our marriage and it has helped to keep the magic and sparks flowing! We try for 4x a year. My favorite is our beginning of the year weekend — when we evaluate the year and plan changes if needed. In lean a very lean year, I put a number on our downstairs guest room with some treats as a surprise and we still had lots of fun!!! We have 4 kids from 22 down to 11 at home — so yes this article was a good reminder of WHY this is so important!

    • Thanks for stopping by, Robynne. Oh, 4 times a year is great! I’m sure that helps your marriage stay on a really positive, fun track.


  12. I totally agree with the first point. At home, we always find something that needs to be done and it’s hard to really relax. It’s nice to be somewhere that you don’t have to clean up.

  13. I’m so glad you’ve reminded us to do this–pulling away to be together with just our mates, Gaye. It’s something my husband and I do about three times a year and it definitely keeps the spark burning. :) I will say that we also try to have special times at home, when the boys are gone, which happens more often now that they are older. Those times can be just as meaningful to me. But the intentionality of pursuing our husbands sexually is so important. And I’m glad you’re the cheerleader for this! I’m also grateful that you linked this up at Wedded Wed, my sweet friend!

    • Hi Beth – It does get a bit easier as they get older, doesn’t it? Ours are “out and about” a lot, but they’re not entirely predictable as to when they’ll be home or when they might “run back to the house to pick up my so-and-so!” So we can’t trust entirely that we won’t be disturbed!

      Thanks so much for stopping by. I appreciate the opportunity to link up with you.

    • Hi Debbie – I know – story of my life too! Although I think your kids are at ages that make it especially hard to let go and relax. Mine are older, and it does get a little easier.


  14. Oh, I agree – big time! My hubby and I check into hotels at least a few times each year. Something about leaving the laptop at home (or at least tucked away in the hotel safe) that frees us to think about nothing but enjoying each other.

    • Hi Fawn – You’re right – just putting away the cares of everyday life (represented by putting away the laptop) changes everything!


  15. This is so extremely important! Nothing fuels intimacy and builds connection like extended time alone without the usual responsibilities. For 30+ years my wife and I have done this at least once a year, more if time and budget allow.

    Someone in our marriage small group said this about getaways. “Sex is always hotter when there is a number on the door.” So true.

    • Hi Scott – “Sex is always hotter if there is a number on the door!” Love that quote – and I know I’ll be using it! You’re right – that time without the normal responsibilities of life is critical. That’s what allows both spouses (and maybe wives even more so) to really relax and enjoy things and move beyond their daily routine.

      Thanks for stopping by.

  16. Years ago my first wife (now deceased) “kidnapped” me after work and took me to a nearby hotel. Our room was on the tenth floor or so. When we opened the door, I saw that she had set up a fruit and cheese picnic in the room. When I sat down to eat something she said, “We’re not going to eat with our clothes on, are we?”

    We managed to get out of the room before noon the next day. We had breakfast at a nearby kolache shop, retrieved my car and went home. Had I died any time during the next week the undertaker would have been hard pressed to get the grin off my face.

    That experience is still one of the top highlights of my life – more than 30 years later. Ladies, that’s the kind of power you have over your man if you would only use it.

    Hotel sex? Definitely!

    • Ol’Will – What a great story! Thanks so much for sharing it. We tend to forget that making small efforts to bless our spouses can pay huge dividends.

      Thanks for stopping by.

  17. It’s good to just have this alone time with your spouse! Love this article..it’s a sure way to ignite love and put husbands and wives back on their LOVE track.. :)
    Visiting you from the Happy Wives Club link up.

  18. Knowing that time is not an issue because we don’t have any responsibilities or appointments — after all, checkout time isn’t until noon :-) — makes it easy to really relax and enjoy being together.

  19. You are right on the money! We look forward to those nights! Just an FYI for those on a budget several hotel/motel chains have free reward card programs that allow you to earn free nights. Our favorite is choice hotels because of the wide range of places to stay.

  20. I LOVE this, G! You are dead on with all your advice and wisdom! We love to travel and are fortunate to be able to do so frequently…..I think the fact that ‘no one knows who I am’ has a lot to do with it! Thinking of booking a hotel soon!! ;)

    • Thanks so much, Bonny! I agree that “no one knows who I am” is a key ingredient. For that reason, a hotel is better than a B&B for this purpose – at least in my mind!


      • No, please no. Don’t push the stereotype of a B&B offering no privacy!!! The industry has evolved. A lot of us offer a boutique hotel experience with fluffy robes, fantastic sheets, whirlpools, steam showers, home cooked meals, individual tables at breakfast (or room service) at a price that is less than a high end hotel. And sound proofing! Plus most of us have free parking, free wifi ( for your movies not your work), snacks and other amenities that hotels don’t offer or charge you an arm and a leg if you enjoy them. Shop the internet and you will be surprised what you can find. (Sadly, there are some old fashioned places out there that wouldn’t be a great place for romance so take your time to pick out the right place for you and your man.)

        • Hi Innkeeper Seely – Sorry, I didn’t intend to send that message. I actually had to go back and read the post to make sure I didn’t say something unintended! Although, since you mentioned it, I will say that our experience with a B&B as a place specifically for romance or intimacy is a bit mixed. We have stayed in some that were perfect for that purpose and a few that were a bit close quarters and definitely not sound-proof! Your advice to look around and see what is available is very sound and applies to all types of accommodations – sometimes you don’t get what you expected in a hotel or inn too, so it definitely pays to do some research.

          Thanks so much for stopping by.

  21. I love this article Gaye. I’ve been wanting to do this. Having a date out with hubby is almost impossible as of the moment due to a lot of responsibilities with kids and at home. I have to agree that it needs a lot of preparation but it will be worth it.

    • Hi Judy – I hope you can work it out! It is hard, especially when your children are young. Ours are college age and up now, and it is easier, at least in terms of the kid part. Hope you can work it out and have a great time.


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